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Robyn R's ADC

Experience description:  

My sophomore year of high school a freshman named Pete joined the cross country team, which I was a part of.  We were immediate friends. He was goofy, warm and always had me laughing. He would come meet me by my locker every day and we would walk to lunch together. He would always do the thing where you poke the shoulder opposite of where you're standing and I'd fall for it most days. This became our ritual. The morning he died we found out through an announcement made over the school's loudspeaker.  It was devastating, to say the least.  I can still remember the announcement word for word. The hallways at school sounded like what I would picture a battlefield sounding like after war - moans, screams, cries, people walking around with blank stares, unable to fully make sense of the events surrounding.  The rest of the day at school was a complete blur and unbelievably exhausting. 

I went home that afternoon and straight upstairs to my room and fell asleep.  In my dream Pete and I were standing in the school hallway by the lockers.  The school was completely empty except for the two of us.  He was wearing a starter jacket, which were big at that time and to my knowledge he didn't own. He passed two weeks before Christmas and I often wonder if it was a gift he was going to receive from his parents. He hugged me and said goodbye. I kept asking him, begging him to stay and he said to me several times "this is my way out of here".  He then walked down the hallway and disappeared.  Dreams are often forgotten by the time we are fully awake, but this has stayed with me all my life. We had a special bond so without a doubt in my mind, this was him consoling me and saying goodbye.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?        No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    see description of dream

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?      It was as if I was having an actual conversation

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           it was like having a conversation with him. his voice.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Yes

we hugged

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  nothing

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

he looked just like himself, only he was wearing a black starter jacket, which I had never seen him in

How clearly did the deceased appear?            perfectly clear

How much of the deceased did you see?       all of him, head to toe. he was fully clothed. :)

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       I had the dream the afternoon on the day of his death, which was early that morning. he looked the exact same, but I knew him no other way

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            the car was hit by a semi and he died almost instantly. I was told his brain swelled and he was unrecognizable.  he looked completely fine in my dream. I honestly can't remember if I knew all of the details from the accident pre/post dream.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        not long, 5 or so minutes. maybe even 2 - 3 minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         I'd say gradual. he showed up in the hallway and I remember him walking away from me and then vanishing.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Calm. I was begging him to stay and he seemed serene and calm and just matter of fact. he just said "this is my way out of here" like he had to go. he was at peace and not trying to stay with me.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  n/a

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           it's something that's hard to explain with mere words. it was a feeling. it was like I was having a conversation with him, just like I did every day at school, only we were saying goodbye and I knew it was forever. it's something I believe in more strongly as time goes on because I've never felt or experienced anything like that since. I've had other people I've been close with pass since, but he was my only communication.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No      

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I was sad and pleading with him to stay, but I remember knowing I had to let go and he had to go. it was something I didn't question, just a feeling of knowing we had to say goodbye. I don't remember crying in the dream and he definitely wasn't.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

yes, but it took some time. I was a kid and I had lost one of my closest friends. death was something that I hadn't grasped at that time. the dream definitely helped initially, but even more so as time went on and I realized how powerful it was to have that experience. he's someone I still think about often, hence me writing this, and that dream still helps me understand his departure.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was seeing Pete one last time. He gave me such a gift by letting us say goodbye. I also feel so honored and loved that he came to me to let go. It validates how special our friendship was and still is.  There's no bad part to this part of the experience.  The only "worst part" and I'm sure it's the answer most give, is that I lost someone who I like to think would still be in my life to this day - 21 years later.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I just missed my friend

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I'll tell people here and there because it was so powerful to me. Some people agree that it was him, but I'm also met with eye rolls or people who just think it was a dream, period.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       I've tried a couple of times to open up to him coming back to say Hi, but sadly it's never happened.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?       No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes