On 11/29/01 at 3 am I found my "healthy" 49 year old husband in cardiac arrest on my kitchen floor. Of course this was very shocking experience to come upon, but exceptionally difficult for me as I am an R.N. with many years of emergency nursing experience and having revived so many patients in my career, being able to do nothing for the person I loved the most added a whole other level of emotions beyond intense grief. 

I have always had a very strong belief in the afterlife for which my husband was fully aware of, but he never really voiced his to me, and for whatever reason I developed this intense concern for him and had to know that he was ok and to let him know I would be ok. 

Almost immediately I had several experiences of his or another spiritual beings presence which the first was the intense smell of Jasmine while coming upon my husband's still sweaty workout clothes while I was in my basement. I knew if I were to receive spiritual communication smell would play a role as I am an aromatherapy practitioner which my husband found very entertaining. 

I can't even begin to describe the roller coaster emotions I felt the first month following my husband's death, and anger and guilt towards myself topped the list which had much to do with the of effectiveness of my nursing skills not being able to save my husband. I was called by the medical examiner who was informed by the paramedic report that I was a nurse and attempted CPR who told me my husband has such a major coronary occlusion, that only God could have saved him. Even hearing these words would not relinquish my guilt. 

About a month into my loss and being exhausted beyond words and not being able to sleep for long during the night, I felt drowsy in the afternoon and decided to attempt to take a nap. I headed up to bed with my two golden retrievers who were aside from me the light of my husband's life, and we all jumped up on the bed and the dogs settled in at my feet. I quickly felt myself falling asleep, but I then found myself or an aspect of myself with the dogs standing in our backyard which was in clear daylight all looking up at the sky. I can remember saying to my husband please show me where you live now. No sooner did these words come out I was flying upwards and looked back and the dogs were behind me. We entered this misty wooded area not unlike places I have seen and a path was ahead of us and I could see and smell salt water in the distance. Although this mist clouded the features of my husband, I saw him further up the path walking toward us. The dogs who were with him when he died rushed towards him in a very excited state and I watched them all interact and then they all walked toward me.  

As my husband cane nearer, I still could not see his features clearly but sensed youth. Very casually I said to him, so this is where you live now and he smiled back. We walked together on the path toward the water, and we came upon a home very similar to ours over looking a harbor filled with boats. There were people strolling around but nobody I knew. I then asked my husband if he had a job in the place, and he responded with a look like this would be hard for him to explain to me and replied "sort of". After hearing his reply I felt a sense of I had to leave now. 

Immediately having that feeling of needing to leave I began to wake up, but felt as if I was thrown onto the bed from the sky and as I felt myself actually bounce I opened my eye and witnessed the dogs had bounced too and both were wide awake with a startled look on their face. It took me several minutes to get used to my surroundings and assimilate what had just happened. I soon began to understand what happened was no typical dream, and truly believe that I was granted this opportunity so that I could relinquish my guilt which was gone. 

I certainly felt much relief which led me to complete in time the remainder of the grief process that I had to go through and be at peace with my husband's sudden death. But, I would not realize until two years later that having this experience which enabled me to regain my emotional and physical strength and find hope and purpose again in life would actually save my life when I received a cancer diagnosis at that time. Although I certainly experienced fears and emotional distress at times, beneath it all I knew I would be ok because I had my husband who was now my angel looking out for me. Even my doctor who told me directly following my surgery that I must have had an angel on my shoulder as my cancer was caught at the earliest stage he had ever seen of this cancer and had no doubt I received a full cure. 

I felt the need to relay my story today because yesterday I sent another angel to heaven, the other great love of my life my father. Had I not had the experiences with my husband's death, this death experience would have been painful for me beyond words. Yes I am sad over this loss, but I know my mother and all those many individuals in spirit who loved my father dearly especially my husband welcomed him to his new home with great love. 

Many people ask me how I was able to go on with all my losses which in addition to my husband there were many other family members I lost in the last 8 years as well as a life threatening illness, and I tell them that with each loss I received a gain of a more compassionate heart which has enabled me help ease the emotional suffering hearts of the patients in my care because I know first hand what suffering is all about and my purpose is to extend comfort as it was extended to me.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  Heard a voice outside of me

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           The same voice as the deceased

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

I was embraced but the embrace was not quite the physical touch sensation

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   My touch experience as best I can describe it was of a light nature

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Only feelings of love, no words

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

The facial characteristics were somewhat obscured

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            I sensed a solidness but not typical earthly solidness

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Whole body

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       My husband appeared to be around the age we married at which was 34

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            My husband's appearance was of strength. My husband died suddenly and non traumatically so even in death he only appeared as if he were sleeping to me.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           My husband loved the ocean and the smell of salt water was very evident to me

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     My husband at I spend a great deal of time around salt water bodies of water, and salt water was a regular smell for both of us

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   The communication was that I knew my husband dwelled by the water

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        No

How long did the experience last?        I am not sure as I did not look at the clock but suspect several minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The experience began suddenly and ended abruptly

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

My husband was a very peaceful person in life and had the same emotion in my experience

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  When in this experience I asked my husband if he had a job, he responded as best he thought I could understand by relaying the words "sort of " which let me know he had purpose where is was

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           The memory of my experience is as vivid and detailed today as it was when it occurred 8 years ago, and actually the memory recall of this far supersede most of my life experience memories which are bits and pieces of events.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

My dreams usually make no sense, a mish mash of unrelated things.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I was very calm, happy, and felt sort of like when I would reunite with my husband following taking a trip with friends

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

My healing process began directly after this experience

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      I consider myself extremely blessed to have had this experience, but I still do miss my husband's physical presence in my life very much and knowing he is there but cannot interact with me physically is still difficult

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I no longer sweat the small stuff             

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I have been given too much evidence of the afterlife to ever doubt it exists

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes    

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   Yes

Not sure if this would be considered a contract, but a month or so prior to my husband's death we happened to be home together and I turned on the TV and happened upon the John Edward's show. My husband was the very practical one, and I very much into anything and everything spiritual so he said oh boy here's one of your shows and laughed. He then said to me that if he died, that I should never expect him to communicate with me "through a fruit like this guy". About six months after my husband's death John Edwards was in town and a friend invited me to go. During the entire show all I could do was laugh as I knew my husband was there laughing too at me paying $50 bucks of my hard earned money to see this guy who he most certainly would never communicate to me through.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            It was the feeling of WOW if that makes any sense

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Yes

My dogs which will be described in the narrative

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Only when I was traveling up to the experience location

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

I have come to believe that birth and death are processes and not events that were move in an out of

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

I am a far more intuitive nurse than I was prior, and can often diagnose what is wrong with a patient more quickly than I could prior

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

Yes, but more evident was the sensation on return

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?        Yes

I saw people including children but no one I knew

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        
Yes     It seems that those who need to hear my story are led to me and this gives them comfort

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No response 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

I have had many spiritual experiences but the one that remains which was very frightening for me was when I was falling asleep a number of years ago where I was in bed but saw myself very briefly walking out my bedroom door.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes