1. John has always loved the shape of the moon between full and half full. “What a lovely gibbous moon,” he’d say. A few nights after he died, I was in Vancouver sleeping on my sister’s deck. I woke up in the middle of the night to find him showing me this huge, blood-red gibbous moon. I saw the moon for 3 nights in a row from 1 am to 4 am. My sister watched it with me one night. We took photos.

2. A few nights later, I sat on our deck watching  the biggest, most stupendous lightning storm I have ever seen - a  storm that went on for hours with thousands of lightning bolts that did not cause any fires or injuries. We seldom get lightening in this part of the world. Many people took photos.

3. This is from a book I wrote for family/friends so it is a bit poetic but here goes: Last year, as summer became autumn became winter I added blankets to clothes and snuggled into myself while watching John’s nightly light shows. I love how we show up for each other each night. On clear nights, the constant light from the stars provides a stunning backdrop for the silhouettes of trees, clouds, shooting stars and electrical light shows. With the help of a night sky map, I locate the ladle and bowl of the Big Dipper, the W of Cassiopeia, and the tail of Draco the Dragon in between. On nights when mists and rain curtain the night skies, the clouds glow faintly with light from the Earth. As I sit, shades of roses, purples, mossy greens provide the backdrop for a subtler light show. The first few times, it took my eyes a little time to receive, absorb and trust the reality of the tiny sprinkles of phosphorescent sparkles dancing through the sky in slow motion shimmering streamers – sometimes climbing high in the sky then cascading downward. Like a slow motion movie of champagne bursting out of a bottle right after the cork popped off, the sparkles bubbled into thin strands of falling mist.  One night a fountain of sparkles lit up the top branches of the Douglas Fir Tree with tiny twinkles while bright balls and sheets of lightning flashed in the clouds. John and I were both fascinated by the psychology of illusions. Simply put, this is the study of how our perceptions of pictures, objects or events transform depending on the different ways the stimulus in the foreground and what is going on in the background combine with our internal perspectives. I like to describe this shifting of shapes, forms and images as “deep looking”. Visual artists tend to become very good at looking deeply by combining what is there in different ways, shifting back and forth from the background to the foreground, changing points of view, going from 2 dimensions to 3 dimensions and playing with light and shadows. I began looking deeply into John’s light shows by combining what I saw in the night sky with this picture I found in Heather Niderost’s book about her son Eric’s life after his death in which he describes himself as a light being. At first I could only find John shining at me in his phosphorescent light-being manifestation on cloudy nights. I  am now able to find and visit with him every night. I know what I am seeing is only a partial view of what is behind a veil. I feel as if I am standing on a street at night, looking at the back-lit silhouettes and shadows hinting at the beauty inside someone’s cozy home.

Background Information:

Date of experience:          daily since July 29 2020

Length of time between death of deceased and your experience:  a few days

Was the date of the experience significant in any way?            John was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor mid-March 2020. We viewed this as our last adventure together and I promised to accompany him as long as I could which I assumed would be until he died. Instead it turns out we are still together with our loving relationship continuing to evolve.

General geographic location of experience:  Duncan, Vancouver Island, BC, Canada

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience:          Sitting out on our deck at night.

Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience:      Severe sadness and/or grief feelings

Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience:            Fully alert

After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience:    Wonderful

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes    Daily since my husband died on July 24, 2020

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes

I worry that if I try to explain my nightly experiences or try to show someone what I am experiencing then the ADC will end.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?     

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         Yes

Breathe on my face.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? Yes, it feels like when John and I nuzzled our cheeks and chins together

          Was anything communicated by the touch? Love, reassurance, shared meditation.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

He is totally different. He manifests as a "light being" - a group of fairly rapidly moving lights in a circular pattern.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            The lights are very clear however, I sense that I am just glimpsing lights through a veil. If I could see everything about John I imagine it would be multicolored, complex and spectacular.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       It feels to me as if the lights are a silhouette or a glimpse of his spiritual being.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?           I have had about a dozen vivid dreams with John in them - he is always younger than when he died. Maybe age 40 to 60?

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He appears very healthy in his nightly light being form as well as in his physical form when we meet in my dreams.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      I visit with John every night for 30 to 90 minutes. He is very easy to find.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       The experience doesn't end. So long as it is dark I can find him.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

Filled with loving reassurance and delight.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  John doesn't communicate with me in English. It feels like the same kind of communication I have with the divine when I am in a Quaker Silent Worship Group. After watching his light shows every night, I began observing, taking photos and doing a bit of studying about light, reflections         

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I feel reassured, re-oriented, much more happy, comfortable, at home, interactive, romantic, funny, in love, so thankful to be visiting with John every single night.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

Soon after John died a friend sent me a book by Tom Zuba called “Permission to Mourn: A new way to do grief.” Tom’s book shines a light on our choice to communicate nightly and "dance between both worlds" as a meaningful, valid and healthy way for me to mourn.

Nine months later, I was ready for Tom’s next book, “Becoming Radiant: A new way to do life following the ‘death’ of a beloved.” This book shines a light on what has been a miraculous year. John’s messages are miracles. Finding John in his new light being form is miraculous. Our nightly visits with our new ways of loving and communicating are miraculous. Each moment of our new, dramatically different romance is miraculous. My feelings of excitement that I have more and more and more and more as I experience, explore, discover, create, enjoy and love each moment of my wild and precious life are miraculous too. My bicycle trips, camping trips, mindful walks, photography, paddling, birding, art, journaling on the jamboree, faith-filled support groups, loving connections with family and friends, zoom meetings, courses, cooking, renovating, story-telling, poetry, dreaming, crying, laughing, singing are all miraculous ways of becoming radiant. Our cat being so affectionate is miraculous. Writing and editing books of John’s songs, legacies, life story and our love stories are miraculous things to be doing. The peace monuments and all our legacy projects are miraculous. Our radiant adventures with water and light are miraculous.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          It's all good.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     I am spending a lot of time experiencing, researching and exploring shared death experiences and after death communication with John. As a Quaker I believe in direct experience without the need for a mediator so I don't feel a need to search out mediums or other spiritual guides. I spend much more time with friends and family who are interested in developing their death awareness and sharing stories about the next realm. 

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    I am much more spiritual and much more intentional about developing my spirit. Here is my morning prayer: "I am a continuation of Mom, Dad, John and everyone who has contributed their love, teachings, stories, experiences to my life. I thank my genetic and spiritual ancestors. May I have the courage today to represent them well. May my mind come alive today to the invisible geography that invites me to new frontiers. May I follow my heart, lead the life I love and do what I dream free from fear.

May I live with love and laughter as our legacies ripple ever outward through my actions."

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    ’ve loved our 41 year (and counting) romance.

Accentuating the positive, following our natural attractions, living life adventurously, being mystical, exploring spirituality, embracing diversity, building community, sharing stories, being creative, connecting with nature, caring for the places we love.

By continuing to focus on these things, I am continuing to become all we have loved. Thich Nhat Hanh and other spiritual guides are helping me find John and find myself. All I have to do to come home to myself and to John is slow down and pay attention to the breeze on my face, the earth under my feet, my breath travelling in and out of my lungs, the reflections of light on water and the sky.

My days are becoming more and more light-hearted. I am becoming a fulfilling combination of who I have been on my own, who we have been together, our legacy projects, and my thoughts and actions related to present-moment living.

I spend some time each evening visiting with John. I love our nightly meditative practice of breathing together, sharing the highlights of my day, linking my present life back to our fond memories, and learning  new languages of water reflecting light.

“Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings.

By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species.

If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth. This is the real message of love.”

(Thich Nhat Hanh)

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes I have photos of the blood red moon. The lightning storm has been widely reported.

I am scared to try to verify my experiences with John as a light being. Even though I consistently physically see John as a light being with my eyes every night, this is something I prefer to just enjoy as an internal private spiritual experience that is part of my spiritual meditative practices.


What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Awe, Wonder, sacred vulnerability, openness, at one with the universe, reassured, oriented, comforted

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          Yes

The first after-death communications were very spectacular - an unpredicted (and unreported) huge blood red gibbous moon for 3 nights in a row and then the next week an unpredicted and widely reported lightning storm that went on for hours but caused no wildfires or injuries.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

It feels timeless and also feels like a regular spiritual practice that always takes about an hour.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes

I remember back to July 2001, exactly 20 years ago when I was 46 and John was 58. We were right in the middle of our 40 year till-death-do-we-part romance. We always talked about being so fortunate to be in heaven on earth. Peacebuilders for our community, In love with each other and our magnificently diverse world. Now here we are in March 2022. I am 67, John is 1.5 years AD in his new manifestation - an incredibly handsome and sexy (in an other-worldly sort of way) light being. We are at the very beginning of our between-two worlds romance. We are leaving our peace-building legacies. We continue to be in Heaven on Earth together for eternity.

Peace and love are all around.

Did you become aware of future events?      Yes

One of my dreams I was shown my future death by John and Thich Nhat Hanh which they say will be far off in the future and will be an easy death during my old age. I was advised to stay active during the day and get lots of sleep each night. I was also advised to face north at night to find John's stars (between casiopea constellation and the big dipper) and that I would be able to always find John. That has certainly been accurate. I was also advised to focus on light and love which I have been doing.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      Yes

I am much more aware of being in heaven here on earth and being surrounded by miracles. My photography has become quite incredible because I am so much more aware of light and reflections. I participate in after death communication in the same way I participate in birding. I saunter through my life always on the alert for movement. When something moves/shifts/changes I stop, notice, and identify it as an after death communication experience.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Uncertain

I feel as if my spirit began separating from my physical body more and more as my physical care of John increased. I felt as if I was several personalities at once: (lover enjoying romantic times together, caregiver, confidante, listener, writer, communicator with the outside world, facilitator of our facebook support group, cook, cleaner, philosopher, social organizer, technical assistant and on and on and on busy from first thing in the morning till late at night). To manage all of this my spirit and consciousness had to split and divide up the responsibilities. This is from my book for family and friends: The day John died, my spirit was swept into the waterfall with his. When I eventually swam to the surface to re-unite with my body, I found myself at one end of what seemed to be a rainbow or maybe the start of the magical yellow brick road from the Wizard of Oz. Miraculously, John was there with me on a bridge made of our love that had grown long enough and strong enough to stretch all the way from this world to the next.  This book reflects our radiant adventures exploring the water and light that links our two worlds.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?         Yes

There are lots of other light beings watching over me. I imagine they are my relatives and friends who have died.

Did you see a light?        Yes

This is the main aspect of my communication with John.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         Yes

www.sharedcrossing.com

I have been interviewed. I am taking their SDE course. I may do an internship with them.

I recently joined the Love After Life Facebook group which is where I found out about this website.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   I am trying to set my experiences into a research context and so I appreciate the research being done by you and by William Peters/Michael Kinsella. I have a background in qualitative research and know the importance of gathering information through open questions and then identifying themes, sub-themes and key elements.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       Yes 

I have these experiences every single night.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes 

Occasional vivid predictive dreams. Now I have vivid predictive or insightful dreams often.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       Maybe get an idea of the types of ADC's being experienced and their frequency and then ask us to describe the most significant in detail?