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Experience description: I heard my mother's voice. I heard it in my head. I had no idea about such things, that something like that could happen, or how it would happen. I cannot replicate in my mind how my mother's voice sounds, though I immediately knew it was my mom's voice. What I mean is, I didn't make this up. I can't sit here today and pretend I can hear my mom's voice in my head. It happened one time. She said:

'Don't be so sad, Toodles, Chrissy is here with me.'

I was stunned. I recall answering her, and then I looked around. I guess I was looking for some evidence of a presence, but nothing was there. I couldn't figure out how or why I heard my mom's voice in my head. I guess I thought it should come from somewhere outside my head. I didn't talk about it until a couple weeks later when I saw my doctor. My doctor and her nurse are always careful to listen to me. They called me in for an appointment the day after my daughter died because the hospital reported that I was in the ER the night before because I couldn't stop sobbing. After 8 hours of sobbing my head was pounding and my husband was beside himself trying to help me. The hospital gave me a shot to calm me down and reported the reason: 'Grief'.

When I told the nurse about my experience she hugged me and said, 'That's how it happens!' I told her I never knew about those things. When I told my doctor she said she got goose bumps. She hugged me, too.

As I reported, my mom died 10 years ago. I never got a communication from her. Occasionally she would be in one of my dreams, though I don't even know if I would consider those to be visitations. My mom and I had a lot of shared interests. I got my love of nature from her. In the first three years after she passed I dearly missed her to the point that I longed for some kind of after death contact but none happened. Eventually life just carried on and I didn't think about that anymore. In 2010 my husband of 41 years died. There was no after death communication, still none today. My dad died in 1987. There was no after death communication but something did happen at the time of death which I will report later. Contact me if you can't find it.

After my daughter died I longed to have some kind of contact. I was devastated. I didn't think I would survive. She and I were best friends. I loved her to the moon and back. I never got a communication from her, and have not to this day. It will be a year this June 1st. I did have a dream about a month after she died. She looked so well, so healthy. I told her that, and then asked why she died, 'Why did you have to die?' She immediately left my dream and I woke up.

I think one reason I was shocked to hear from my mom is that any expectation about hearing from her went away at least 7 years ago. I was grieving the loss of my daughter and suddenly my mom spoke to me. Out of the blue. Unexpected. Not fake, not imagined. I know the exact words she said but every time I repeat them in my head they are in MY voice, not her's.

Thank you for letting me record my experience.

 Was this experience difficult to express in words?     No

 Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?          No

 Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?       Yes

           Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:          I heard my mother's voice, clearly. She said, 'Don't be so sad, Toodles, Chrissy's here with me.'

(Toodles is my nickname that my parents called me. No one else on this earth calls me Toodles)

           Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?          Inside my head

           If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?    EXACTLY my mother's voice when she was alive but before she got very old and sick. It was from earlier years when she spoke with a stronger voice.

           Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No, absolutely not. Nothing, no one with me, no one in the hallway or other areas, no TV or radio, nothing at all, just silence in the whole apartment.

           Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?       No, absolutely not.

 Did you see the deceased?       No

 Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

 How long did the experience last?      The length of time it takes to say the phrase, 'Don't be so sad, Toodles, Chrissy's here with me.'

 Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?      Sudden. My mom spoke the words. That was it. Nothing before or after.

 Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

 Yes, my mother was reassuring me about my daughter.

 Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?          Yes. I assume she was informing me that Chrissy was safe with her (my mother, Chrissy's grandmother). It makes sense to me now, as they shared the same love of nature.

 How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

           Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   It happened, crystal clear. I can't replicate it, can't fake it, can't make it happen again, can't hear my mom's voice in my head no matter how hard I try.

           Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

 Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Stunned, surprised, not expecting something like that, not understanding how it could happen

 Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Uncertain

 Yes and no, because I continued to grieve, but I had that message from my mom. I knew it was real, though I couldn't come up with any scientific explanation, nor was I sure I could find a religious explanation either. It seemed to go against anything I had ever been taught. My husband supports me in my quest for understanding, and he agrees that what happened is real. The only certainty I have is yes, my mom spoke to me, and somehow my daughter is safe with her.

 What was the best and worst part of your experience?     Best, getting news about my daughter.  Worst, not hearing from my daughter

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain                 Describe:     Of the things mentioned above, not really. I continually strive to heal from the loss of my daughter. However, the message from my mom has brought an awareness to me that I can't quite explain but want to learn more about. I don't go to church or mosque. I don't trust organized religion very much.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes    As I mentioned before, I didn't have a religious upbringing, but when I did become a Christian we were taught that a person sleeps until the Resurrection and there was no way they can contact living relative. When I converted to Islam that also seemed an unlikely occurrence. I feel like my mind is open to a quest for knowledge but with caution, so as not to believe any false things.

 Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Uncertain     I would say it gave me more questions, a desire to learn more, a quest for knowledge, and a renewed sense of the spirit world.

 Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?         No

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Mystified, questioning how it could happen inside my head like that

 Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

 Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes

 I felt that my mom gave me special knowledge about my daughter

 Did you become aware of future events?      No

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?  No

 Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

 Did you see a light?        No

 Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

 Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    With my husband, reaction---hugs and wiping away my tears and reaffirming what happened. With my doctor and nurse, reaction---hugs and my nurse said, 'That's how it happens!' With a couple friends, reaction----goose bumps and affirmation.

 Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?       No

  Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? I believe that all people, no matter what religion, will stand before God. I don't believe any one religion can say they are better than another, or that they have exclusive rights to Heaven. That is my personal belief but I don't share it because I think some of my friends would disagree.

 Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?     Yes 

I had a spiritual event leading up to my father's death. My mom and I were sleeping in his room at the hospital where he was dying. I had a vivid dream. I was walking the hallways of the hospital with a spiritual being (I could not see the being but we were talking). We came to a window and looked out. I could see my dad's hospital room window had a bright light leading upward at a 45 degree angle. 'What is that light?' I asked. 'It's the path your father's soul will take when he goes back to God.' the being answered. (NOTE...these may not be the exact words. It might have been soul or spirit. It's been 30 years, but I do have them written down somewhere). Before I went to sleep I told my dad I would be there with him when he died (though he seemed non responsive). Now suddenly a voice in my dream said, 'Wake up! Wake up now!!!' I woke and noticed my dad's breathing was raspy. I got up and went to his bedside. I noticed my mom was fast asleep. As I was leaning over my dad and blotting his face with a tissue and telling him I loved him I suddenly heard a distinct POP and flutter of wings. I felt a presence above me. I was agnostic. I didn't believe in such things. Cautiously, almost fearfully I looked up and saw nothing. When I looked down again my dad was dead. His spirit or soul was gone. I was looking at a dead body. My mom was still sleeping. I woke her up and told her what happened. I couldn't understand how she could sleep through the pop and flutter. At that moment I became religious, however my minister poo-pooed my experience.

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes
Clarification e-mail:

I wanted to clarify a couple things. First, there is a distinct difference between a thought in my head and my mom's spoken voice which happened inside my head. Thoughts are quiet. They are thoughts. My mom's voice was out loud. Not a thought! Though it was audible INSIDE my head, like a phone call with the receiver inside my head. I never had anything like that happen before. I didn't believe in such things.

Which brings up the second thing I wanted to talk about. Wishful thinking. I was not wishing for a spoken communication. I was wishing I could see my daughter again, interact with her, go places with her, as we did in life. I was beating myself up daily over the "what ifs" and why did she die and why couldn't I have seen the signs and gotten her to a doctor. I was not thinking about my mom, nor was I wishing or even hoping to hear from her, because I was taught those things were fake.

Since this astounding communication happened, I think about it almost daily. What an astounding thing my mom was able to accomplish, reaching out to me TEN YEARS after she died! And what an amazing revelation to find out that she and her granddaughter are together! I marvel at it daily. I am so thankful for this gift.

I have not received any other communication and I have not heard from my daughter.