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Sapna S's ADC

Experience description:  

My youngest sister Sonali was a bright and beautiful lecturer with an immense love for teaching. She was living in a small town near Goa. She was ten years younger to me and was close to me to an extent that there was hardly anything that we did not know about each other. We were dependent mentally and emotionally on each other.

On the 16th of April 2014, she was suddenly taken ill and deteriorated rapidly and was admitted in the ICU. My mother had travelled to see her. All the time she kept on telling my mother to call me up so that she could speak to me.

'I will get well only if Didi [elder sister] treats me. Please tell her to give me medicines.' She told repeatedly to my mother.

Unfortunately, the phone lines were down and I could not talk to her. When I could connect, I could not talk because of the doctors rounds and then providence ensured that I could never speak to her again. I lost my dearest sister on the morning of 20th April 2014.

I was besides myself with grief. I had never imagined in my wildest dream that she would pass away. How could she just leave me and go away, I kept on asking her. How could she possibly take such a decision without informing me?

The whole night I grieved while arrangements were being made for her funeral the next day. Since I stayed in a remote part of India, it was not possible for me to attend it. Besides I had become too ill to travel.

I got up early on the morning of 21st. It was 5.30 a.m. I was sitting on a chair while tears flowed out from my eyes.

'Bordi!'[eldest sister in Bengali]I heard my sister call.

Probably a figment of my imagination, I thought while I continued sitting on the chair.

'Bordi!' I heard her again accompanied by voices.

Curiously, I peeked inside my bedroom when I saw her and my father holding hands standing. She was looking thinner and healthier and her face shone with an unearthly joy. She was wearing a dress she loved while she was alive. My father looked in his thirties and handsome with joy on his face too.

My sister was telling my father, 'Bordi is crying so much! We are so happy and Bordi is crying so much.'

I watched stunned and the next moment I could see them no more.

I have managed to control my grief over a period of two years. Whenever I feel drowned in grief, I remember her joy lit face and tell myself that if I really love her, I should be happy in her happiness. I also try to make use of my remaining time on this earth to the best of my capability. I tell her that she should wait for me till I come there and not take birth again. I want to see her face one last time and tell her that I was privileged to have had a sister like her.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard and saw my sister while she spoke clearly, 'Bordi is crying so much. We are so happy and Bordi is crying so much.'

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?      it originated externally as it was spoken by my sister

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           it was exactly similar to her voice when she was alive

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

she appeared thinner, healthier and full of joy as compared to when she was alive

How clearly did the deceased appear?            somewhat transparent

How much of the deceased did you see?       two thirds of her body from her head

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       she looked at least five years younger

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            she appeared healthy and thin. She was obese when alive.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        3-4 seconds

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         End was sudden. I missed out the beginning

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes   She was full of joy.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  She was telling that they were very happy.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I saw and heard my sister talking

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I only watched stunned. I wish I had spoken to her at that time.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I always tried to derive solace from the fact that she was very happy in whatever realm she was. I told myself that all of us would eventually go there and that I should utilize whatever time I have on this earth to the most of my capability. She has left the playing field and gone home for rest. We are still playing. These thoughts help me cope.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Seeing them in front of me was the best part. The fact that I could not speak to them was the worst part.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:            I now want to use every moment of my life in a way that makes me realize my calling of serving the blind. I also want to progress fast in my field of interests like study of occult, auras, control of mind, etc.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No       Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes            wherever we go from here, that realm heals us and gives us joy.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?     No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I continued to grieve

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?  No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared it with my family members who obviously believe me. They derive solace from the fact that my sister and father are happy.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?       No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    No