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Sandra M's ADC

Experience description:  

After three days of deathbed experiences--amazing in their own right--and 16 to 18 hours of vigil at hospice--during which some of the most profound experiences of my life occurred--I was holding my husband's hand as he drew his last breath at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday, December 23, 2006.  I returned home in the late afternoon of that day after spending several hours with my sisters and brothers.  Although very tired, I was unable to sleep right away, and just sat staring at the wall and petting the dog until I finally felt tired enough to get in our bed, perhaps around 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. 

I was awakened by my husband's voice just outside the bedroom door in the hall where I couldn't see him because of the door's placement (that is, if his visit was intended to be visible).  I wasn't shocked at hearing his voice because I'd heard it daily for 25 years except for much of the previous three days when he was increasingly unable to speak.  He was saying something about what an amazing place he found himself in, and then I realized he had died just hours before.  Now I was fully awake, not wanting to move and possibly interfere with his message, and heard him say very clearly and with happy excitement, "I'm getting some of this for us, baby."  The last syllable of "baby" was truncated as if something had broken the connection. When I was certain there was no more, I got up, went to the hall, saw nothing different, and went downstairs to the computer as I often did when I couldn't sleep. 

I had an e-mail newsletter from a Sacred Geometry site with an article about the "Midnight Sun," an article that addressed the spiritual meaning of the Winter Solstice especially with regard to death.  I found that to be synchronistic at the time--and it has continued to be so, as I have encountered additional reference to the "Midnight Sun" on personally important days or times of deep grief.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          Yes

Only the undeniability of its reality--an admittedly subjective experience that cannot be communicated or shared in words.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    Please see above.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  Definitely outside of me and definitely as my husband's voice.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Identical to his voice when alive--though strong, happy, and excited.  His voice had been somewhat weak for the last two weeks of his life, and as reported above, he was intermittently unable to speak for the last day or two before his death.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.  I was alone in the house except for our dog.  No radio, television, tape, or cd unit was on.  No one lives near enough to be audible from their own homes.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        It's hard to say.  Less than a minute.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The beginning was gradual in that I awoke while he was speaking.  It ended abruptly with the final syllable of his last word partially cut off.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Happy, strong, excited.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Only that he was surprised and happy with where he found himself to be, and that he was planning for me in that he was "getting some of this for us."

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           How can one explain the experience of his or her own existence as "real"?

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I say "sad" above because I was still in shock from Scott's death, and grief had not yet set in.  During the experience I felt only intense alertness and attention.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Even during the subsequent months of grief occasionally bordering on the unbearable, I could summon the memory of this contact and know that he was well and happy, and, at least immediately following his death, still thinking of me

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was that it happened; the worst part was that it ended.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      My interest in all things spiritual has increased--though the nature of human consciousness has always been of interest to me.  I find myself less concerned with cultural or political issues and more concerned with issues of spiritual development.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes     It solidified my visceral knowledge that physical life is a phase of eternity.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Still in shock from his death--that is, no onset of the grief I subsequently experienced.  But I felt happiness, relief, and even joy at the fact that he'd come to tell me as much of his experience as he could--and to let me know that I was still part of that experience.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I've shared this with people I know and who, to my knowledge and best judgment, would find it interesting and useful rather than weird.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            Yes

Regular dose of lorazepam prescribed for anxiety throughout husband's illness.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

An out of body experience when I was 24 years old studying archaeology in the Middle East.  I floated out of my body and over the dig-site which I studied in the moonlight so I could check out formations the next day to see if the on-ground relationships between rocks and other features matched what I saw from above.  To some extent, they did.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Uncertain

The actual contact experience seemed to be a continuation, in some ways, of experiences during the hours just before his death.  Not so much in terms of verbal communication but of a connection between the two of us and another wiser and larger consciousness.  However, this other consciousness was not a part of the after-death contact, as far as I recall.