My mother passed away in November of 2010, the day after Thanksgiving that year. At that time, I was exactly 20 weeks pregnant with my first son, her first grandchild.After my mom passed away, my father went into a full blown manic episode as he is bi-polar and within months was evicted from the home they had rented for nearly 20 years. He moved out the week I delivered my son. To say it was a stressful time is obvious; but looking back, I was not nearly as depressed or stressed (at least not as I could tell on the surface) as I would have thought to be.  I remember at the time having a genuine feeling that all would be ok and really survived on an inexplicable sense of peace. You know, the kind that surpasses all understanding...

One afternoon, and about 90days or so after having my son, I had a a genuine breakdown moment. For the first time since my mom's passing, I experienced the soul-crushing ache of her loss and I let the feeling linger. Fussy newborn in my arms, we both sat there sobbing with one another, as we swayed back and forth in the rocking chair. I felt so lost as a mother without my own to guide me. I cried out in fervent prayer, calling to my mom that I needed a sign from her. I needed to know for certain that she was still with me, and that I'd see her again. Eventually the feeling lifted and baby fell asleep in my arms.

An hour or two had passed since baby had fallen asleep when my little sister dropped by. She said she was just stopping by briefly to drop off a bag of items that she and my other sister had saved for me the week my dad was evicted (nearly two months prior). Since I had not been able to help move him out, they had saved me a bag of things they thought I would have wanted to keep and she had been meaning to drop it off for weeks. I assumed these items were old yearbooks, things from my childhood, etc. I didn't even get up to to look through the bag and continued on with whatever it was I was doing.

Just before my husband and I went to sleep that night, I decided to rifle through the bag. And to my incredible delight, I soon realized that every item contained within this bag had to do with my mom. There was her baby blanket from when she was a baby, which became mine and my sisters when we were all young; a dress she had saved from when I was a toddler because she loved it so much and it reminded her of me as a baby; journals of her writing and drawings (Art was her favorite past time); a shirt that I had bought her on a trip to Catalina the summer just after her initial diagnosis; a stuffed animal she had sewn for my dad after an especially draining manic episode early in their marriage (a story in and of itself); a set of Willow Tree angel figurines that she loved and collected; and at the bottom of the bag were a box of unopened Christmas cards--a box of cards that she had bought in October 2010, just one month before her passing. She had been so excited about them because they had one of her favorite bible passages and she was in such a state of peace about her illness, that this was what she wanted to share with all of her loved ones. The passage read:  "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -John 14;27" The irony of this message was not lost on me in that moment. She may have not been able to share that message with all of her loved ones that Christmas, but here I was half a year later, in desperate need of that message and it came all in perfect timing. I could not have dreamed of a more robust and beautiful answer to my prayer. I was handed my mom's life, assembled lovingly in one bag, reminding me that she was still with me. The peace I experienced in that moment was otherworldly and continues to lift me when I remember this story today.

This was just one of many more beautiful signs of her presence in the years following her departure.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?     No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?          No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?       No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?       No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      From prayer to sister dropping bag off, a couple hours.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?      Gradual

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   It was to perfectly orchestrated to be coincidence, especially since my sister had been meaning to drop off items for nearly two months and just happen to do so just after my intentional prayer. The timing could not have been more appropriate.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Amazement, Euphoria, Love, and of course PEACE

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

I moved forward with complete trust that she is with me and I'll see her again.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     The best was feeling like I was heard and that I was given an answer that deeply fulfilled me. There was no worst part.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     I'm a better version of myself when I remember this story and am reminded that we are genuinely all connected to something higher.