Experience description 2770:

My father's death was upsetting, even if my sister and I thought that it would be best for him, and the hospice nurse agreed he was on borrowed time.  He was one of those who defied medical reason, had 9 lives, was losing or had lost those capacities that would make him happy and proud.   He had coded 3 times in 2017, and skirted death many times thereafter.  As a nurse specialized in emergency department and critical care transport, I assure you that he defied much medical reason.  It reminded me of the movie Final Destination, and his periodic attitudes reminded my sister of the knight in Monty Python 'Tis but a scratch.' 

We had done most that we could to ensure a lovely end of life for him.  I'd modified my career to be on hand always for emergencies.  We'd played it in our minds how to pan things out in case of, and I'd spent a year living with him part time recently.  He and we had one wish - that he die at home.  It was clear to me when I had rushed to hospital middle of the night that THIS time he was nearing death.  It was the first time that I saw him mostly accepting and at peace being in a hospital.   He neither tried to negotiate or use his MD authority on staff.   What was most upsetting, was that I'd left him to rest to rejoin my puppy I'd left at his house prior to the visit.  I'd also spent most of the next day preparing for hospice stuff to be moved from the assisted living he'd spent a few weeks at to his bedroom at home.  Less than half an hour before his expected arrival, I received call from hospital that he had died. 'What the f-!' I'd replied. 

Also unnerving was that it was taking a long time to transfer his body from the hospital morgue to the funeral parlor.  We finally heard that his body had been transferred. I would not think of that detail until later.

I was not entirely comfortable sleeping in his bed.   My sister had gone to sleep before me in the other room.  I fell asleep, my 10 month old puppy was sleeping mid foot of the bed.  Both I and my dog were woken by a violent single bang type noise to the right of the bed .  It sounded as if a a small but significant sized piece of concrete had fallen directly to the ground from the ceiling.  It was so scary, I had a brief instant of not wanting to look.  Meanwhile, my dog was startled to her feet, barking, and obviously scared/ nervous.  She kept barking and edging toward the side of the bed to peer to the ground.  I looked, there was nothing there.   There was significant light from the tv I'd left on to see.  I stayed on the bed, was leaving off to check under the bed, I checked above and around. Nothing and no explanation.   It took awhile for my dog to settle down again.

I interpreted possible anger?  It was not a good experience.  Especially - one of the things my sister my sister had said then, and since, is she felt upset that she didn't feel the same way that she'd felt after our step parents had died, or when our sister had died.  It was as if there was a void. Complete nothingness.   I agreed and still agree.  I've even felt mourning anger about it.  Neither one of us particularly felt or believed our prior deceased loved ones were present or around.. but it is true the complete void or absence of sensation was remarkable following our dad's death. 

Oddly, when the event occurred, my sister didn't wake.  If it had not been the witnessed aspect and subsequent behavior ion my puppy, I would have not believed

I told my sister about it the next day.  She believed me. She said 'he may have been reenacting his fall!'   The beginning of the true end of his life had begin less than 6 months earlier, when he had fallen bedside to (ironically) pick up a button he saw, so he wouldn't slip on it the next day.  He'd broken his hip, and spent many hours alone on the ground attempting to get up to retrieve his phone.  He'd inevitably succeeded in pulling at the bedcovers until the phone fell off the bed onto the ground next to him.  He called 911. 

I don't know.  I do hope it was not an expression of anger.    Just as before, ever since, it feels void-like.  Of anyone in the family I would have believed would attempt to show presence if such possibilities exist, it would be my father.  He was of deep faith, and he also had a fun, take advantage of every learning and new experience character.   He was also very applied and loving as a father.

Sorry, though.  The event occurred period. It scared my dog.  I don't know why it had occurred, but there was ZERO within the immediate and surrounding realm to provide physical explanation.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   violent bang on ground within 1-2 feet of my body

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     externally

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     N/A - if my sister's explanation would be the case, possibly since my father was obese at time of fall

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   nope, absolutely not

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   nope

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      abrupt and short lived aside from the time it took for my dog and me to calm down

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Uncertain

if it was linked to any anger, he certainly succeeded in expressing it audibly. If not, no mood

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  no

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   dog as witness

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  terrified

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? No

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          both best and worst - that it happened to me, but not my sister also

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No     

Experience description 2771:

An absolutely mundane afternoon.   My sons were in their room, opposite end of apartment. I was seated or laying on the couch of the living room.  Nothing to note or recall about the day.  Although, recalling this is causing me to recall how much I miss that apartment.  I had lived in France for 19 years already.  Life was good, I was a single mother for 10 years. I had left a career in multinational corporation management to pursue nursing, was three years into my studies.  I was not studying when this occurred.   Suddenly, the television at opposite end of the room turned on but without images, and the lights that were on in the home turned off.   I also don't recall how long the TV and lights had changed before returning to normal.  It was a clear afternoon or evening.  I may have heard my sons call out temporarily about their own light.  I rose from the couch to check the TV.  All plugs were fine.  I thought, 'weird.'  20 minutes later, my mother called me from California to announce that my step father had died.  

It was expected.  He was in home hospice for 5 years, with so many times doctors would estimate 3-6 months to live.  He was provided excellent round the clock care.  We had visited weeks or a month prior.   One one afternoon, I went to sit next to my step father bedside.  To fill time, I began to tell him about my first memories of him in my life.  How impressed I was that he'd offered such expensive gifts to my mom, how I had felt my mom had met someone who would take care of her or protect her.  Et cetera. When I was done chatting cheerfully about it, something I'd never shared with him (we didn't have that type of relationship), he said 'so that is my story?'  

A little later, or another conversation during that visit, I was seated bedside and he asked me to tell someone to leave the room.  I asked him what he meant. He gestured to the very large room's corner near the tall windows, saying there was a man there.   I looked over my left shoulder to check, more as reflex, because obviously, there was no one there.  He wasn't febrile nor particularly end of life. 

I then borrowed from something my sister had once said to me 10 years prior to respond to the weird statements he'd made. 

(to explain, while I was pregnant with my first born, I woke and saw very clearly a Native American appearing man shaking out a blanket to cover me. I had screamed it was so scary.  It was so scary, I told my sister about it, saying I understand it's the hormones and a dream, but it was so real, I still felt shaken up by it days later.  She had replied 'hmmm.. well, was the guy threatening?'  I said 'no, he was actually meditative and protective.'  I recalled how that question made me feel reassured and the jitteriness I'd felt for days went away).

So, to my step father's statement, I replied by asking whether the man was scary or mean, or if he was nice (I don't recall which words I used).  My step dad replied that he was nice, he had brown hair and wore glasses.  'But I am not ready.'  he said.

Back to the weird electrical day, and the announcement of my step father's death.. After hanging up with my mom, I went to my sons' room to tell them.  Immediately, they both replied nearly at the same time in the manner kids can speak very simply, 'It was grandpa!' (mentioning the brief light switch moment less than half hour prior.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      it was very brief, but longer than a few seconds.  I had the time to be off the couch to approach the TV before the TV shut off again, and the lights went back on.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       sudden.  On and off.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          No

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  no.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   It was witnessed. There were zero electrical issues in my home, and the tv would have gone to a channel. The few lights that were on and had turned off were all plugged in different outlets. The weather was perfect, no storm.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  confused, not associating it at all to anyone or anything.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? No

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          that my sons were witnesses to confirm    
           
What emotions did you feel during the experience?          convinced that it WAS him, in a brief instant saying goodbye.  For a brief moment in time, felt accepting, blasé, like in my sons' attitudes.  It was that, period.  Did not feel special.  Did to think anyone would believe me, but it did not matter.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          Yes

my two sons, who were aged 10 and 12 at the time.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      No Response

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes    I do not think that they believed me, or they did but there was not any strong reaction other than 'how weird.. maybe'

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   no

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes 

when I was very sick as a kid, I recall seeing myself below me, then as if moving to the room next to mine and seeing my mother sleeping below me,  as if an outer body experience?  I don't know if that was a true out of body experience.  I had a high fever and was sleeping/ dreaming.  I just recall telling my mom about it the next morning.   I'm not one to trend to the outer body/spiritual stuff. I cannot even meditate :). I'd often been described as the pragmatic one in my family.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       no questions, but prefer names are kept confidential. You can use my first name as described at beginning of this questionnaire by your information and instructions