I was not doing well with grieving for my wife and was starting to consider ending my life.  I was sitting on the porch trying to get some kind of spiritual meaning from a religious book, but it was not working.  I think I was starting to despair of having any kind of happiness or peace in the future. I started crying.  I had been doing that multiple times a day since Myrna died.  Crying was unusual for me but it is not anymore. Suddenly I felt Myrna's presence on the porch right in front of me.  I felt her kiss my lips.  They tingled, and I put my hand to my mouth.  All of this was very startling and surprising to me, although it felt completely normal at the same time.  Then I heard her say that she loved me as much as ever and she was OK.  By this time I was a little stunned.  Then I looked down and there was a greeting card on my lap that was not there before. It was a card she had sent me 29-years earlier during our courtship.  I had not seen it since although I recognized it after looking at it.  It frankly scared me how it appeared so suddenly. I gasped when I saw it. In the card she says she loves me and misses me, and wants to be with me.  That card has become very important to me.  Some part of me said 'Maybe it slipped from the book I was reading?'; but it really doesn't matter how it got there.  This ADC experience changed my life and opened my mind to the possibility of survival after death.  My wife believed more in survival after death than I did.  I was a science major in college and so a materialist at that time.  I have studied spiritualism a great deal since then trying to understand what happened on that porch.  The Guggenheim's 'Hello From Heaven' was one of the first books I bought after the experience.  I was not aware of ADC's before this experience and did not know I had one until I read this book. Now I regret not learning more and having such a closed mind before my wife passed.  This knowledge would have helped both of us so much in dealing with Myrna's terminal illness.

One of your questions above is: Have you had more than one ADC.  I have tried Dr. Hogan's induced after death communication with some success. Although there will always be some doubts about my abilities to communicate with Myrna.  I have no doubts about her communicating with me though during this ADC she initiated to save my life.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   It was a thought in my head that came shortly after feeling her presence and after she kissed me.  It was familiar like one of my own thoughts yet it was not from me.  It was addressed to me from her.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     It was in my head yet not created by me. Its hard to explain.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     I did not physically hear her.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   Could it have been my own thought?  Yes, but it wasn't created by me and it came right after she made contact.  It did say what I wanted to hear.  That she was OK and that she still loved me.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   I did not physically hear her.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         Yes

She kissed me on the lips.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? It was familiar enough for me not to draw back and I understood what she was doing.  It left a tingling sensation that lasted for a while.

          Was anything communicated by the touch? She was basically forcing me to acknowledge her presence in a very loving way.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No.  But could I be deranged and invented the whole thing?  Everything but the greeting card, which is why she left it.

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      No longer than three minutes I'd say.  Probably a lot less but I had a bit of an emotional melt down afterwards, and its hard to judge.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       It just ended after I found and explored the card in my lap.  But then my emotions took over and I was there for some time in a bit of shock and crying some more.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

She loved me, wanted me to know she still existed, and wanted me to survive her death.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  As I have gone over this experience, I'm remembering that I had a thought after the contact on the porch, that our love still survives and still links us together.  I was trying to place exactly when this thought came but I think it was while I studied the card.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I think my wife made a real effort to contact me, to let me know that she not only survived her death but was whole and OK now. I think she did this to save me from despair and severe depression.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I was startled and surprised by her presence and the kiss.  I felt extreme relief to know she survived and still loved me.  I gasped when I saw the card in my lap and was a little afraid at that point at the unexpectedness of it being there. I rejoiced when in thought about still being linked with her by our love.  I think maybe I cried through the whole experience. Greif still was there though but it was changed.  Grief was no longer dominant.  I had some hope again.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

I was dying myself before this experience.  I had no interest in continuing to be here.  I despaired ruminating about my wife's final days.  I was her main care giver the last three years of her illness and during hospice care.  I was acting out extreme risk behavior on my bicycle. I was born a Catholic and believed suicide will be punished.  But an accident was not suicide.  I could not find any comfort in religious reading or in my place of worship.  Although people were trying to help I could not accept them into my life.  I'm an introvert and so was Myrna and we lived a very private close life together for 30-years. She did have some spiritual experiences during that time that she shared with me.  They were always centered around her and I was quietly skeptical even when I witnessed one.  I felt like she forced her way through all that skepticism in my head and forced me to acknowledge her survival.  She did this because she cares about me still just as I still care about her.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          The best part was knowing my wife still exists, is now physically sound, she still loves me, and we are still connected. It also opened up whole new avenues of spiritual ideas and concepts to explore that have changed how I experience life and death.  The worst part is that grief still also exists and needs to be lived through. It made the grief more manageable but it could not remove the traumatic experience of losing my partner to illness.  I swear I developed some kind of PTSD.  I still get these flashbacks of the last weeks and I burst out crying unexpectedly. Its getting somewhat easier but I'm still separated from her here which still hurts everyday.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     All my ideas on the meaning of life and what is reality have changed.  I have a deep hunger now to know more about what I really am (spiritual) and what I am not (material). Most of the education I have had up to now (science based) seem sadly unimpressive and not very relevant to living a meaningful life. This also includes religious training which always seemed empty and powerless. The whole struggle to impress others and succeed in life seems pointless and empty.  Even the struggle to survive (myself and my family) ahead of others seems unimportant now.  Its much more important to do what I was really meant to do here: which I now believe was to live a peaceful and loving life with my wife and to help see her through what she needed from me without my failing her or myself.  I have some personal failures I truly regret from earlier in my life and I'm trying to deal with everything now in a spiritual way rather than with guilt, fear, and denial.  I'm slowly learning to see all other people as connected through the spirit in us rather than separated through fear and competitiveness. If I die soon, I will be fine with that and not resist it very much.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    I have had a major shift in attitude toward live after death and the spiritual meaning behind life on Earth. I have set aside my religious ideas as too limited and restraining.  I have a true drive now to learn about all things spiritual.  I would like very much to communicate directly with my wife and have tried several avenues with moderate success.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    I have studied life after death very seriously since the ADC and all my ideas on what reality is here on Earth have changed.  I'm no longer a materialist.  I have no real interest in popular culture or politics anymore.  I still have fundamental liberal attitudes but no longer any political agenda of any kind. I feel like I have left behind so many ideas and goals that no longer seem important.  I feel like its my time in life to learn about the importance of a spiritual life and growth.  I am ready to die when it happens naturally - without my help in any way. I don't want to be separated from my wife by any kind of karma generated by self-exiting life. There is still some Catholic in me about suicide. I worry about this force separation from my wife.  That maybe she will loose interest in me here, but I think that is just fearful thinking.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes The greeting card was physical evidence of the experience.  Could it have dropped from a book I was ready?  Maybe, but I had set that book aside earlier and had not noticed the card until after my wife made her appearance.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Like I said I did not know about ADC's and so began looking for some answers to what happened.  Mostly I have read books (>50 now) and learned from on-line resources.  I did bring the experience up at the next Newly Bereaved group I went to.  A couple of the ladies actually got mad at me and one made a snide comment about not being able to talk with her deceased husband like me.  One lady came over and said she believed what happened and was very warm about it.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    Like I said I shared it with the Newly Bereaved group I was attending and it mostly did not go well.  Anger and denial was the main reaction except for one lady who was very open and friendly about it.  I decided not to share it again or go back to that group.  Then I had an 8-week Hospice Bereavement group and once again I shared it thinking it would not be honest not to.  I told them on the first day about it in a general way, then did not bring it up again till the last meeting.  At the last meeting I showed them the greeting card.  Some believed, some did not.  All were generally friendly in this group though. I spoke to an author (through email) of some after life books and he suggested not telling others unless I was in a receptive audience. Like with believers in other words.  I've mostly kept to that advice  although I did recently resign from my place of worship.  I did tell them about it thinking they will be glad to be rid of me this way.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         Yes

I think I mentioned it to Dr. Hogan while writing about the induced experiences.  I also mentioned it on a couple of after life on line Facebook sites but I found I don't like that form of communication and have since cancelled all  of the forum like sites.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   This writing it out was a bit like reliving the experience.  Thanks.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       Uncertain 

No medications.  Just what I told you about my explorations with spiritual leaning since.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       The survey is very thorough so I have no suggestions.  Like I said above I feel I'm a little to old and a little too introverted to communicate on line conformably in a forum setting.  Thanks though.