This is a series of events.

My grandmother died of a heart attack in a hospital 10 days after a brain stroke. She passed away on 26th Dec, and left me devastated. I was in UK when she died in India, unable to say my goodbyes because I had become a new mother that September and baby's paperwork was not ready to leave the country and visit her in India. She died without seeing her great-grandson whom she already doted on just like she doted on me.

In a phone conversation a few days before she suffered the stroke, she pleaded with me to come and visit her and made a statement that she would die before she could see my baby. I felt sad and guilty when she said that but never thought it was a premonition.

Also a few days before her death I had a quarrel with my husband which left me really upset. I went to the bathroom and cried and that crying turned into a proper fit by the end of which I was fully clothed under a shower and screaming her name over and over. It was like I was possessed. I still am unsure whether this was me getting to know she was leaving or did I send all my bad vibes to her. But I missed my mother (grandmother) and I was screaming for her. My grandparents raised me instead of my parents and I am so grateful for that, perhaps the best thing that could happen to me.

Two/three days after her death I woke up one night to find a blinking blue light in the sitting room. The light came from the DVD reader flashing 'Goodbye'. The machine says goodbye when you are turning it off. But this was flashing sign like I had just turned it on and should actually read 'Welcome'. Any ways crazy things happen with electronics. But what I cannot disregard is the feeling that she was sitting on the sofa. I could not see or smell her but I did feel her. I was so scared that I told her to go because she was not needed here. Wow! I was so scared that I turned on her, how could I. It was almost that I had to say those words for some reason. Only yesterday I was amazed to find myself alive because I felt I had to die with her and now I had already asked her to leave when she came all that way to say her goodbyes.... so cruel of me.

Traditionally we cook for the deceased's soul and distribute to the poor but since I could not organize that I just cooked her favorite meals and put them out to the birds. I have never seen so many or such variety of birds in my patch ever. A pair of every kind, where from in that particularly cold winter on 2010. I was so bewildered, it was as if the universe was asking me to Believe that there is something beyond and I would meet her again.

Then in the first week on January I had a dream in which she touched my hand and as she touched me I sat up in my bed (this is all a part of a surreal dream) and then she quickly retreated her steps, and as I saw her go I was helpless as I was tied down to my body, I started to cry and claw at my husband but all in vain for she went to the window in the room and turned into an orb. Then a couple of orbs joined her and the they all flew out. But this was all a dream just a very unsettling one. The next time I turned on my computer I saw the colorful orbs flying around and forming the Windows logo and it felt like dj vu.

I am not very religious especially with all that's wrong with the world today, I am also skeptical, so it takes a lot of convincing for me to believe in things. But I do think these things over and over. I cannot let go of the feelings that pursued me around the time of her death. My soulmate had died and had not even asked about me at her time of death or seen my child. Everyone had been there with her, all the family except me, she saw them all and asked about everyone except me, they used to call me her pill, if I was near her she was always great. Later I was told that it is a phenomenon which eases ones release from the world so they forget their loved ones and are able to leave this world and move on.

Five years on I am a busy mum of two but the pain there is just neglected under the surplus chores to be done. I discovered ADCRF during my period of bereavement. Even tough I have tough time believing in things, reading and experiencing all these stories had helping me build up faith that I will meet her again, which is enough for me.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?        Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        couple of minutes in the sitting room.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Uncertain  She was calm

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           When I felt her in the sitting room I was spooked out.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I knew she had been with me and probably seen my son.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best part was that she had been near me and my baby.

worst was when I asked her to go.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     There are things that cannot be explained, doesn't mean they did not happen.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?   Yes     There is an energy left after death, what happens to it I don't know.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Scared and scarred by asking her to go away when I felt the opposite

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?  No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

During the surreal dream I am uncertain whether my inner person actually sat up in bed ready to leave but could not or was it all in my head.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?           No

Did you see a light?           Yes  orbs were glowing

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Husband. he is more logical and supportive.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?       No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes