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Susan's ADCs

Experience description:  

After having arranged the funeral earlier that day, I went to bed that night. I woke up with a very distinct feeling of two arms hugging me.  Although awake I felt very calm and peaceful.  (I live alone so there was no one in the house beside me).  I put it down to hallucination owing to the trauma and grief I had experienced, tried to ignore it and went back to sleep.

A few weeks later the same thing happened again. I woke up in the night and felt two arms around me, hugging me.  I again felt very calm and peaceful.  This time, although I did not look around I decided to ask who it was.

I said almost instinctively, "Keith is that you?"  A quiet but clear voice came from right behind me and into my ear.  It replied, "Yes, it's me!"  I immediately recognised it as the voice belonging to my husband.  I didn't answer him and feeling a little taken aback, I decided to take myself off to sleep again, which I did.

A few weeks after this it happened a third time.  One afternoon after returning from work I felt compelled to go to bed in the afternoon (something I don't normally do during the day. I went to sleep and woke up some time later but in a very relaxed and dreamy state.  I remember looking round towards the window and saw my late husband's outline (silhouette) approach the bed.  I turned round and put my head on the pillow and I felt two arms come around me.  He started to talk to me from behind and I answered back but I can't remember what he said on this occasion.  Soon after I went back to sleep again. 

When I finally got up I felt a great sense of calm which lasted for several hours. I knew this wouldn't last and I would be back to my normal grieving self some time later.

This was the third and last experience to date involving my late husband.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?     Uncertain   I initially thought it was hallucination, and I am still not sure what to make of the experiences.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   Yes   

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     A voice came from behind my head and into my left ear.  It said in answer to my question, "Yes it's me!"  

Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?   The voice was experience as an external voice which came from just behind me. It was like a loud whisper but was the voice of my husband. 

If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     It was my husband's voice.     

Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No one else was in the house.  There is no TV or radio in the bedroom and I live on my own.  

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   Yes  

Describe where and how you were touched:     I was hugged from behind.  I felt two arms around me, but I did not turn round.

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Familiar  

Was anything communicated by the touch?   I felt calm and peaceful and a little drowsy.  I felt I was being comforted.

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No.

Did you see the deceased?   Yes    It was an outline, a silhouette.

How clearly did the deceased appear?   Solid

How much of the deceased did you see?    I did not see any features.  But I recognised the silhouette as the outline of my late husband.

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   I cannot say.

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?    My husband suffered from a mental illness prior to his death.  He was very thin before he died, but I cannot give you sufficient information about the appearance of his apparition as only his outline/silhouette was apparent.

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?    No, I was alone in the house.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?    No                

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?   Uncertain     I could not say for sure, only that there was a sense of urgency in his voice perhaps.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?   I cannot remember what he said to me when I had my last experience.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?    Experience was probably real    I am a sceptic and try to look for natural explanations.  Therefore I can be hard to convince.  I am still not sure what to make of it, but the phenomena seemed very real at the time.

Was the experience dream like in any way?    Yes    I was awake but feeling very relaxed.  I can describe it as 'dreamy' but I was not asleep or dreaming in the normal sense.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?    Uncertain    My grief returned the next day, but I can't say whether or not I was helped in the long term.  Probably not.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    After hearing my husband's voice on the second occasion, I took myself off to sleep.  Despite my feeling calm I must have become a little nervous.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?    No        

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?    No   

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?    Uncertain    I had already had previous 'contact' experiences from 'deceased' relatives ever since I was a young teenager.  But these had taken place in vivid dreams and not in a waking or relaxed state of mind.  These experiences have given me an open mind about the possibility of life after death, but I tend to be critical of my own experiences, so there will always be scepticism in me.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   No

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?    No   

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?       No   

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?        No   

Did you become aware of future events?           No   

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes    I had received 'communications' from departed loved ones shortly after their deaths.  This was from my early teenage years but these took place in dreams while I was properly asleep.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    No   

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?    No   

Did you see a light?    No   

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?   Yes    On the third occasion I 'awoke' into a lucid dream, to see my husband sitting on an armchair asleep in a strange place.  I went back to sleep, woke up again and had the experience described but in a relaxed dreamy state of mind.

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    I shared my experience with two friends.  They were quite accommodation and seemed open minded about my experience.  One had had experiences herself.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?    Yes    I can't remember the name of the website.

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?    I would love to know the answer about whether or not we live on after we die, but my attitude is that we will probably never know for sure while we are on this earth.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    No    I took no substances prior to the experience,  no alcohol or drugs were involved.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   No   

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      Uncertain    I have had lucid dreams but I can't say whether or not they are paranormal in origin.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes    I have tried to give as accurate an account as I can.