As I said, I was still pretty much in shock and still feeling like I had an open wound. I was somewhat fearful for Vinnie's soul as I am a Catholic and even though I would have told you suicides do not go to hell, once it was my beloved child I had to examine the truth or falsehood of such a stance. I know from extensive study and hindsight that my son had been deeply troubled for a long time. He had a rocky relationship with his wife and he was very intelligent. He managed to keep his unexplained sadness to himself and that is why he became so distant. (He also 'beamed' me a couple weeks after he died and let me know some of these things). I was told that exercise and journaling and prayer and communications with people who have suffered a similar loss would help me to recover faster. I needed to begin recovery because I was in danger of joining him out of sheer helpless despair. It isn't an option since I have two other daughters, a daughter in law, two grandchildren and a husband, all of which makes my recovery vital to theirs. 

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience:  I was walking in Cherokee park, as I do several times a week. I was still in shock and suffering extreme pain. As I was walking, I was thinking to myself that I didn't know how I was going to get through the rest of my life without my son, and I was crying and silently screaming, when I suddenly heard his voice from within my chest, like from my heart, and he said "Hey Mom", and the inflection of his voice and his gentle tone was so identical, and I thought to myself, "Oh dear, now I am thinking in his voice". I looked up, and there was his last name, carved on the side a huge old oak tree, with a heart under it. His last name is not common, and it had been carved into this tree many, many years ago, but it made me feel immediately reassured that he was ok and I didn't need to worry because he isn't gone, just changed.

Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience:     Severe sadness and/or grief feelings

Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience:         Fully alert

After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience:       Wonderful

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes     Several

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  I clearly heard his voice coming from within myself. There was no doubt it was his voice.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Exactly like his living voice.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Seconds only

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         It seemed to come very suddenly and then it winked out, kind of like a blossom that just disappears.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

I got the impression that he was sympathetic but also he seemed to find some humor in my silent drama, which would be just like him!

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           The reality of all those separate little things coming together at just that moment to create this picture seems impossible to have happened by coincidence.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I went from total despair and sadness to a sense of peace and well being within a fraction of a second. It gave me an emotional lift which lasted nearly a week before my grieving was able to punch through.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I still am grieving the loss of my son from this level of existence and the pain is still very raw and very real, but when it gets very bad, I can visualize this experience and it still brings me much peace. Also, I still walk at the park several times a week and when I get to that old oak, I place my hand on his name or on the heart and close my eyes and think of him.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best was hearing his voice, and recognizing the endearing way he addressed me, knowing that inflection of his voice from childhood. The worst was knowing the body I gave birth to is no longer attached and that I have no idea how long I must wait to see him again.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No      

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes     It confirmed for me that we do go on in some way and that we recognize our loved ones and remember each other.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Yes

I tell all my loved ones that I will be contact for always and that I will love them always and unconditionally.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          N0 response
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Peace and a sense of well being, excitement and joy.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

The carving is still there and the family members I told were quite comforted by this.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     I shared with everyone interested and everyone stated that they felt reassured and comforted by this. One friend said she felt goose bumps and it was told to her.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

I experienced an out of body during a motorcycle accident in 1978, two years before Vincent's birth. I saw my body laying in the street and I felt the extreme peace and joy associated with out of body experiences. At the time I was unaware that others also had this happen during trauma and or death.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes