First I saw this light. The light was brighter then the sunlight. But it don't hurts in my eyes!

Then I heard a voice. First unclear and like whispering then it become louder an clear. I now realized that this was the voice of my father.

He was saying my name and my nickname. (Vanessa and Nessy)

I searched him but couldn't see anything. Then the light became a white hole and an arm was reaching after me. An arm with a watch on it like my father wore one (a cheaper version of a Rolex. The arm had blonde hairs like my father had and the long nail on the little finger. (He used to scratch his nose.)

Then he said: Vanessa...Nessy...Nein...NEIN...schau hier...dort...NEIN...

(In Englisch: Vanessa...Nessy...No...NO...look here...NO...)

When he said the words ''look here'' I saw a letter. A letter like the one I wrote him after gis death. I gave him the letter into his grave on the funeral day.

In this letter I wrote only one question: Are you angry with me, or even disappointed in me?

Was this experience difficult to express in words?            Yes

It was so awesome that I couldn't find words for it to describe!

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    he said: Vanessa...Nessy...Nein...NEIN...schau hier...dort...NEIN...

(In English: Vanessa...Nessy...No...NO...look here...NO...)

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  It seem to come from the opposite of me. Like when I talk to someone else.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           It was similar!

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           After the experience when I woke up, I looked around. It was dark outside and my son and my fianc were sleeping!

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   NR

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

It was like a kiss on my cheeks!

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   familiar

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  No.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  Maybe the cold air in our room.

Did you see the deceased?         Uncertain

I just saw HIS arm. I'm to 100% sure that it was my fathers arm. Because the arm looks like his and it was like the one I know for 21 years!

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            It was light transparent but clear enough!

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Just the arm!

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       The age he had! 46 years.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He seemed to be health. Not thin like he was on the last time I saw him in the hospital. His wrist was thin like an girls arm and my father was heavy weight befor his disease!

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?           His perfume 'Tabac' he used all the time!

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     Familiar

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   No

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        No. My fianc use Adidas or Axe.

How long did the experience last?        I don't remember but for me it was to short!

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

He was friendly and courteous. Slightly teasingly!

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  I think I received an answer of my question in my letter to him. And it was helpfull!

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I slept but it wasn't a dream. It was to different for a dream. And this is why I believe it was a comunication and it was real!

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I felt good. Be loved and understand. Happy. Home!

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Because i felt guilty about my father because I had ONE secret I never told him.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best was, that I know he is there.

The worst, that it was one time and I wish there where more of this moments!

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:            Often I walk through my apartment and I talk to my father and when something moved without having air around it I say: HI DAD! 

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No       Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes     For afterlife. I want to know more about it!

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Yes

All the time we watched paranormal shows like 'Ghosthunters' I said to him, that when he die, he can visit my home and can try to communicate in any way with me he want to. But one thing: he should not break some glass or other fragile things just to show he is there!

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Light confused but now happy about it!

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain

Had something like Dj-┤Vu!

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           Yes

A light, brighter then the sunlight but it don't hurt in my eyes!

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            Yes

In a location without space or time!

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     First my fianc, but I just told him about the arm and that my father called my name. He is pleased for me but he don't believe in communication after death!

Then I told my aunt. She was so excited and was happy that I become an answer and asked me if I would to more contact to my father.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Of all the questions I can give a clear answer! 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Maybe you can have one in German because like I, my English is not the best one. But I hope you can understand it!