Mary A's ADC

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Experience description:  

Shari had been my flatmate for about 3 months and the only thing that we always had a row about was the messy state she kept the house in and her friends dropping in every single day late at night. On 31st may, 2002  i was awakened by the doorbell at 4 am to be informed that Shari was in an accident and was no more. My immediate reaction was of disbelief and complete shock because i had seen her just a few hours earlier in the house before i went  to bed.

After she was buried the task of clearing out her room and handing over her things to her people was upon me. While i was packing her stuff, there were a few things like a really pretty dress and two smart silk blouses that i didn't have the heart to throw away. i guess momentarily i turned rather mean and selfish and said to myself, " now that she will never use them again, its a shame to keep them packed with mothballs, which is what her parents would have done. So, why i can't i use them?"

So, i took some of  those things away to my own room and packed the rest of the things and handed it over to her parents.

Those things remained in my cupboard after that. A few days later, i realized that there was a bottle of conditioner that had remained in the bathroom which i had missed and a pair of shoes she had left in my room under the bed and had gone unnoticed.  I moved the conditioner bottle to my own bathroom and her shoes to my shoe rack.

The evening of June 14, 2002, 14 days after her death, was a Friday night that a few friends had planned a party for. I was at work till fairly late and had very little time to rush back and change. As i hurriedly rummaged through my closet, i suddenly remembered the clothes i had taken from Shari's room and decided i will wear one of them. Since they were placed in the middle shelf of the closet i would see them every single morning while i took out my work clothes. Even that morning i remembered thinking that i haven't had an occasion to wear that pretty dress.

As i looked and rummaged through my closet, i suddenly realized that exactly those clothes which i had taken from her room, were missing. I thought i had probably placed them somewhere else even though the possibility was minimal since i saw them every morning. My gut instinct told me that i couldn't have placed it anywhere else. Something made me go to my shoe rack immediately. Her shoes which was lying there till that morning were missing. As a horrible sinking feeling rose at the pit of my stomach, i forced myself to enter my bathroom, but even before i opened the door, i knew what i would find. The bottle of conditioner which i had moved from her bathroom to mine was not there.

Nothing else was touched or missing. I was the only one with a key to the Apartment which is on the 5th floor. The other key which had belonged to her was with the landlord who lives a few miles away. There is no way any one could have come in through that door without breaking  it open. And as i mentioned, nothing else was touched.....my own valuables, TV, Stereo, Money, CDs, jewelry...nothing was touched. Only the things that had belonged to Shari were not there.

My first reaction was fear mixed with disbelief. I didn't want to stay at home another minute, because i felt ashamed of what i had done, stealing from a dead person and horribly guilty. I rushed out of the house and spent the night at a friend's place. I dreamt of ghosts and  Shari and had a fitful sleep. But by morning i was coherent and tried to figure out why of all the days that day. It struck me that usually i also lock my room door apart from my main door, but that day because i was in a hurry and couldn't find the lock i had simply bolted it from outside. And locked the main door.

Then i was reminded of something else too. Just a few days before that, my friend who was visiting me from out of town was waiting for me outside my apartment and when i eventually came back told me that a dark complexioned girl with short hair looking extremely hassled had come and asked her if there was anyone at home. When my friend told her that no one was home, she asked her if she knew whether Shari's things had been cleared from her room. My friend who had just  learnt of the death the previous evening when she had called me told her that she didn't know.

When i came back home and my friend told me about this, i was puzzled because Shari didn't have any one except her parents who lived in the same city. And her parents had already taken  away all her stuff. So, it was strange that a third person would come looking for her things. When she described the girl to me, i was a little taken aback because that's the way Shari had looked-dark complexioned and short hair. At that moment i dismissed the thought as silly and assumed maybe it was some relative of hers who had come by to take a last look, even though the possibility was very very remote.

But after the mystery of the missing things, i connected the two.

I've never really believed in ghosts or the paranormal existence and neither am i a religious fanatic. But what i can piece together after this experience is only one thing. I obviously offended her by taking her stuff without her permission, even though she was physically no more and she had been waiting in the flat to take it back at an opportune moment when i was away and my room was unlocked.

For a wild moment, i thought i would call her parents and ask them if those things had surfaced there in her room, but i was too embarrassed.  But the experience has been very disturbing.  I cannot think of a single logical explanation to those missing things especially since nothing else has been touched. 

I don't know how to react. I have mixed feelings, because i am more or less sure it was her spirit that took away her things. And since our relationship hadn't exactly been a very friendly one because of her habits, i don't know if she means to harm me in any way even though i never had any ill feelings for her.

At the end of it all, i am very confused and a little fearful of the experience.

Did you sense an awareness or presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them ?  Yes
   
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  I only dreamt that  night that she was standing in my room and looking for any other thing of hers which i could have taken. In the dream i wake up to find her in the room and she tells is upset with me for doing what i did. And she says something that sounds like a curse that i don't understand.

But this could be because i was already paranoid  and my feelings were mixed up. And maybe it was my own fear portrayed through the dream.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:  Experience was definitely real

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I was immediately fearful and horribly guilty about what i had done. I had a sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach and i wanted to run out of my apartment.

Have you ever made a death compact?  Uncertain
      Describe:  After a particularly nasty fight that Shari and I had one evening after i came back from work with my friends, because she had left the shower on and water had been flowing for a few hours, i banged the door on her face and walked in to my room because i was frustrated with her housekeeping skills. My friends meanwhile were waiting in the living room and had witnessed this fight. She was pretty friendly with them because they would drop by every now and then. Though i wasn't aware of it, after her death, my friends who were present that day told me that while i was inside the room she was chatting them up and had told them in mock anger," God...she is so fussy. If i die early, i'll come back and haunt her." i learnt about this two days after her  death and didn't take it seriously.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No
  

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I have actually started believing in the existence of life after death, because i see no other explanation to those missing things. No one knew i had taken them and her parents hadn't even unpacked her things. And i've also become a little fearful of what she might do next, if she really hated me when she was alive.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  No

What emotions/feelings did you experience following your experience?  Fear first, then  unreasonable anger at being violated in my own home and then relief because my guess, she only wanted her things and she got them. So, i don't see a reason why she should come back.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The realization that it couldn't have been possibly a living person who had gotten in to the house given the circumstances.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes
      Describe:  Everything that happened has been covered, including my fears, my feelings and my beliefs before and after the experience.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire:  Some of the questions are repetitive. But otherwise its very comprehensive. And i'm glad i got an opportunity to share my experience with someone, because i am too embarrassed to share it with another person.

ANOTHER SUBSEQUENT EXPERIENCE:

Well, i don't know for sure what i ought to think now after the latest incident. The day after i sent you my first mail, something happened to which i need to give you a background.

The rent to my apartment is Rs.6000 which was equally split between Shari and I. According to the rule, when we first moved in , we have to give our landlord ten months' rent as a refundable deposit for security purposes which we get back when we move out. Apart from this every 1st of the month we pay him Rs.6000 as rent.

Since Shari died on 31st of May and rent day was on 1st June, i hadn't yet collected her share of the rent.

After things had settled down, i spoke to the landlord about Shari's share of the deposit which had to be returned to her parents and we decided that he can deduct her share of the rent for the month of May from the deposit and return the rest to her parents, since i couldn't afford to pay the full rent.

Which is what we eventually did.

Now coming to the day after i sent you my first mail. As usual, i came back form work at about 8 pm. After the incident of the missing clothes and shoes i had made it a point to check if everything was in place each evening after i came back. As i was just checking if everything was ok, i noticed some CDs which had been inside a closed CD rack were outside on the table and i know i  had not had the time lately to listen to music, let alone look through my CD collection. As i saw that, i remembered that i had kept some emergency cash hidden in the CD rack, about Rs.5000.

I opened the rack and looked for the money. The money was still there, but only Rs.2000. The rest(Rs.3000) was missing. And Rs.3000 was Shari's share of the rent which  i had asked the landlord to deduct from her share of the deposit!

Now how do i explain this? What does a spirit have to do with money or for that matter clothes and shoes????

This time i didn't hesitate and i called her mother and told her what had been happening. She told me that nothing had surfaced there as far as she knew. But would let me know if she realized something was happening there too.

So, that's where it stands.....i seem to be stuck with a spirit that still wants to party and shop!

If there is anyone with any insight or can give assistance with determining if Shari is gone from the apartment now, you can contact:  freudian@rediffmail.com