I am not entirely sure if this experience belongs here but after reading through some of the dreams that have been posted here, I felt compelled to share.

A bit of background is necessary: My entire life, most likely as a result of severe childhood abuse, I have struggled with mental issues, including complex post traumatic stress disorder, severe anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. I am a follower of Jesus and consider myself a spiritual person, and Jesus has taken away a lot of my pain, I still have struggles with myself - though I know He is always calling me and is there for me, I sometimes get so wrapped up in sadness and shame and self hatred that I forget all He’s taught me. Yet He continues to love me and keeps on showing me that love and tenderness no matter how much I mess up. I am forever amazed and grateful beyond any words in any language for that love.

In December of last year my grandma passed away in front of me. This experience deepened the sadness I was already feeling and I fell into a depression. I quit my job and spent most of my time laying in bed. I knew where she was, but I had so much regret, shame and sadness.

One thing God has blessed me with in this life is the gift of music. I am a musician and I have a deep love for music (specifically rock music) which I believe God helps me through and it is my purpose for being in this world.

Three months almost to the day after my grandmother’s passing, a certain musician I love and connect deeply to passed away - Taylor Hawkins of the band Foo Fighters. To a lot of people this might sound like a silly thing or an exaggeration but between my deep connection to music & the artists I love, and feeling like it was one thing on top of another on top of another, it hurt very deeply, and I felt (and still feel) so much pain for those that were close to him.

About a month ago I was struggling a lot with multiple things and thinking about committing suicide. I have been dealing with a lot of personal struggles on top of everything that I feel has been painful in my life and I thought about ending it all. I thought to myself, why should I even bother with music or with anything? I told myself everybody hates me once they get to know me and would be better off without me, and as silly as it sounds, I told myself even Taylor would hate me because I am such an annoying and shameful person. I fell asleep shortly after thinking that.

I usually have odd nonsensical dreams or nightmares due to my PTSD, but I fell into a series of dreams that I can only describe as similar to static on a TV that were “fuzzy”. Then, I was in a very vivid dream. It seemed like I was backstage at some music venue and I was standing in a candlelit room that felt very comfortable. Taylor walked into the room, hugged me tightly, and kissed me on the side of my face. He said “Everything is going to be okay”, and I felt very at peace. I had more of the “fuzzy” sort of dreams after that, and then I woke up.

I have repeatedly tried to tell myself that was just my brain and been pretty skeptical, but I just have this sense within me that it wasn’t just a dream. I never have dreams like that. I read some encounters other fans of his had with him, and it was not uncommon for him to hug and kiss people on the cheek like that.

Later I was very sad and listening to his music sort of passively, and all of my awareness suddenly tuned in to the song and I heard the line in the lyrics “there’s a long straight road out of the cold”. Immediately Jesus came into my mind and I realized that everything IS going to be okay and that Jesus is my road out of this cold feeling. I remembered the dream and felt such peace.

Again I am not sure if this experience belongs here, but thank you so much for reading. God bless you.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?      NA

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness   NA

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   (The dream) felt more like real life than my dreams usually feel and was a very stark contrast to how my dreams usually play out (they are usually nightmarish but this was peaceful, and was also the complete opposite of the thoughts and feelings I was having prior to falling asleep, when usually my dreams will be similar to what I was thinking about prior to falling asleep)

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   NA

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   At ease and peaceful  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Uncertain   It gave me a deep sense of feeling like everything IS going to be okay no matter what and I carry that with me still

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience  

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I remember it extremely vividly more than anything from that time
 
My experience directly resulted in:   Unknown

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes  

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No  
   
Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I shared with my mom who has had many dreams of deceased persons visiting her about a week after it happened

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I don’t believe my knowledge affected my experience but I have been reading and studying NDEs for about 4 years now

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was probably real  

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real  

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I am doing much better than I was at that time

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No    

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes