Some of this may just come out as random things - I'll do my best to organize it.

CLOCK:  When I was cleaning out mom's apartment one day I commented to my cousin that there was not a clock any where in the house - we had moved out most everything and the phone had been disconnected.  I was concerned because I had to be home at a certain time.  My cousin left and I was finishing up a few things.  I walked by the spare bedroom and heard a clock ticking very loudly.  I went in the room and there was a clock that had definitely been in the room before but I could have sworn it wasn't running or ticking prior to that.  I still don't know if it was ticking before that or if it just got louder or what, but I had been in and out of that room a thousand times and never noticed it before. It would have been just like mom to point out the clock so I wouldn't be late for my son's baseball game that day!! This clock has become the primary object associated with my experiences.  It runs on a single AA battery.

The clock continued to run - I brought it home in July.  I put it where it was out of the way but I could check on it.  I was very curious to see when it would stop.  I was pregnant when mom died and of course I was upset that she would never see her first granddaughter.  I wanted to take the clock to the hospital with me to see if anything happened. I did not take it but I have since noticed that the clock/date on my camera stopped working between the first picture ever taken of my daughter minutes after she was born and the second picture we took.  The date is on the first picture but not the second (you cannot accidentally turn it off, you have to stick a pen or something into a hole and manually change it.  It could not have been bumped.  I gave my husband an interrogation, he did not touch the date thing between  pictures, "why would he?"  The picture is interesting too - the baby is all lit up but the surroundings are dark.  The next picture is completely normal, lit up in a bright hospital room.  I had to fix the date later once I realized it had mysteriously been turned off. I think mom was letting me know she was there.

Anyway, back to the clock.  It ran until sometime around this past Thanksgiving.  I'm not sure exactly when it stopped but sometime in November 2002 it stopped at 8:25 (big hand on the 5 - little hand on the 8) - my mom died 5/8.  It crossed my mind that that was odd - but dismissed it.  **I'll get back to a few other odd things that happened around Thanksgiving later** 

We put up our Christmas tree 12/15/02 - it was horrible. Probably the saddest night of my life.  I had some of mom's Christmas stuff and was going through everything - sad.  That night before I went to sleep I asked mom to please come to me in another dream (yes I've had several very interesting dreams also).  I was crying and very upset.  I wanted and needed her badly.  The next morning I woke up, no dream.  Before my husband left to do some shopping I showed him the clock.  I said, "look Hon, the clock finally stopped at 8:25."  I'm not sure why I decided to show him then because it had been stopped for a while, but I did and he saw that it was stopped.

About 1/2 hour later I put my 20 month old son down for a nap.  He had been up there for a while just talking and talking for a long time (its common for him to talk and "read" his books for a while before he goes to sleep) but this was a long time.  I went to the bottom of the stairs to check on him and I heard him say  "Grandma..funny"  and he started cracking up laughing.  I started getting that tingly feeling I had the day mom died and something told me to come check the clock, I did and it was ticking again!! 

I stood here in my kitchen looking at the clock crying.  I felt her move through me again.  She was here to comfort me again, I know it.  The time never changed but that clock ticked (the second hand moved 1/2 second forward 1/2 second back until Jan. 2, 2003.  I think she was letting me know she was here with me through the holidays.  It started ticking again on 01/04/03 and is still ticking but the time is not changing - I'm waiting to see what if anything else happens with that. **There was a broken clock that chimed right after my Grandfather died - it was a "sign" that the family has talked about over the years.

BALLOONS:  The day before my mom died she asked me to release a balloon at Griggs Reservoir on her birthday every year as a way for me and my oldest son to remember etc. Her birthday was July 10th.  My two sons and I  took balloons to Griggs on her birthday in 2002.  I had a balloon for every member of my immediate family - me, my husband, son #1, son # 2 and my unborn daughter.  We wrote messages on them and released them.  The  pink balloon was from my, at the time, unborn daughter.  That balloon got stuck in a tree and was not released.  It bothered me and my oldest son that that balloon got stuck.   I explained to him that maybe it was because she was not born yet and that we should go back after she was born.  We did go back in October with my daughter and re-release a pink balloon.  That was the second time I felt that tingly feeling.  I knew she was there letting me know that she knew about the baby.  For some reason after that balloon got stuck I would always look for pink balloons when I drove by Griggs.  I thought about going to the cemetery to see if I could see a pink balloon - at the time I was desperately seeking and looking for signs (it was before a lot of this stuff happened) Of course, I never saw one when I was looking.

A few months ago (date unknown) - my oldest son (very close to my mother) was having a horrible day.  He was in trouble at school and in big trouble with me and he knew it when he was walking home from his friends house.  I was waiting for him; I was mad and he was crying because he was upset and knew he was in trouble.  He walked into the house carrying a pink  balloon.  "Guess what I found on the way home mom"  He found it stuck in a tree on the way home.  ????

One other weird thing with a balloon, a balloon that I had specifically put somewhere in our house so that it wouldn't blow all over the place (it had been in the same spot for a week) traveled up the stairs into my youngest sons room after a rough overnight visit with relatives at Thanksgiving( he had a horrible time) We came home and didn't realize it but the balloon was in his room, he never took a nap that day.  He stayed up there for two hours happy and talking.  For a while after that he would point to that balloon and say Grandma.  I asked him where Grandma was and he said "air" and moved his hands around in the air.  He has also wanted me to rock him and sing "you are my sunshine" to him since then.  I've never rocked him because my wonderful mother got my oldest so used to being rocked and sung to (usually, "You are my sunshine") that he wouldn't go to sleep by himself.  So this one has never been rocked to sleep, by me anyway.

Also, once when we were driving by Griggs (the special river place) the youngest son (1 at the time) started waving. I said "who are you waving to"  he said "Grandma"  I got the chills when he said it.  That was right after she died. 

Some of these things with the little one are a little iffy just because he is so little but enough things have happened with him that it makes me wonder. Just a few thoughts on this - a week before she died we visited her in the hospital and brought her a balloon.  The youngest loved it, she kept insisting that he keep the balloon.  I left it with her to cheer her up.  But she really wanted him to have it.  He was and is too young to remember her but he recognizes her in pictures.

DREAMS: 

I have had several dreams.  I'm starting to forget some of the details and timing etc but I will do my best.

The first dream was soon after my mom died.  We were sitting in a cafeteria talking.  I just kept saying "I can't believe I'm talking to you."  She said something along the lines of " I told you I would always be here."  Other than the fact that she had died and we were talking - it seemed very normal.  We were just "chatting" at a table, no one else was around. She was very much like she was before she died, but before she got real sick.  Same age, weight, appearance etc. - just not sick yet.

I've had a few more but I can't remember the order.

Soon after my daughter was born - I was sitting on the  couch with my daughter and she smiled for one of the first times. I was thinking how much I wished mom could see her etc.  Just as I thought that, a toy lawnmower of my sons started making its noises (nobody else was home). I dreamt that me and mom were talking about my daughter.  She was asking me if it was getting easier to take care of the two little ones, etc.  Again, we were just talking. I can't remember where we were.  Most of them have been in pretty generic type places like a cafeteria, a hospital room, a living room, a  hotel room. I think I may have had one where we were sitting on a church pew.  Again, she was the same as before she died only healthy.

I had one where we were sitting in a hospital room talking about the nursing staff. (again she was the same as before she died).  **one of the things she really wanted to do before she died was write a note to a certain nurse who she loved - she never got to do it .  I almost felt like she was trying to get me to do it for her.

I had one where she and I were sitting on a hotel bed talking about??? My oldest son walked in and we started talking about being in Hawaii.  We looked out the window and it was all gloomy and like a cloudy gross day and the beach was muddy and there were old leafless trees everywhere.  My son complained about how crappy this part of Hawaii was.  My mom started explaining how it's important to make the most of the circumstances you have.  This was the only place we could afford etc., but we should make the best of it.  My mom and my son were very close, he is always negative and thinks everything "sucks" - maybe this was meant for him?

All of those had a lot in common we were in a generic type place, we were always sitting around talking.  I was aware in each that she had died, she looked like she did before she got really sick.  They all seemed to have a message that was appropriate for the time I had them.

This one is very similar to the others but slightly different.  When I had this dream (it was the last one I had) I was upset because my littlest son was doing really cute barnyard animal sounds and I wanted her to be able to see him.  I had a dream that she was laying on an old couch that we had in a living room (not sure where?) and I was sitting on a coffee table with my son on my lap and he was doing his sounds for her.  She looked like she did when I was a kid, maybe 20 years ago, but she said she was tired.  She was younger but seemed run down; I knew she had died. 

My son started choking and gagging and my mom kept asking him if he was ok.  All of a sudden, my son was very dirty - like dirt on his face - and that was the end.  I woke up crying and happy.  I really felt like I had talked to her and she saw my son - but the end of the dream really bothered me and still does a little.  I was  talking to my husband about it - he had a little brother that looked a lot like our son.  His brother choked to death on a hot dog when he was not much older than our son - my husband says his brother was the dirtiest kid he ever saw - he loved playing in the dirt etc.  I wonder if there is a connection.

I also dreamt that mom saw my new kitchen curtains I made - long story about the curtains but mom would have been proud. I wanted her to see them.  I feel like she did.

I really feel like she has gotten through to me in my dreams.  I'm scared the dreams will stop as I have not had one in a while.

I also had one about my Aunt (moms sister) who died 6-7 years ago.  We (the whole family) were in an auditorium watching a family video and she was walking along the side making grunting noises trying to get our attention - later when I asked her daughter about it in the dream she said "Oh I know she is always trying to get our attention."

Other "weird things":

Toys in this house start playing, talking etc. when no one is around - pretty frequently.

Several months after mom died I kept complaining about my glasses - they were loose and kept falling off etc.  My son was always pulling at them.  I complained about it everyday. I kept saying I need to go get these things fixed etc.  I probably bitched and complained about it on a daily basis for at least a month.  I was just busy and too lazy to go get it taken care of.  I woke up one morning and put my glasses on, they were tightened up and fit perfect.  I called my husband at work to see if he had fixed them.  He doesn't wear glasses and lets just say he is not the type to do anything unless he is specifically asked to do it. I doubted he had but I figured it was the only explanation - he swears he did not touch my glasses, - no one else could have done it?

The day after mom died our phone was so staticy that we had to go out and buy a new one because I could not hear to make arrangements etc.  The new phone was just as bad. I had to make phone calls somewhere else.  A few days later it was fine.

Just yesterday the light in my youngest son's room turned off by itself.

This seems to be an on-going thing. It seems these things happen when I miss her or need her the most - it really picked up over the holidays.  I've been saying all along that the holidays would be hard, she was fine last Christmas and now she's gone.  It seems to me that she senses when I need her.  I'm still about half skeptical.  I think some of this could be coincidence but not all of it. 

Background Information:

Date of experience:          

On-going

Length of time between death of deceased and your experience:         

2 hours between her death and my first experience

Was the date of the experience significant in any way?     Most but not all of my "experiences" have happened at a significant time or place

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience: 

I've had them many places.  I've had dreams while sleeping. I've had things happen here at my home - in the kitchen, in the living room, in my son's room.  I had an experience in my mom's apartment while I was cleaning it out after she died.  I've had an experience at a river that had special meaning to her and my son.  I feel that she is or can be  with me  any time any place.

Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience:    

Moderately severe sadness and/or grief feelings

Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience:         Fully alert

After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience:      

Wonderful

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes     More than I can count. Many on-going experiences since my mother passed away 05-08-02.

Your religious background at the time of experience:          

Uncertain

            Further comments:           

I am not and never have been a "religious" person.  I try to be spiritual and have a little faith that there is something beyond this life - but up until recently I've been pretty doubtful and skeptical.  Kind of undecided and uncertain most of my life.

Your religious background currently: 

Uncertain

            Further comments:           

This experience has certainly given me more faith that there is something beyond this life - but I still feel uncertain.  I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm crazy and none of this is real - it's almost funny.  I "test" my mom to make sure or see if its real or wishful thinking.  I think she knows it and keeps trying to prove it to me!!  She was never "religious"  But very peaceful and spiritual.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? 

Yes

Its hard for me to get it all down because there have been so many things.  I'll do my best - I may need to do it in shifts - I've got 2 little kids that could wake up any minute!

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           

Yes

One time soon after she died I think it may have been a dream - I'm honestly not sure.  Its the only time I've ever been scared by any of this. I was asleep in a recliner and I felt her grab my hand - it scared me. I was trying to wake my husband but couldn't talk.  At the time it seemed that she was trying to pull me with her by the hand - but if it was her I'm sure she was trying to hold my hand or comfort me.  It may have been a dream???

       Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? 

It could not have been another person - but it may have been a dream.

How long did the experience last?       

When I've "felt her" its been brief - less than a minute.  But events are on-going

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

The three times I've actually felt her (that tingly feeling) its been brief and like a gradual departing

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          

Yes

She is trying to comfort me - I think it would be a hug if she were alive

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         

So many things have happened that should prove to me that this is real " I can almost hear my mother saying  "for heavens sake Wendy, there is only so much i can do"  But part of my still wonders if I'm just imagining it or reading to much into nothing???

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

N0 comment

I've had dreams where I think she is trying to communicate - but I've also had experiences where I'm wide awake.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

The three times I've felt her presence strongly - I've been missing her and then I feel sad but comforted.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

Yes

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

Its very comforting to me - it makes me miss her a little less.  The worst - I'm scared she'll stop.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?        

Yes

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?           

Yes, It makes me doubt a lot less.  I think I have more faith now.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?       

Uncertain

She said she would try to get through or send a sign - but we never agreed on anything.  Interesting though that the balloons (her last request was to release balloons on her b-day) and a clock (its happened in our family before) are involved.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         

Yes

The clock definitely stops and starts and can be seen by other people.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           

Happy, sad,  "wow did that just happen"

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          

Uncertain

This is getting difficult to answer questions because I've had so many things happen.  There are things such as a clock that stops and starts at very interesting/significant times - my whole family has witnessed that.  There are other things such as dreams and feelings that only I have experienced.

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?        

No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?          

No