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Sandy F's ADC

Experience description:  

This is an excerpt of the email I sent to my best friend minutes after I had woken up:

"I just had another wonderful dream (?) about my mother.  And you were in it too.  You and me were outside on a lawn in front of a house.  I think I was packing up some stuff or something, and we were going to your house.  My mother showed up to me (I knew she had passed away in the dream, but I could hear her and see her.  You couldn't.)  So her and I were talking, and you and I were talking.  Mom and I were having such a nice talk.  I said I would be over at your house later because I wanted to stay and spend this time with my mother.  You said ok, but you seemed a bit worried that I wouldn't "come back to reality", sort of.  Nonetheless, Mom and I spent some time together, and we talked and I said how wonderful it was to see her again, and how much I missed her and loved her.  We held hands and sat beside each other on a couch.  There was another person there-a man at the other end of the couch (I didn't know him), but I knew he thought I was talking to myself, when I was talking to her.  Anyway,  I asked her if she had seen Dad and she said yes she had.  She showed me a picture of him.  I kind of talked to him too just briefly.  He said it was kind of weird seeing her again, because  it had been so long. In my dream(?) he still looked 50 so he was commenting on her being 75.  But she seemed fine with that and happy to have seen him and at peace, but it was kind of like she didn't need him (which is surprising).  Anyway, I was asking her little stuff too about whether she wanted me to keep her things put away special or mix them with my stuff etc...I don't really remember how it ended.  I know we were together in my dream for at least 2.5 hours, cause when I looked at the clock in my dream it was after 8:30 in the evening and I was thinking it was late to be going to your house.  When I woke from the dream it had been 3.5 hours that I was sleeping.   

     You know what -----,  you can think I am crazy, but I don't think these are dreams.  I sort of think she is communicating with me.  I know she is dead in my dreams.  We talk as if she is gone.  She always is happy and at peace.  We always tell each other we love each other and miss each other.  She is comforting me by letting me see she is ok and happy. 

     Tears are rolling down my face as I type this because it is hard to talk to her and then I miss her even more again.  But it is so nice to talk to her.  I had to tell you this."

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

It did not feel like a dream, even though I was sleeping.  I use the word "dream" when I explained it to a friend, but it felt real, and consistent with my mother's behavior when she was alive, but had some unexpected revelations.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    My mother and I were talking.  My girlfriend and I talked.  My father and I also briefly talked (he too is dead.  I know I was talking in my dream because others in the dream thought I was talking to myself.  Perhaps I did not actually "hear" my mother because others in my dream could not hear or see her, but we had a logical conversation and she said things that were surprising to me.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  I know what was said.  I cannot definitively say I auditorially "heard" it or whether it was more telepathic.  I spoke to her.  She communicated back in words but I can't say I heard it with my ears.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           I don't know how to respond to this question.  It was all very familiar, but I can't say I "heard" it.  It was a conversation though, and her words were familiar but she said some things I wouldn't have thought on my own.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.  Definitely not.  My husband was away on the hunt.  No one else present in the home at the time.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

We were sitting side by side on a couch for a while.  We were "cuddling".  I remember holding hands, leaning against her, having my hand on her lap.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Familiar, but intense because I knew she was dead, that this was temporary and that we had to take advantage of the time we had together to be close, because it only happens infrequently. In life, I was not always that physically affectionate, but she loved to get a hug.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Love, peace

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No, I was alone.

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

Very much like her age at death, but happier and no pain.  I did notice that one of her fingers looked odd, could see two bones, no skin, but it was not frightening to me or painful to her.  This had nothing similar in life.  It was an inconsequential observation in my "dream".

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       Yes, she appeared to be the age when she died.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Appeared to be her age at death, but perhaps a bit more at her usual healthy weight that when she passed away. She certainly did not have a pained expression.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        I was asleep for 3.5 hours.  In my "dream" we were together for 2.5 hours.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         It was gradual.  She was not the first person in my dream.  My girlfriend was.  I can't remember the ending, but it was gentle.  There wasn't a specific goodbye.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Calm, peaceful, content.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  I asked her if she had seen Dad (he died in 1980 at the age of 50).  She said yes.  She showed me a picture of him, but then I also briefly talked to him too.  He inexpertly said it was weird to see her as she was so much older.  I thought it was rude and very unlike him and unlike what I thought "Heaven" would be like.  She gave me the impression that although they had spoken and knew each other were around, they were not together all the time.  I thought this would upset my mother as they were very close and happy together in life, but it did not.  She was ok with seeing him, and carrying on.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I wish I could put this in words better and in a more convincing way, but it was real, it was her.  It was different than a dream.  I FELT her presence.  It came unexpectedly.  It was the third time.  I have never had this experience with anyone else (i.e. my father).  She always looked out for me in life and knows I struggle with her loss and the details of her illness and treatment and she loves me enough to do what she must do to continue to communicate with me despite our great divide and tell me she is at peace.  I would not have previously believed anyone who told me such a story.  I would have politely listened and been incredibly skeptical about the conclusions they drew from their dream.  But I believe it now.  It was an interactive communication with responses from her that I do not come from my consciousness or previously held thoughts or beliefs.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Only in the sense that I was asleep, but it did not feel like a dream.  I think that because I went back to sleep after a full night's sleep, I was in some kind of altered state of consciousness where she could communicate with me.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Calm, interested, happy+++

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

All three of my communications with my mother since her death have been fairly similar.  It is in my "sleep".  The overwhelming theme is that she is ok and happy and not to worry about her.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Seeing her, talking to her, knowing she was ok.  Sad after it was over.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I have been dealing with a great deal of anger towards her physician.  I had been contemplating taking him to the College of Physicians and Surgeons regarding his practice.  I am less likely to do so now.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   No       As this is the third time it has happened since her death, there were no changes as I had, with the previous dreams, already begun to believe that after death communication was possible.  Not under my control, but under the right conditions, and possibly under my mother's control, possible.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     That she loves me enough still to go through whatever efforts she must to make contact with me.  That no matter what suffering and injustice she went through at the end of her life, it doesn't matter anymore.  That she still worries about me and wants me to be ok.  That there is a way, although it is not common, that the deceased can communicate with their loved ones.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Happy to have seen her and spoken with her.  Thankful for her comfort, for making sure I was ok, by telling me she is ok.  Sad afterwards because I missed her even more when it was over.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

I knew it was a long time (in my dream it was from 6 to 8:30pm).  I knew my girlfriend was waiting for me and I was being rude by not going over to her house as we had planned, but I didn't really care as I wanted to spend as much time with my mother as I could

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

After my mother's death in May of 2008, I was cleaning out her house in September which is the month of my birth.  In her cutlery drawer were two numbered candles, a 4 and a 3 which together is 43 (my age that birthday).  It is like she was wishing me a happy birthday.  She had not been able to get those candles before her death as she was so ill and dependent on me for transportation.

  Also there was a kitchen towel I had never seen before which said "farm fresh eggs"  Which was weird because shortly after her death my husband and I had purchased 21 laying hens for our farm.  I know that could be coincidence, but it felt like signs from her, acknowledging what was going on in my life.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes

My girlfriend who is still alive, my father who is deceased and some other male person who was sitting on the couch with us, who neither my mother, girlfriend or I knew or really acknowledged.

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Just my girlfriend and her husband and a couple of girlfriends at work.  My girlfriend is supportive and in agreement with the possibility.  Spouse and another nurse more skeptical.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       It was different from a dream.  I knew it was real.  It was not a bunch of nonsense all weird and not making any sense.  We talked.  We both knew she was not alive.  I remembered it fully.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes