Experience description:
My late sister’s husband began dating a woman several months after my sister’s untimely death. We had many mutual friends. Two such friends hosted a party and my brother in law was there with his new partner. I met her and was very cordial, however, it was awkward. I felt like all eyes were on us. My husband saw this, and gestured from across the room that we should leave. Interestingly, as we approached the home, I told him I didn’t want to go to the party. I told him I had changed my mind. He said we should go anyway, which surprised me because he is usually sensitive to my concerns. As we exited the home, he apologized for making me go. He understood how awkward it was.
When we arrived home , we thanked his parents for putting the kiddos to bed. We went into our bedroom and saw that we had to make the bed. We had washed the sheets and had purchased new pillows at Costco earlier that day.
Emotionally I was exhausted. I fell into the freshly made bed with the new pillows in clean pillowcases. I felt like I was in a deep darkness. I told my sister I was sorry that I had betrayed her by talking to her husband’s new partner. I told her I would never dishonor her and go to her grave again.
The next morning I woke up holding a guardian angel pin between my thumb and pointer finger. It was attached to my pillow.
In the early morning light, and feeling the rough edges I thought it might be a piece of metal. My husband is a plumber and I thought it might be a piece of sauter from welding. I asked him what it was doing in our bed, then upon inspection, I realized it was my son’s little guardian angel pin. I jumped out of bed and went to the bureau drawer to look in the little box I kept the pin in.(The pin was a gift from his Communion Teacher. I had him wear it as a tie tack on this first communion day.Then I put it in the box for safekeeping.) the pin was not in the box! My husband said, “Oh no….i know what you are thinking! The kids were playing in the bed with the pin.”
I said that was nonsensical ….and I asked my son if he knew where the pin was. He stated he had not seen the pin since his First Communion Day when he wore it on his tie. His Communion was several days before my sister found out she was gravely ill. And she had left the Communion service because she felt weak. She was actually my son’s Godmother.
The experience changed my grief significantly. I felt my grief shift and I was certain people would be receptive when I told them. They were not, however . Some suggested that I walked in my sleep and retrieved the pin from the box in the bureau drawer. They said I had attached it to this new pillow. They felt my overwhelming sadness had prompted me to do this.
I became reluctant to share my experience.
As I have aged, I believe it is an experience that when shared, could bring a measure of comfort to someone grieving or suffering loss.
Was this experience difficult to express in words? No
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? No
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? No
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Yes
I was not touched however I believe my sister attached the guardian angel pin to my pillow to send me a message.
Did you see the deceased? No
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No
How long did the experience last? Well, it was a physical experience in that my sister physically moved the guardian angel pin from the bureau to my bed.
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? Again, the experience has had lasting effects for me.
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? No
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? This doesn't apply except her actions spoke to me and told me she was ok, and not mad at me. I felt free to go to her grave to see her.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: The pin was in a secure place for safekeeping. The guardian angel pin represented a significantly holy event for my son, his First Holy Communion. My sister, Robin , was his Godmother. I prayed and fell asleep in deep sorrow. I believe she brought the guardian angel to my bed, attached to the pillow, to bring me peace and comfort. My grief for her death, shifted significantly. Of course I miss her, however, I am happy in the knowledge that she is well and in Heaven.
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: I felt joy that my sister was healed and happy in Heaven. I was happy to know she still was with us. She was compassionate in life, and I thought to myself that I should have known that she would never leave us alone in grief.
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes
The experience and the residual effects of it was life changing for me. I think of it often in times of trouble. I reflect on the many lessons I learned while accompanying her on her journey during her last year of life. She was strong and accepting and grateful
What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best part of my experience was knowing that my beloved sister knows peace now. Her suffering is over. And I hope to see her again. And I hope she greets other loved ones as they pass away.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Describe: Yes! I have increased my curiosity and exploration of a spiritual path. I practice meditation and kripalu yoga. I also enjoy a fellowship of service in my local Catholic Church. I believe there is an interconnecting energy between us all. Love thy neighbor as thyself is a guiding principle for me.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes The experience reinforced a quiet knowing I always had about a spiritual life.
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes I know that in some capacity we are still connected to our loved ones who have passed on. I know the deceased enjoy eternal rest.
Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Joy, comfort, and a strengthening of Faith.
Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? Yes
Yes, my husband was in bed next to me. He and my children didn’t think much of my experience.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain
One evening I had a dream about her. She was thanking me for helping her. She then broke out in song in the most beautiful angelic voice. I woke up abruptly, and I felt like I was looking at everything around me through a white veil. I felt that if I left my bed I would see her. It frightened me and I burrowed my head into my sleeping husband's back
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No
Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? No
Did you see a light? No
Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? No
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes Some people feel it was just me walking in my sleep. I do have one friend who I shared it with confidently.
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No
Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? I wonder why I had such a significant experience that changed the nature of my grief, when so many suffer without any signs of comfort.
Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes
I think when I was little I had out of body experiences that stopped at age 10. When I meditate I do feel a physical sensation. I have also had dreams, that in retrospect might have been premonitions.
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. Not at this time. All I will say is that some of the questions did not apply to my experience.