It was the night after my mother had went into the ER under an extreme DKA (this is where blood sugar levels are extremely toxic) She was lost on the ER table when a central line was attempted and was without pulse for 20 minutes. She was brought back at the sound of my fathers voice when he arrived, but we were told that she was gone for too long without oxygen to the brain and body- so life support was necessary to keep her body going for the time being.  

I had went home that evening (more than 15 hours later) - Saddened but hopeful. I had went about the home, doing the normal motherly routines (house cleaning and such- bedtime rituals etc.) My 3 year old daughter had fallen asleep on the couch while I had went about my business. A few hours later- I laid down next to her- fully awake, just to give her a hug (as she is the name sake of my mother) Within a minutes time of me laying down next to my daughter and wrapping my arm around her- the world completely stopped. The background noise from the TV completely vanished- it was as if noise was non-existent  

It was if I had been lifted off the couch, held in mid air and fully suspended in time. I do not remember seeing anything at all- But clear as day I could hear my mother's voice, and felt a warm tingling sensation all throughout my body. She said "I am ready to go" - I argued- "Please hold on" her response "You don't understand, I am tired" and I argued once more "At least until the boys say goodbye please and then I will let you go" ( I had at the time 2 younger brothers who had yet to even see her at the hospital)  she then gave no more verbal response but rather a sigh.  

At the moment of her sigh- EVERYTHING crashed it felt like. The warm rush, and tingling completely gone in just an instant, I FELL back onto the couch. At that moment of "impact" I jumped up from the couch- looked around. Not even a minutes time had passed on the clock- the TV was still playing the same commercial it had been the moment I had wrapped my arm around my daughter. I looked around the house and nothing was there- I just KNEW it was my sign that letting go had to be.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

You can't fully express the feeling that it causes over your whole body, and it happens faster than you can completely wrap your head around, but it a feeling that you can never obtain - a once in a lifetime moment that leaves every part of your being feeling different

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    I heard ONLY her voice and my own, there was no other noises. It was completely clear 

She said "I am ready to go" - I argued- "Please hold on" her response "You don't understand, I am tired" and I argued once more "At least until the boys say goodbye please and then I will let you go" she then gave no more verbal response but rather a sigh.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  it all was outside of my physical being- as if all was going on in a complete different area

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           it was EXACTLY the same sound

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no possibility at all

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

Yes , as the tone of the voice was clear in the feelings of tiredness, sadness, and being upset

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No, but did give me the answer to what her final wish was- which was to be let go

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           The feeling like that does not come from a dream- or stem from anything physical. I had previously felt a "presence" from my grandmother on the day of her death- but nothing in my life has ever been so prominent or felt so real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

While I KNOW that it was not a dream, I do have to say it was dream like in the extent that nothing physical has ever achieved that feeling. It was of a total euphoria yet pain and sadness all in once. Never has a dream ever made me physically feel anything to that extent with me being fully aware of the surroundings.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           It was more of a confused, euphoric, sad yet happy feeling. It was a rush of emotions that could not be put into any words

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           No

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      ALL of it was the best and worst- Best because I got to have a last word with my mother- even if not what I wanted it to be particularly- And worst because it was a wakening to let go.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      It has made me more conscious to things that we have now, and building bonds with those surrounding- As my mother and I were closest and it seems as though I was the only one to experience anything from her          

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No      

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?  Yes     It gave a clearer understanding that there IS something after- as a spiritual embodiment could not possibly do what had happened without the possibility of an afterlife

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            sadness, relief, happiness

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           Uncertain

I can't ask my child if she did as well, and no other members in my family have expressed that they felt anything during that evening or anytime period after the fact.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes    time froze

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            No

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I have shared with my spouse and siblings and all have reacted in a sad yet understanding way- that they understand WHY it happened, and see that it was the reasoning for my choices following.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

I have had feelings come over me in prior times at deaths- when I KNEW someone was gone before the actual word had come through to verify the fact. But never anything to the degree of my mother

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes