My husband, Bill, had died at 9:34 in the morning at the hospital. My two adult children drove me home from the hospital and stayed with me. At approximately 7:00 that night they took me into the bedroom and had me lie down. I wasn't tired and didn't want to. I told them I wasn't sleepy but finally did lie down just to be alone for a moment. I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. I was staring at the ceiling when I heard a ringing in my ears. I then felt the base of my spine heating up. The heat seemed to form a triangular area in my lower back and kept getting hotter. I started to get concerned and then my hands and feet felt like they were getting larger and I began to feel numbness in them. I tried to get up to get my children but I couldn't. I was totally paralyzed. I thought that I was having a stroke but there wasn't anything I could do.

All of a sudden there was a flash of light and I felt as if I was hurdled through it. I was being hurdled through a shower of geometrical shapes, many of which were chevrons. There was a rushing, roaring sound that sounded fluid like water in a roaring river. Then all of a sudden I was flying among eagles through a rugged canyon with steep walls on each side. I couldn't see the bottom of it even though I looked down at times. The colors were brilliant and everything was so beautiful. It is impossible to describe the beauty of there in words from here. Both walls of the canyon had outcroppings everywhere and there was a person standing on each one. They all had their backs to me.

I got the feeling that Bill was here. Finally I could see him ahead but was afraid I would fly right by him. But as I got nearer I just seemed to float over to him. He turned around and faced me and smiled at me. I was so happy to see him. I reached out to touch him but was suspended just out of reach. There had been a strong wind when I was with the eagles but now it had subsided. He had been in a shadow like the others I had passed on the outcroppings but now the sunlight was shining on him. He seemed happy and just like he had been in life, except now I sensed a power about him that had not been there before. He told me that he loved me and that he was going to stay with me. He reminded me that he had kept his promise (we had made a pact.) He told me that he had been murdered and that he had forgiven them. He wanted me to forgive them but told me that he understand why I couldn't. He told me not to go back to work because I would not be safe there but he said that he knew that I would any way.

Even though it was so beautiful there I didn't think it was heaven and was concerned that Bill had gone somewhere else. When I asked him he laughed and told me that "Heaven is wherever a soul is." He seemed amused at my concern. I also sensed an unseen power there that made me feel very humble. I also felt euphoric and peaceful. I could hardly believe that I was there with my deceased husband and talking with him. He told me that it was a place that he could come to me from and that I could also go there. There had been an eagle that had followed us home from the hospital, all the way up the mountain,  and had stayed at our house. (It would stay with me in the yard until the next October - for three months after his death). I asked him if he was the eagle. He said, "No. He is my messenger and your steed. He brought you here to me."

He then began to tell me things that related to time and space and quantum physics. He told me of the oneness of all things. I didn't understand at first. They seemed to be in a riddle form. I didn't understand why he was telling me these things because I wanted to talk about us instead. He told me that our time apart would be an eternity for me but a "blink of an eye" for him. I wanted to stay with him. He told me that I couldn't but that he would stay with me and bring me back to here also. He told me he loved me again and blew me a kiss. I was then propelled away from him and found myself laying in the bed again.

I got out of bed and ran into the front room where my children were. I asked them how long I had been laying down and they said 20 or 30 minutes. I felt that I had been with Bill for about 15 minutes. I then told my children what I had just experienced. I felt euphoric which seemed out of place on such an otherwise, horrible day. He kept his word and stayed with me, making his presence known many times each day for a year, until I finally quit work. Although I did see apparitions of him both at home and work, he didn't speak to me during them and didn't seem to be able to make the apparition last more than a moment. He took me back to the canyon four more times and it was there that we could talk for long periods of time with each other. I also had many vivid dreams in which he talked to me. Bill's presence in my life became a normal way of life for me. Other than going to work, I became a hermit and hardly ever left the house.

After one year it was almost as if Bill began to "wean" me from his daily contacts and began to come less frequently. At first I was terrified that he would leave but then I began to realize that I had hung on to him for too long and that he needed to pursue his own destiny. In the last vision/obe Bill told me that I needed to lead a more normal life. I had become stronger after a year and began to accept that we both needed to go on with our lives. During the next two years he would make a contact when I had weak moments. I have finally accepted our fate but I know that I will be with him again.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?

Yes

The sounds I heard and the feelings I felt right before Bill transported me to where he was were strange and hard to explain clearly. Even now when I try to describe them I feel that I am not describing it adequately. It is also hard to describe the place he took me to and the feelings that I had while there. The colors and sensations were like none that I had ever experienced on earth. Everything was magnified and intense. The beauty there is indescribable. Besides Bill and the other deceased, I felt the presence of an unseen power which made me feel very humble.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     

Bill and I stood face to face and talked. It was very clear. He told me that he was murdered and that he was concerned for my safety. He didn't want me to go back to work. He told me that he would stay with me for as long as possible. He reminded me that he had kept his promise (we had made a pact). He told me he loved me and assured me that we would be together again.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?        

Bill actually spoke to me. We had a conversation just as we had when he was alive.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?        

Not only similar but exactly Bill's voice.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?     

No

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?

No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         

No

Did you see the deceased?       

Yes

Bill looked exactly as he had in life.  He was still dressed in his uniform.  The only thing that I noted was that his eyes were restored to their condition before his death. When I was with him at the hospital his eyes popped out of his head right before he died. The nurses said that it was called "optical poptitude" caused by a swelling brain. It had horrified me because he had such large, beautiful, dark eyes. But when I saw him in the canyon his eyes were normal again.  I was happy to see that he had been given back his beautiful eyes.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid, exactly as he had appeared in life.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of him.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            He was the same age.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He was very healthy before he died and appeared very healthy at the canyon.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?  

No

How long did the experience last?      

It seemed to be for a period of approximately fifteen minutes. After I came back I got up and went out to the front room and asked my children how long I had been laying down and they told me for about twenty to thirty minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         

The beginning was very sudden and the ending was also sudden.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?         

Yes

Happy, powerful, peaceful but he showed concern for me.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? 

Bill confirmed that he was murdered but I had already suspected that. He told me that he had already forgiven them and wanted me to do the same but told me that he understood why I couldn't. He told me not to go back to work since I would be in danger there but told me he realized that I would go back anyway to try to investigate his murder. He told me that he loved me and that we would be together again. He told me that he would stay with me as long as he could but that someday that we would both have to go on. The canyon was so rugged and powerful and so unlike what I thought heaven would be so I expressed my concerns and asked him if this was heaven. He was amused and told me that heaven is wherever a soul is. He told me of the oneness of all things. He told me that time was a "slide with more directions than one", "there is no such thing as nothingness", "Look to the smallest of things for answers." He told me that I would go through a very bitter period in my life because of his death that would  last for several years but that I would come out of it. He said that there was nothing he nor I could do to avoid it and that it would just run its course and that he would stay with me and help me. He told me that a close friend would forsake me. He told me that the time we would have to be apart would seem like an eternity to me but would be just a blink of an eye for him.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?        

Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:  

I know that it was real. There, in the canyon,  was more real than here. In the next two and one-half years after that first vision/obe Bill took me there four more times. Everything seemed so stark and clear there. The reality here palled compared to reality there. When I was there with Bill I felt connected and focused in a way that I have never felt here. I felt humbled by the forces there but at the same time I felt a peacefulness to such an extent that I have never been able to duplicate here. I didn't want to leave there but I had no choice.

          Was the experience dream like in any way? 

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:        

Scared at first signs: ringing in my ears, intense triangular heat sensation in my lower back, feeling that my hands and feet were growing and then total paralysis. Also scared and surprised when I felt as if I was hurtled through space. But when I saw Bill there in the canyon, I was ecstatic and happy. I also felt awed and humbled by the power in that place. When I came back I felt sad and disappointed to have to leave there and wanted to go back. But I still felt happy to know that Bill still existed and that I would see him again because he had told me that he would stay with me as long as he could.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?         

Yes

If Bill had not stayed with me for that first year on a daily basis I would not have made it without him.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   

The best part was to know that Bill is still existing and that I will see him again some day. The worst part is the chasm that it caused in my realities and trying to adjust to a normal life again here. Still, I sometimes long for that other reality.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      

Yes                Describe:    

I am not fearful of tomorrow or of worldly problems. I feel that I am more forgiving to my fellow man now than I was before.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?            Yes    I am not afraid of death at all. I know that life continues for the soul and that brings me great peace at times. I feel more connected to all living things than I did before.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         

Yes    I am certain that there is life after death now. I am certain that there is a God.

Bill made many references to physics and in particular quantum physics. His references to time, ("Time is a slide with more directions than one.") and other things that he told me made me aware of the probability of a hyper-dimensional universe. He alluded to many things, almost in riddle form, but as I try to study such things I am beginning to come upon the answers to many of his references.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?     

Yes

When Bill and I were first together we had talked about death. I told him that if I died first that I would come back to let him know if there was life after death and made him promise me that he would also. At the time, though, I think that he thought I was being silly and said that he would just to placate me. But Bill never broke a promise to me or anyone else so I am not surprised that he kept his word.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        

Yes Bill

told me that a friend would forsake me and they did. That was in this first vision/obe. In other vision/obe's and dreams he told me about 9/11 and about another terrible event that happened locally.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         

I felt euphoric and blessed that Bill was still here and happy. I also felt a little confused because I had never experienced anything so intense. I had so many questions as to why and how but was generally afraid to speak of my experiences for the first few years except to my children and a couple of close friends. I virtually became a hermit for the first few years after my husband's death. I spent most of my spare time trying to research some areas that Bill had referred to such as physics, etc.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?         

No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? 

Yes

Not altered time but altered space in that I was taken to somewhere strange to me.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    

Yes

Yes, I knew that there was universal order and plan. I was not aware of details of them but knew that they existed and that Bill and I were an integral part of it, just as every soul is.

Did you become aware of future events?     

Yes

Yes, just the ones that Bill told me about.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           Yes

Bill stayed with me for a year on a daily basis and for a couple of more years he would come occasionally. I also seem to be more prone to being aware of other unseen entities now. I am often precognitive about events that are about to happen without trying to be. Life is very different now for me.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?         

Yes

My body was paralyzed and I had the sensation of being hurtled from it.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?     

Yes

There were dozens of other beings, whom I assumed were also deceased, that were standing on various outcroppings of the canyon walls. They all had their backs to me. I did not speak to any of them and they did not acknowledge me. They appeared to be from all walks of life and varied races. I sensed that some of them were feeling confused.

Did you see a light?        

Yes   When I was first hurtled from my body.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?        

No

Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    In the first few years I mainly just confided in my two adult children and two good friends. My two children had also experienced some things in my home with

Bill but tended to be frightened by it. They don't like to talk about it now. My two close friends listened to me and supported me but I don't think that they totally believed it. It is hard to expect someone to believe such things unless they have experienced similar things. I did have one of Bill's friends call me and tell me that they got a phone call in the middle of the night from him in the first week after his death. I had Officers and inmates at the jail tell me that they either saw Bill or heard Bill walking. I had Officers tell me that Bill logged onto the jail computer and made log entries. They showed me a printout of it. I had inmates tell me that they saw Bill doing his walk-through (head counts) in the middle of the night. Some even saw orbs. The Officers and inmates that had these experiences were always very scared. I saw and heard him at the jail all the time but was surprised that so many others did also. I think that they were glad when I quit hoping that Bill would leave with me.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

Yes

I have a question about what I called the "light shows" and have written to a few researchers to see if I could get an explanation of what they were and what they were called. So far I have had no luck in getting an answer. In reading and searching the internet I realized that most of my experiences were common except for the light shows. Bill would manifest a geometrical shape (such as semi-circles, spirals, tetrahedrons, etc.) pulsating in brilliant colors. They ranged in size from 1 foot to 4 feet high, were 3-D, had a visual musical quality to them. They also interacted with me in that if I walked away it would follow me. When I put my hand to it I could feel an electrical impulse. They would last from a few minutes to thirty minutes. In all experiences with the light shows I was fully awake, just doing normal things such as housework, brushing my teeth, watching television, etc. They were all extremely beautiful and I felt as if Bill was giving me special gifts when he would manifest one for me. If your researchers have ever heard of these I would appreciate knowing what they are officially called and of other experiences by other people.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?     

I now believe that the canyon was an in-between place were Bill stayed because he was able to come back to this reality from there. He should have left there sooner than he did but he made the sacrifice to stay there to be able to help me through my intense grieving. I believe he delayed his destiny because of his love for me. He had to go on but he stayed as long as he possibly could.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   

No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? 

Yes 

I had five vision/obe's with Bill and several more after he left without him. But the ones without Bill were to different places viewing different things. I didn't talk to anyone in any of them. I viewed strange events. These were also spontaneous in that I was not trying to induce them. I also felt vulnerable in the obe's without Bill.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?          

Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.         

No. The questions were comprehensive.