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Experience description:

I was sitting on my couch in my living room, alone. I was thinking about the time before my grandmother died. At that time, it had already been 5 years ago that she passed away. In her last years she had severe dementia. My mother decided to put her in a care home. My grandmother didn't wanted to go there. I felt so sad for her, I blamed my mother for not letting her live with us, in our house, so we can take care of her. I was thinking about a certain moment, where we had visited her in the care house when she was still alive and we were on our way back home and my grandmother wanted to come with us. My mom quickly closed the glass door so she couldn't get out. My grandmother started to bang on the door, screaming she wanted to get out of there, to please take her with us. It was terrible. My mom and sister continued to walk away while I was standing there, looking back, wanting to open de door for her again. My mom took me by the arm and dragged me away. I was thinking about that moment that day. It made me so increadibly sad, I started to cry. Even so she had been dead for 5 years, I got so sad thinking about this moment that my sadness and pain got really extreme. I felt SO sorry for her that this had happened to her and that we left her there. All of a sudden I heard a loud banging on my window. All shocked I jumped up, looking at the window. I thought somebody is in my garden! Banging at my window! I took a closer look, ready to fight the burglar, but there was no one there! Then I knew this had to be my grandmother. I strongly felt it was her, making me stop crying for her. Like my crying made her sad, she wanted to stop me. I strongly felt she wanted to tell me all was relative and not important. Just a moment in life.

 Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

 Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

 Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

           Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   I heard a very loud banging on my window, like my window would almost break from it.

           Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     No I really heard the sound, somebody was banging on my window very loudly, but no one was there.

           Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No, not possible. There was nobody in my garden and it would not have been possible to be out of sight that fast.

           Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No, my ears are just fine.

 Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

 Did you see the deceased?       No

 Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

 How long did the experience last?      Just a moment.

 Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       Very sudden.

 Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

 She was angry that I was crying so intensely about her, that it was just a small detail of her life, not worthy to cry over the way I did. It made her unhappy and angry, like my emotions were disturbing her.

 Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Yes, that it all was just a relative thing. The totallity of life is important, not the small details.

 How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

           Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   Cause I really heard the loud banging on my window and nobody was there. Also I was in an extreme emotional state, I was extremely sad about her. I must have accidently called her over or something.

           Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

 Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Extreme grief over her

 Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

 Suddenly it clicked, my grandmother didn't wanted me to grief over her, so I simply stopped.

 What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Worst part is I was shocked a deceased person is able to bang on my window. The best part was I knew why she did it and it made me stop crying.

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    That there is probably more than just physical life.

 Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         No     

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    Yes

 Just hours before my grandmother died, I have asked her to visit me. But I think she didn't hear me because she was unconscious. Later I made such a compact with my best male friend and with my mother. They both are still alive.

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Extreme grief

 Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

 Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

 Did you become aware of future events?      No

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      Yes

Years later I had several experiences with my cat who passed away long time ago. I was in my bed and almost asleep and he was sitting on top my head. He was licking my forehead. I could so clearly feel his rough tongue licking my forehead and I was so happy I could feel him, I could even smell him, it made me cry from happiness. I wanted to enjoy that moment for as long as possible. Just a couple of days before this happened, I had asked my cat (in my mind) to take care of my dog, just to be there for him for a moment, because my dog was very ill and was going to die. I'm sure my cat heard me, because he visited me a couple of days later.

 Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

 Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

 Did you see a light?        No

 Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

 Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    They liked the story. Not sure if it had influenced them in any way.

 Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes  Long story

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes