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Experience description:  

My husband and I were devastated at having had to put Bean to sleep.  I had watched him for the week before his death and stayed up almost every night comforting him - he was suffering and having great difficulty breathing.  I needed the time with him to figure out if putting him to sleep was the answer and it became apparent that it was.  On the night that we decided to call his vet - I told Bean that I would help to be free of pain and I was sorry that there weren't more solutions.  We couldn't put him to sleep right away and had him put in an oxygen chamber at the vets office.  He was kept content for several hours and I sat at home crying - waiting for my husband to get out of work to join me at the vets.  It was horrible.   

At the vets, I was so exhausted from grief that when the time finally came and Bean had passed - I actually felt relief (I was surprised by this).  I was holding Bean and felt his body weight lighten (it was really odd).  My husband was crying - but I felt oddly calm and peaceful (which still makes me feel guilty - because this cat was like my child).  That night I went to sleep very peacefully.  Several hours after falling asleep - my other cat woke me up suddenly (which he often did during the night) by jumping on my chest.  I suddenly woke up and said "Benj what are you doing?"  To my shock - I saw Beans face (as clear as day) looking back at me with the look he always gave me when he wanted to know if it was okay.  We shared a silent stare for only a few seconds and he was gone - replaced by Benj (my other cat) face and body.  I immediately thought I must of have hallucinated/dreamt this because of grief and dismissed it.  Then I left the bedroom and went to the living room to try and go back to sleep on the couch.  I had just fallen back to sleep in the living room - when Benj jumped on me again - I opened my eyes and saw Bean again - same stare and once again - it only lasted a few seconds and then he faded and became Benj's face.  This time I realized this was more than a dream - I was convinced that I saw Bean.  I would like to think he came back to see if I was okay - or if it was okay for him to leave.  I hope this story offers peace to others - it certainly made me a believer and I was the world's biggest skeptic.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar - but it was my other cats body.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  no

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  maybe

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

I saw him as clear as day - every detail of his face - not faded, but clear and real.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            very - it was very convincing.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       his face.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       he looked as he always had

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He wasn't breathing heavy - he looked like he did just prior to being ill.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           Maybe if it was just once - but twice - I think what I saw was real.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Both times only for a few seconds.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         gradual - like fading out.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Uncertain

This is what I am most confused by - I am not sure if he was scared and needed to know it was okay or if he wanted to let me know that he was still present and needed to do it twice because I was a skeptic or if he was visiting my other cat and that cat got spooked and jumped on me while Bean was visiting him.  I would like to think he was thanking me for helping him and saying goodbye one last time.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           The clarity of his face and the fact that I wasn't grieving when I went to sleep - I was simply sleeping from exhaustion.  Also, it happened twice the same night.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           shock and at first disbelief - but the second time just shock.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I always wondered if there was life after death - I was a skeptic - although I had a prior experience after my father died (1995) - but that was a lot less convincing - so I dismissed it - although I always wondered and hoped.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best - that he chose me.  Worst - that I wasn't more present in the experience - I was in shock.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No           

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     I feel more certain in life after death.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I firmly believe that there is an afterlife.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Deep sadness from missing him and wanting him to visit again (which never happened) and combined with joy (what a gift he gave me - it still makes me laugh).

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Only a couple of close friends and they were pleased with this information - they know me and I am not a person to exaggerate or lie.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes  

When my father died - many years prior - something unusual happened, but I am still unsure of if it was a coincidence or not.  In the week after he died - I was sitting in my livingroom - crying with grief.  I remember thinking "Oh God - please let there be something else.  I don't want to never see him again.  Please, please, please let there be something else."  I had the worst headache from crying and lack of sleep, etc. and had all the lights out and the tv off.  Just then the tv switched on by itself (the remote was no where near me) and the channels started to rapidly change and stopped on the show "Unsolved Mysteries" and there was the host Robert Stack talking about the possibility of life after death.  I was immediately comforted by this.  Although, I live in an old building and have had electrical issues that affected my tv - so I am not sure.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    none