Bill H was legally my stepfather but from age 11 until he passed, he was always "Daddy". My birth father had convinced me that I was the stupidest and ugliest

person who had ever been born. When my birth parents divorced my mother was granted custody, but our father came to us, and telling us that our mother had been killed in an accident, took my brother and me. For four years, we moved constantly to make it difficult for our mother to find us and fight for custody. There was one period two years after he had taken us, we began having monthly visitation with my mother and her husband, Bill. We came to know our mother again but more importantly I began to trust Bill H and felt safe with him.

Two years later at the age of 11, through some miracle, our birth father returned us to our mother and Bill Howard. I always tell people that I was a Daddy's girl

looking for her Daddy and that he was a Daddy looking for his Daddy's girl. Even though Bill had two daughters from his first marriage, but I grew closer to him than his birth children.

In 1970, my mother and Bill divorced, and he moved to Las Vegas, NV.  In February 1971; Bill came to California and told me he was lonely in Las Vegas, and he wanted me to move there. He drove me back and for the next 17 years we always lived near one another and whenever we had health issues we took care of each other.

In 1987, I left Las Vegas and moved to Arizona to go to work at a Hotel and Casino and so that I would be halfway between my dad and my mom who had retired to Lake Havasu City, AZ. For the next three years, my dad and I communicated nearly every day via telephone. He called me at least once a day but often it was two or three times.

In June of 1990, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I went to Las Vegas immediately and organized packing up his apartment and moving Daddy in with my family and me. There was never any question about who he was going home with and who was going to take care of him. For the final three months of his life, I was able to see my dad every day. My husband, Tom would take care of my dad during the day while I worked, and he would conduct his own business after I got home from work.

We always entered the house from the backdoor and there was a pass-through door from the laundry room through the bathroom to the bedroom where my dad was staying. As soon as I walked in, I went to his bedroom, and I would sit on the bed and chat with him for a few minutes before going into my room to get out of my work clothes and get comfortable. I had pleaded with my dad to move in with us, but he had always refused so I was feeling blessed to have this time with him.  Little did I realize how important this proved to be for him. As he grew closer to his passing, he told me that the fact that I always stopped into his room as soon as I came home made him feel wonderful.

Four days prior to his passing, unable to control the pain with morphine, the hospice team and I decided to sedate him as well as maintain the morphine drip. My dad's major source of entertainment had been the tv and he usually had it on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. For whatever reason, my husband, Tom decided to turn off the tv in my dad's room. Suddenly around 2 am, I sat bolt upright in my bed, certain that something was wrong with my dad. We ran to his room and found him standing at the foot of the bed, hanging onto the tv that he had turned on. His eyeballs were rolled back in his head and all you could see were the whites of his eyes. Frantically, I called hospice and told them what was happening before my husband, and I were able to maneuver him into bed. From that point on, my dad began to moan every few minutes. Hospice assured me that he wasn't in any pain and was just vocalizing. From this point on, for the next three days, my husband and I began taking turns sitting with my dad so that he was never alone.

On Tuesday morning, Tom advised me that he had a couple of errands to run, and he left the house. Unknown to me, he had left the house to notify hospice and my mother that he was sure that my dad would pass that day. When hospice arrived, the nurse suggested that I take a shower as there were going to be a lot of people coming and going in the hours ahead. So, for 45 minutes I stood in the shower and cried my eyes out. For the next ten hours, my dad vocalized every few moments and we waited. There was a change in nurses and the newly arrived nurse, sat my dad straighter up in bed and placed me where he could see me and advised me to tell him that it was okay to go.

I advised him that he had taught me how to love, live and now how to die with dignity so it was time for him to go. Only moments before he passed, his eyes came into focus for the first time in four days, his eyeballs lowered and looked straight at me, and he smiled and took his last breath. I asked the nurse if she had seen it and she assured me that she had and that he had known that I was here.

About two weeks later, I was sound asleep when I was awakened by being hugged really tight. I peeked at my alarm clock and noted that it was 3:05 am. In the morning, I asked Tom if he had hugged me in the middle of the night and he asked, "What time was that?" Tom then told me that he had awakened at a few minutes past 3 and had seen my dad standing at the foot our bed and smiling at us. Tom was really rattled and when I asked him why; he responded, "Because he is dead!"

Three months later, I began having visits in my sleep from my dad. He would call me on the phone which was how we had communicated for the three years prior to his death. On the first call, he told me not to worry about him because he was happier where he was than he had ever been on earth. He also advised me that he had my Llasha Apso, Lance with him and would take care of him until I arrived.

The second phone call was about 3 weeks later. This time my dad advised me that his best friend, Norman was with him. When my dad was diagnosed as terminal, my first fleeting thought was, "Who was going to take care of Norman?" Norman was my dad's best friend and my dad had been taking care of him for the past four or five years. Norman always sent me a Christmas card every year and immediately I had the feeling that I had not received a card from him in the previous December. I called Norman's telephone number to find it disconnected. I then called a friend of both my dad and Norman named John who then notified me that Norman had passed on December 15th.

My third and final visit again by phone, my dad advised me that he had a job to do and wouldn't be able to call anymore but he would be waiting with Lance when I arrived.

For 12 years, I never had another visit from my dad. Then at the age of 50, I had to have a hysterectomy and there was a strong suspicion that I might have cancer. I hadn't been in a hospital since I was 4 years old for a tonsillectomy and to say I was frightened would be an understatement. I had been referred to a specialist, a gynecological oncologist who advised me that he would also be doing a colonoscopy and check my bladder too. So, the day before I was due for surgery, I was prepping for the colonoscopy. I was watching ice skating on tv when I whispered, "Daddy, I hope you will be there and not let anything happen to me." I drifted off to sleep and had a vision that my dad appeared before me and placed his hand into my heart and filled me with a warm, sparkling golden light that filled up my heart and then coursed through my entire body as he told me, "Of course, I won't let any harm come to you."

I was so excited when I awakened that I called my mom and told her about it. It was so hard trying to describe how the golden light had felt. I told my husband as soon as he came home.

Many years later, in 2003, my mother called me to advise that she had had a visit from her husband, Floyd who had crawled into bed next to her and spooned her while he filled her with the golden sparkling light. She was so excited because she finally understood what I had meant about the golden light.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   It was like hundreds of phone calls we had had over the years/

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     It felt like a phone call.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     Identical, especially his laugh

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   Absolutely not

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   NO

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         Yes

I was hugged tightly

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? Very familiar. We never met or parted without a hug, kiss and telling each other that we loved one another.

          Was anything communicated by the touch? Mostly there was a sense of being loved until the last visit when it was the warmest love filled with a sparkling warm golden love

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   no

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

He stood next to me and placed his hand into my heart

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            very solid

            How much of the deceased did you see?       from the waist up as he was standing next to my bed.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?           No. He appeared as an adult, but he was younger and healthier

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           I got the distinct feeling that he was in his prime

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      I don't know as the visit came while I was sleeping

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       gradual and very peaceful

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

He was gentle, kind and loving. He was concerned with giving me peace of mind.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  He advised me of Norman's passing.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   My mother had always discussed spiritual and psychic matters to me, and I had been watching John Edward and his opinion that a dream will fade and a visit will stay with you for the rest of your life. This had stayed with me as clearly as the day I had the visit.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Joy at seeing my dad and hearing his laugh. More loved than I have ever felt. Confidence that in spite of the need for a hysterectomy that I would not have cancer. Happiness knowing that my beloved, Lancer would be watched over by my dad.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? No

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Absolute joy of having a little more time with my dad

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No