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Wanda E ADC

Experience description:  

I need to give some background: Shortly after my husband died my business partner (who I had known for over 30 years) did several things which, without going into detail, were very hurtful and showed how selfish and uncaring he was. The partnership split up about 8 months after my husband's death because of this. During all of this time, both before the breakup of the partnership and after I opened up my own office, I felt my husband's presence wherever I went. It was the only thing that comforted and sustained me. I felt that he was with me, guiding me through this ordeal. 

As it got closer to the one year anniversary of my husband's death, I began to have flashbacks to his last weeks in the hospital. It was very upsetting and intense. I still felt that he was with me, that he was there but in the  background. 

One evening, about a week or two before the dreaded first anniversary, as I was thinking about him and crying in the shower, I saw my husband standing in front of me. It was like he was really there, dripping wet in the shower. I sensed that he was stroking my hair. I tried to put my arms around him, but there was was only empty space. And then I heard his voice, coming from somewhere just outside the shower. He said, "goodbye, sweet", and he was gone.  

I never felt his presence again. I told a close friend about this experience, and she said she believed that he had stayed around until he knew I was alright. Then he had to go.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard his voice distinctly, saying goodbye to me.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  The voice was external.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           It was exactly his voice.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           Absolutely not.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Uncertain

I felt that he was stroking my hair, but I am not sure if this was real. (The voice was definitely real.)

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   unsure

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  I felt love and tenderness

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  no

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He was younger, with almost no evidence of the cancer that took his life.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            He appeared solid, but when I went to hold him nothing was there.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I saw all of him - as though he were really with me in the shower.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       He appeared younger, but not that much younger.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He appeared almost healthy. I say "almost" because leukemia causes significant swelling of the lymph nodes, and before he died many of these nodes, especially in his neck and under his arms, were huge. On this evening I only saw one small swollen node under one of his arms - like he was reverting to a healthy state but hadn't quite gotten there yet.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        About a minute or two.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The beginning, when I first saw him, was gradual, and seemed to evolve as I was crying and thinking about him. The end of the experience was sudden - once he said goodbye he was gone.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

I felt tenderness and love.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Even if what I saw was in my imagination, his voice was definitely not imagined. His voice was exactly the same as it always was. His voice did not come from where I saw him - it came from within the room but outside the shower. I am positive it was real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I felt comforted, and I knew that he loved me.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I came closer to accepting the fact that he was really gone.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was feeling his presence, seeing him, hearing his voice. The worst part was that I knew it was a final goodbye.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Uncertain       

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
   Yes     As above

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I am now open to the possibility of an afterlife (I hope there is one).

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt like I had lost him all over again. But it also gave me hope that, when I die, I will see him again.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     I have shared this with a few close friends. I also shared it with the bereavement group I was attending at the time. I think that everyone I told believed the experience was real. The insight of the friend who said my husband stayed around until he knew I was alright, rang true.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Yes. This was his only "goodbye". He was taken by ambulance to intensive care about three weeks before he died, unable to breathe on his own. They inserted a breathing tube and had him on a respirator, totally sedated. He was still sedated the night he died, so even though I was with him, we never got to say goodbye.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes