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Tracey's ADC

Experience description:  

My father died on Christmas Eve after a 4 year battle with cancer. I immediately got preoccupied with wanting some kind of sign from him to know that he was still with us.  I would walk around my house looking for something / anything to verify that he was OK.  I saw the odd incidence of synchronicity but nothing that was definitive in my mind.  

Every day I would drive home from work and imagine he was in the passenger seat of my car.  That is where he would sit when I took him to hospital visits etc.  I would sometimes talk to him as if he was seated there, and I would pretend to squeeze his hand in the car.  I held his hand so much when he was sick, both in my car and in the hospital.  

This morning I was feeling very stressed because I had a small argument with my daughter and I was rushed for work. On top of this I have been fighting with the kids' father (my ex husband) a lot and I am nervous that we have to go to more mediation.  I was not thinking about my dad at all at the moment, which is likely a first since he passed.   

I sat down in the car to drive my kids to school and head to work.  The car was still parked in the driveway. I did up my seat belt and put in the keys. My son was buckled in the passenger seat talking to me,  and my daughter was on the driveway going into the back door and the seat directly behind me.  Her hands were full with her backpack and boots etc.   I was feeling down and tense when suddenly my father's exact hand size / shape / feel squeezed my left shoulder twice.  I turned thinking it must have been my daughter but she was not within reach and her hands were full.  The feeling remained on my shoulder as if he was resting his hand there as a gesture of comfort.  I could feel exactly where the fingers were and the shape of the hand.  The thumb was at the front so it definitely could not have been my daughter -- she was behind me.  I kept saying to my kids in an excited voice "did you just squeeze my shoulder???!!!" and they thought I was crazy.  No one was there.   

When I got them to school I was already convinced it was my dad but I got my daughter to squeeze my shoulder in the same place.  She is only 9 and her hand was far too small. The feeling and strength was totally different.  There is no way it was her. 

The children left and the feeling of his hand on my shoulder remained (although softer, without the squeezing sensation) while I drove 30 minutes to work.  I could feel it for an additional hour or so once I started working.  By this point it was just like a soft comforting hold on my shoulder. It faded away.  It gave me a sense of total peace and I was giddy as the day wore on. 

Interestingly enough it has been 20 days since he died. The sun came out after for the very first time since the day he died. It was an incredibly sunny and beautiful day. 

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

I felt a  full size man's hand grip or squeeze my left shoulder.  It squeezed twice as if to say "it's OK" and then the hand feeling remained there more lightly, like a parent comforting a child but without the squeeze.  I could feel the size / shape / warmth "imprint" of the hand on my shoulder for about two hours afterward.  I could have traced the outline and the finger positioning if needed, it was so clear like it was still lightly touching my shoulder as a gesture of comfort.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   It was exactly the size and feel / strength of my father's grip.  I held his hand frequently while he was in the hospital dying.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  I immediately felt comforted, although there was no sense of "words".  As the hours passed I felt elated and giddy.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  I have racked my brain.  No.

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

It felt like he was calm and peaceful, very relaxed.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:          It was very real.  It was a definite physical sensation.  There was no physical person or thing causing it in the "real world".  The only other explanation would be a weird muscle or nerve thing???  But the shape and sensation were unparalleled.  Exactly like my dad.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           complete surprise, joy and excitement. I immediately went into "skeptic" mode but could not find any possible explanation. The sensation lasted and I was just over the moon with happiness.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I had been wanting a sign so badly.  Now I feel reassured.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The feeling of connection was wonderful.  Having it fade away was the worst.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Uncertain                  Describe:            I sense I will be more peaceful.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I just felt that life was not worth getting so stressed about.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            No      

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I was thrilled and wanted more.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

My children saw me react but they did not experience the event first hand.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            Yes  It continued as I drove to work and for the first hour or so of work.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Everyone I told said that they believed me, and that I should believe it was my father.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No  

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes