Patricia V's Experiences

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Second Experience description:
 

Wow, where to start. My mother passed on May 5th 2002 unexpectedly. I was and still am devastated. She was my best friend, my rock, my mentor, my reason for being. I was tormented by feelings of intense guilt for not spending more time with her, for being so busy with my life that I didn't see the severity of her illness. (and me a nurse for 20 yrs!)     I had never researched or been interested in ADC subjects, etc other than an occasional curiosity if I ran across something like an article, etc. Needless to say I was pretty unprepared for all that has happened since.   

I WAS DREAMING A VERY STRANGE DREAM THAT I DID NOT CONNECT UNTIL AFTER I RETURNED HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. IT REALLY WASN'T A VISUAL DREAM, IT WAS MORE AUDITORY. I WAS HEARING WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A CHORUS OF VOICES SAYING IN UNISON AND REPEATEDLY BUT NOT URGENTLY, ‘HELP HER’. IT WAS NOT INSISTENT ENOUGH TO WAKE ME PRIOR TO THE PHONE CALL AND I AM USED TO HAVING VERY ODD DREAMS SO I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT UNTIL LATER.

I got the call from the hospital that night that she had taken a turn for the worse and I should get there right away. I couldn't believe it! She wasn't supposed to die! I screamed at the top of my lungs after hanging up the phone. Nooo! Please God don't let this happen! My friend and roommate woke up and seeing what was happening drove me to the hospital and was a great deal of support. She had already been moved to ICU. They were still in the process of performing cpr, etc. The Dr. in attendance was one that I knew well and I was permitted in to ‘see what I could do’.

There she was, looking nothing like my mother, eyes open and staring, pupils fixed and dilated, connected to a ventilator that was forcing oxygen into her lungs. I knew as soon as I looked at her that she was no longer there. I went to her side anyway, kissed her forehead and begged her not to leave me. While I was doing this the heart monitor that was connected to her was beeping loudly and steadily as everyone else in the room stared in amazement. I was so focused on talking to mom I didn't even notice. After I said my goodbye, I left the room.

Soon The Dr. came in the room where I sat and told me that when I walked in the room the heart monitor began to pick up a heart beat that had not been there previously and it sustained that beat until shortly before I left the room. After he told me that I did then recall the monitors beeping. He said that it had been 5-10 minutes since she had had any type of heart rhythm, and prior to that the rhythm was erratic at best. But when I walked in the room it was steady, visible on the monitor, and seemed strong. That was my first experience with afterlife. I know now she was just returning for a moment to try and say goodbye, but I was not ready to listen at that point. 

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No      

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No   

Your beliefs immediately prior to the experience regarding your fear of death.                       Slightly fearful

Your beliefs currently regarding your fear of death. Not fearful

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I WAS MOSTLY STILL IN SHOCK, DENIAL. MY WORLD HAD FALLEN DOWN AROUND ME. MOM AND I, OR RATHER I HAD ALWAYS TOLD HER THAT WHEN SHE GOES I WAS GOING TO GO WITH HER.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes    ONLY TO A SMALL DEGREE AT THAT TIME. I WAS STILL IN MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN, ANGRY AT MYSELF, THE WORLD FOR NOT SAVING HER. THE EXPERIENCE DID CONVINCE ME THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON OUTSIDE OF OUR WORLD AND I WAS DETERMINED TO LEARN MORE.

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have?             Life-changing              

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes       THE PHYSICIAN AND AT LEAST 4 REGISTERED NURSES WERE IN THE ROOM.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   Yes     I HAVE SHARED THIS ONE AND MANY MORE SINCE WITH THE AFTER-DEATH.COM SITE.