My son took his life on New Years. About 2 months later, an hour or so before dawn, I started seeing rectangular shaped lights, maybe 3' long, start to wink on and off around 10 or so feet away from me. They were colorful, like they were reflected off Christmas tree lights, at first just randomly winking on like they were trying to get my attention.

Then, they winked and stayed on, and started moving around randomly. Then they organized their movements together, zooming around like birds would, in a figure eight pattern through the archway between the living and family rooms, still keeping about 10-12' away from me.

I got up from my chair in the family room where I'd been watching, checked all the windows for a firetruck or police vehicle or other lights, but there were none. I could see the lights from every room and angle, so I yelled for my husband. It was not quite dawn, and he was got up and came check it out. He couldn't see the lights at all, even though they were vivid and clearly visible to me.

By this time they were more concentrated, flying in a twisting figure eight over our coffee table in the living room. My husband walked through where I said they were and moved his arms through them. He said he could feel an electrical energy there. I sat nearby watching and crying, and calling out to my son that it's okay and I love him, then I walked through the lights. They immediately disappeared. Later I realized that the figure eight pattern is also the infinity symbol. I think he was saying good-bye, and that he loves me and we exist forever.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?          Uncertain

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?       No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?       No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      About 15 minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?      I don't know about the beginning, but the ending was sudden. As soon as I made physical contact with the lights, they all disappeared.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

Joyful. Elated. Like he was on the ride of his life.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?          I had asked pretty much every one I know that if they died before me, to let me that they exist after death, and whether we have to be Christians. My son was an agnostic, almost an atheist. I got my answer: we exist forever and we don't need religion.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I am extremely skeptical. I checked for more likely possibilities first, including that I might be having a stroke or a psychotic break. None of those things turned out to be the case. My son loves me so much that he sent those lights to answer my questions, and to make sure that I knew how much he loves me.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Sobbing with happiness. Bittersweet, because I still wanted to be with him more than I wanted to be on earth. But since I can't leave my other son, I felt better about staying, and much less afraid about dying when my natural time comes. Those lights were the greatest gift, and I will give them to my surviving son when I die too.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

I think I finally started to accept the reality that he really isn't coming back.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     Best was I knew my kid loved me so much that he made those lights happen. Worst is that my belief system is trashed.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     I asked 'God' for forgiveness. How 'bout them apples.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes    Big time. Hello afterlife and/or God. Yikes.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    Yep, we exist after physical death forever. Uh, knock me over with a feather.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?         Yes

I did this with my son. This experience was the result.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         I still grieve terribly, and I still wish I could leave. The semi-peace lasted for a week or so, but the experience caused a lot of turmoil, like where is my son, now that I had to consider an afterlife? And I yelled at God big time, and called him a second rate god if he didn't let my son into heaven. Tough time.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          Uncertain

My husband couldn't see the lights, but he touched the air where I said they were and described it having an electrical quality.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        Yes

The whole experience involved lights, pasted below.

My son took his life on New Years. About 2 months later, an hour or so before dawn, I started seeing rectangular shaped lights, maybe 3' long, start to wink on and off around 10 or so feet away from me. They were colorful, like they were reflected off Christmas tree lights, at first just randomly winking on like they were trying to get my attention.

Then, they winked and stayed on, and started moving around randomly. Then they organized their movements together, zooming around like birds would, in a figure eight pattern through the archway between the living and family rooms, still keeping about 10-12' away from me.

I got up from my chair in the family room where I'd been watching, checked all the windows for a fire truck or police vehicle or other lights, but there were none. I could see the lights from every room and angle, so I yelled for my husband. It was not quite dawn, and he was got up and came check it out. He couldn't see the lights at all, even though they were vivid and clearly visible to me.