Experience description:
I
met her in my "dream". It occurred in my bathroom which is in my bedroom. I saw
her, she was dressed in white, wearing clothing like she would have normally
worn but again, it was white, which she never wore while alive. She wore darker
shades. She looked just as she always had. She was sort of translucent and
misty. I embraced her and then we "merged". I became something else, I think I
also became translucent. Essentially, we became 'one'. We went upwards, it was
dark but peaceful. When we merged the euphoria was like nothing of natural
origin. It was like ecstasy. I felt connected to her physically, emotionally,
and sexually. It was everything at once. Better than sex, way better. The
connection and the intimacy. The feeling I felt was that of pulsating, radiating
love. Literally. I didn't want the feeling to stop. I grew spiritually in ways I
wouldn't have known during this experience and shortly afterward, too. I felt
more spiritual 'knowledge' than a monk who had devoted his whole life to
enlightenment. I felt like I had attained more enlightenment than the Buddha.
Upon awakening, I had a word that telepathically came to mind in a way I had
never experienced before. It sort of flashed inside me and I said it out loud:
"porthole." I had seen the word months earlier online and I was curious about
it. I looked it up then but could not recall the definition. I had to look it up
again after the experience. The next few days, I felt great joy but also great
sadness and depression. I felt like I wanted to die because I wanted to feel
that way again. I am not a depressed person and never considered taking my life.
I always feared death. It was intense though and I felt like it may be hard to
live in this world which felt so uncomfortable after feeling what I had in this
experience. Eventually it faded and it is harder for me to recall. I don't feel
like I want to die anymore.
Was this experience difficult
to express in words? Yes
It was nothing of human experience that I
could relate it to.
Did you hear the deceased or hear something
associated with the deceased? No
Did you feel a touch or experience any
physical contact from the deceased?
Uncertain
We merged. I am not sure I felt a human
touch, it is hard to put into words what I felt. It was so much more than
physical.
Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?
no see above
Was anything communicated by the touch?
love and connection/intimacy/ecstasy
Is there any possibility what you felt was
from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your
experience? no
Did you see the deceased?
Yes
clothes like she always wore but she was
dressed in white. She looked like she did while alive.
How clearly did the deceased appear?
somewhat translucent but more solid than
transparent. Foggy, misty but clear form
How much of the deceased did you see?
all
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be
the age at which they died? same age
How healthy did the deceased appear to be?
healthy like she looked before she passed.
Is there any possibility what you saw was
from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your
experience? no
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent,
fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?
No
How long did the experience last?
a few minutes
Was the beginning and end of the experience
gradual or more sudden?
sudden
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the
deceased? Yes
ecstasy, love, we were 'one' our emotions
were linked.
Did the deceased give you information you did
not previously know?
just her love for me on every level. She gave
me the word "porthole" telepathically.
How do you currently view the reality of your
experience? Experience was probably
real
Please explain why you view the reality of
your experience as real or not real:
it was unlike anything I could have imagined. I had never felt anything like
this. It was not of human origin.
Was the experience dream like in any way?
Uncertain
it started out as a dream, but then this
experience happened and it wasn't anything like a dream or human experience.
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions
during the experience: see above
euphoria, love , bliss,
Was there any emotional healing in any way
following the experience? Yes
I felt happy because I connected with her and
like I was given a great gift.
What was the best and worst part of your
experience? waking up. Being with her
in that way.
Has your life changed specifically as a
result of your experience? Yes
Describe:
it's made me stronger and more confident.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the
experience? Yes
belief that ego is the root of our suffering.
Did the experience give you any spiritual
understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?
Yes life after death,
other realms, ecstasy
Death Compacts
are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies
first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact?
No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding
people or events during your experience that could be verified later?
No
What emotions did you feel
during the experience? euphoria,
sadness, depression
Was the experience witnessed or experienced
by others? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or
time? Yes
we went up into space somewhere
Did you have a sense of knowing, special
knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes
that we go on after this life.
Did you become aware of future events?
No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other
special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the
experience? No
Did you experience a separation of your
consciousness from your body? Yes
I felt like I lost my ego
Did you meet or see any other beings other
than the deceased? No
Did you see a light?
No
Did any part of your experience seem to occur
in a place other than the location described above?
No
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes some seemed
supportive; others, skeptical. No, not influenced
Have you shared this experience formally or
informally with any other researcher or web site?
No
Is there anything else you would like to add
regarding your experience? no
Were there any associated medications
or substances with the potential to affect the experience?
No
Following the experience, have you had any
other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part
of the experience? No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death
experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?
No
Did the questions asked and information you
provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes