Sean M's ADC

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Experience description:  

In February, 1992, one of my older brothers committed suicide.  Although he left a note, it explained very little and really didn't give any hints that would indicate why he felt taking his life was the only option he had.

After a week off, I returned to work.  At the time, I was a dispatcher at a small bush airline and usually worked alone.  My first day back was going smoothly when I suddenly started feeling very, very tired.  Nobody was in the office at the time, so I went into the pilot's lounge to sit down for a couple of minutes and have a coffee.  As soon as I hit the chair, I closed my eyes and found myself in a very different place.

I was sitting in a chair in a completely white room.  In the room was the chair I was sitting on and a totally white desk that almost blended in with the walls.  I vividly remember thinking that if it weren't for the shadows cast, that the desk would've been all but invisible against the walls.  In any case, sitting on the corner of this desk was my brother.  He was smiling pleasantly at me and had his hands folded in his lap.  He stared at me for several seconds and then asked 'I bet you want to know why I did it?'.  I answered 'Yes', and he opened his mouth to start speaking.  However, at that instant a customer came into the office and I heard the bell above the door ring.  My eyes opened to the sight of the pilot's lounge.

After I had taken care of my customer, I went back to the lounge and tried to get back to the white room.  I've never been able to get there again.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           Strangely alert.  The switch from the lounge to the white room felt almost instantaneous.  Consciousness?  Well, I felt totally awake, but I did close my eyes when I sat down, so who can say for sure.

Was the experience dream like in any way?   It certainly wasn't like any dream I've had before or since.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            During the experience I felt happy to see my brother but a little unnerved at the sudden change of surroundings.  After the event, I felt angry that I had been so close to an answer only to have it snatched away from me.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           None that I can recall

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?            Uncertain

I suppose some could say that the white room had spiritual and religious significance, but to me it was just a strange white room with a matching white desk.

Did you see a light?           No

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No, Just my brother

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Uncertain

I suppose that hearing the bell above the door triggered a response in me that I had to tend to my customer.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       No effect at all

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

I told members of my family shortly after it happened. They were receptive to the possibility that my brother had tried to talk to me, but I don't believe that it affected or influenced them much or at all.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Anger

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was seeing my brother, the worst was not hearing his message.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Not at this time.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes