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Paula T's ADC

Experience description:  

My dad died from cancer on the 13th April 2005.  Both he and mum had battled the disease (both colon cancer) for 5 years.  Mum died 8 weeks later on the 12 June. 

Although my brother, sister and I were devastated it wasn't a shock and in many ways we were relieved that their emotional and physical pain was over and our anxiety over them was over.  I was especially close to my parents and I traveled the cancer journey very closely with them along the way from diagnosis through to their passing.  It was an extremely difficult few years. 

On the night of the 14th June, 2 days after mums passing I was having a dream in which my 3 year old daughter was either seriously hurt or killed.  The shock of turning her body over in my dream made we wake up with a start.  I was very clearly awake and glad to be in the bedroom next to my husband and the dream not at all real. 

Within seconds of waking, I saw something hazy in front of me.  I looked at it and slowly saw my dads face emerge into a very clear image and then slowly, next to it appeared 2 very clear eyes but with no face. My fathers face looked good and how I remembered him when he was well but he didn't say anything.  I waited desperately hoping for the eyes to turn into a face but it never happened - they just remained that way.  As I was looking at the images all around them some awful ghoulish, scary faces kept coming in and out of the whole vision - they looked a bit like emaciated, terrified people screaming.  Amazingly, I wasn't scared, jus a little bit intrigued. I knew I didn't want to move just in case it went away and I so wanted it to do more such as speak to me or for the eyes to become something.  But they never did.  I did hold out my hand at one point in the hope that dad might touch it but I felt nothing. 

Because I had lifted my head when the image first appeared, I had neck ache because I didn't dare put it back down again.  I was also aware of the street lights outside and my husband moving around and giving the odd snore beside me.  I so wanted to wake him up to say 'LOOK!' but I also feared it would disappear if I did so. 

Because of my sore neck I did eventually put my head down and eventually drifted back to sleep but as soon as I awoke in the morning it was my first thought and I found a little comfort from it and felt quite dazed by it.  I also thought if I told anyone they think I'd lost the plot! 

During the experience, I didn't consider that the eyes may have been my mums eyes even though she had just passed away 2 days earlier.  I still don't know if they were but I think that maybe they were. 

Prior to this experience I have to say I was probably the world's biggest skeptic when I read or heard about after death communication.  I just thought it was experienced or even fabricated by crazy people beside themselves with grief or on strong medication.  I am still a touch skeptical as I am a 'doubting thomas' by nature but I know that what I saw in my bedroom that night was very, very real.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?          No

Did you see the deceased?        Yes

He looked well as I remembered him when he was well and not like when he died.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            like a black and white photo - nice and clear

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Just the head

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            A little younger

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Very well

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No

How long did the experience last?       approx 10 mins.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?          gradual- hazy to clear image.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Uncertain

Felt that my dad was saying my kids would be looked after but not really sure.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?         Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   Because I was wide awake and the experience was very clear and real.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:         I was asleep but awoken by a bad dream.  I was definitely clearly awake.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Uncertain

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    Best it thinking that there might be an afterlife of some kind for my parents and that they would have been re-united. 

Worst part is that I wanted them to say some comforting words to me and they didn't and that they never came back to me again.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?       No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?        

Death Compacts
are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?      Yes

Yes, I asked my mum to come back with the word Muffin as a code word but it never happened.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Comforted

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?          Yes

Hard to describe.  See main text.

Did you see a light?         No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?         No

Have you shared this experience with others?       

Yes    My sister and brother were pleased to hear about it.  They weren't over influenced by it.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?      No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?  No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           No

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.   No