The fact that my own cat died on the same day as my mother's cat was astonishing and tragic. My mother's cat was seventeen years old and suffering from kidney failure. Her euthanasia had been planned, and she passed away that morning.
Later that evening, I noticed that my beloved cat, Malfoy, was behaving strangely. He was drooling heavily, swaying with every step, and breathing with great difficulty. I was shocked and frightened. My mother and husband drove me to the veterinarian immediately.
After an emergency examination and X-rays, the veterinarian discovered that Malfoy had swallowed a large amount of cat litter, possibly because of dementia related to his age. The litter had caused a severe intestinal obstruction. I repeatedly asked the veterinarian whether he would survive surgery. She was hesitant at first but finally gave me an honest answer. She did not believe he would survive. The surgery would leave him with a large wound and scar, and he would probably die that same night.
Having to say goodbye to my beloved baby was devastating. I was completely numb with shock. He looked at me, and I looked at him. We spent a long time saying goodbye. Because of the COVID restrictions, I had to be alone with him during his final moments. His passing was peaceful, but the grief I experienced was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I could barely breathe. I had no control over my emotions and found myself silently screaming and crying while struggling to catch my breath.
I stayed with his body for more than an hour, saying my final goodbyes. Before leaving, I opened the window to let his soul go free, if such a thing exists. I truly hope it does. Afterward, my mother and then my husband went inside to say their goodbyes. It was an incredibly dark day.
When we returned home, I continued breaking down in tears. I would lie in bed, inconsolable, whimpering for my baby. Along with my grief, I felt overwhelming guilt because I believed I had failed him. I thought I should have known that cats could swallow litter and that something like this could happen. But I simply had not known.
I also remembered how I had treated Malfoy when I was a child. I had sometimes been mean and unfair to him, becoming frustrated with him too easily. He had a difficult time with me during those years. However, as I grew older, Malfoy taught me patience, compassion, and a kind of inner calm. Our relationship changed as I matured, and I loved him deeply.
Still, I could not escape the feeling that I had failed him. I mourned the loss of my precious companion, who had been with me for so many years. Suddenly, he was gone.
After we returned home from the veterinarian, my husband immediately removed all of Malfoy's belongings. His food trays, litter box, blankets, and toys were taken away. The idea was that removing these constant reminders might help me cope with the loss. In some ways, it did help a little.
Four days after Malfoy's death, I was still crying, although not quite as much as before. Then I had the most wonderful dream about him. After that dream, my crying stopped.
It was an extraordinary experience because parts of the dream felt so incredibly realistic. I will try to explain what happened.
During the night, I dreamed that my mother came into my home and announced, "Guess who's back? Malfoy! He's on the balcony. He said it's too boring 'over there,' so he came back to his favorite spot."
I was puzzled and confused because I knew Malfoy was dead.
His favorite place had always been the sunniest spot on our balcony. He absolutely loved lying there, basking in the warmth of the sunshine.
The dream suddenly shifted to the balcony. I clearly remember the green artificial grass rug, the little table, and the gardening stools. Malfoy was lying on one of the stools. He suddenly stood up, meowed, and hopped down onto the green rug.
That was when the dream became extraordinarily realistic.
It was just Malfoy and me.
He did something he had not done in years. He lay down in front of me, rolled over, and presented his belly. I could feel that he wanted me to pet him and scratch his tummy.
For anyone familiar with cats, exposing their belly is an enormous sign of trust because it is one of the most vulnerable parts of their body. Because of the difficulties in our relationship when I was younger, Malfoy had never liked me touching his belly. He had been afraid of it.
Yet there he was, lying on his back and inviting me to touch him.
Everything felt completely real. I could feel the sunshine burning warmly against my skin. I could feel the heat radiating from Malfoy's fur because he had been soaking up the sunshine.
His belly fur had always been softer than the rest of his fur, except for the fur between his ears, which was just as soft. As I stroked his belly, I could feel that wonderful softness beneath my fingers. It was exactly as I remembered it.
I could also feel his deep purring vibrating beneath his skin as my fingers moved up and down through his beautiful, silky belly fur. He enjoyed it so much that he stretched his entire body and seemed to smile. The corners of his mouth actually turned upward.
His eyes were closed in complete bliss.
I felt an overwhelming sense of love, joy, happiness, and, most importantly, forgiveness.
The dream ended very abruptly. One moment, I was lovingly rubbing Malfoy's belly and caressing the sides of his little face. The next moment, I was awake.
When I opened my eyes that morning, I looked down at my hands and said, "I touched him."
My husband was already awake. He looked at me and said, "Huh?"
I immediately began telling him about the incredibly realistic dream I had just experienced. I explained how my mother had appeared and told me that Malfoy had returned because he was bored on the other side and wanted to spend time in his favorite sunny spot.
We both giggled at that part of the dream. Malfoy was bored?
Then I tried to explain what had happened when I touched him.
I told my husband, "I felt him. It was real. He was there. It was like when I'd touch you. I felt him."
And I really had felt him.
I could still remember the exact sensation of Malfoy's soft belly fur against my hands. It had felt just as real as touching anything else in ordinary life. His fur was there beneath my fingers. I could feel his warmth, his purring, and the softness of his body.
I was shocked, but I was also incredibly happy.
After waking, I began to understand what the experience meant to me. I felt that Malfoy had forgiven me for the mistakes I had made when I was younger. He wanted me to stop worrying and feeling guilty. He had come back to say goodbye and to show me that he was doing well.
Those thoughts came into my mind within minutes of waking, while I was still trying to understand how something so realistic could have happened.
I told my mother about the dream, and we wondered whether it had been an actual visit from Malfoy or simply a dream caused by my grief. My mother told me that I should choose whichever explanation felt best to me. After thinking about it for a while, she said she liked to believe that Malfoy had stopped by to say hello.
I truly hope it was not just a dream. I hope Malfoy really was there.
I know what I felt. I touched him, and the sensations were as real as anything I have ever experienced. When I woke up, I had these clear messages in my mind that he was happy, that he had forgiven me, and that I no longer needed to worry about him.
I know that many people report having dreams or visitation experiences involving loved ones who have passed away. Most of those experiences involve people. However, I wanted to share my story because I believe that something similar can happen with our beloved animals.
At least, that is what I hope happened to me.
Even now, remembering the experience fills me with warmth and happiness. I still remember the softness of Malfoy's fur, the warmth of the sunshine, his deep purring, and the beautiful feeling of love and forgiveness.
Most importantly, I remember how wonderful it felt to be with my beloved Malfoy again.
Background Information:
Date of experience: May 15.
Length of time between death of deceased and your experience: Death date: May 11. The experience happened four days later.
Was the date of the experience significant in any way? No.
General geographic location of experience: Germany, Europe.
Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience: I was sleeping at night and awoke early in the morning after an intense, hyper-realistic dream had just ended.
Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience: Severe sadness and/or grief feelings.
Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience: Asleep.
After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience: Wonderful.
Have you had multiple experiences? Yes. I have had two experiences, and I will be sending the other one separately. Both experiences are about animals. I know it is odd, but I guess I am wired to animals.
Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes. It was difficult to explain to my family how "real" it was. How do you explain something like that?
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? No.
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? Yes.
Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated: Malfoy was purring and meowing.
Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? It was outside in my dream. Not like "in me."
If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive? It was similar to Malfoy's voice.
Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? Absolutely not. No other cats, no open window (a tall building, too), and no other people in the house had cats at that time. No videos had been playing in the background.
Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No.
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Yes. Well, I was touching him. His fur on his belly and on the sides of his muzzle.
Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? VERY familiar.
Was anything communicated by the touch? A feeling of joy, happiness, and love.
Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? Absolutely not. I am very skeptical (sadly), and I checked a lot that same day and even afterward to make sure any such possibilities were out of the question. I might even have wanted to find other explanations, but I did not find any.
Did you see the deceased? Yes. He looked perfect and just the way he was in my dream. Malfoy looked a bit healthier. Toward the end of his life, he was very thin and sickly. Not anymore in my dream.
How clearly did the deceased appear? Absolutely clear.
How much of the deceased did you see? His whole body, and even the inside of his ears, the nose leather on his nose, the claws on his toes that had a few splits (dry parts coming off), and the yellow stains on his teeth, right where the gums are. I also saw the white mucus on his tongue and the fascinating patterns in his greenish eyes surrounding his pupils.
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? He seemed only a few years younger, when he was healthy. So maybe one or two years younger.
How healthy did the deceased appear to be? He was very healthy! Just the way he used to be. Before he died, he was very thin due to his age, his back was crooked, and his fur was beginning to turn gray. He also had bald spots on his front legs from gnawing on his ankles due to arthritis pain. We medicated it, though. When the medication wore off, he would start gnawing again.
Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No. I was asleep.
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? Yes.
What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell? I smelled the general scent of his fur in my dream and the warmth in his fur from the sunshine on other parts of his body.
Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar? Very familiar. It was him.
Was anything communicated by the smell? No.
Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No. We had fresh sheets and bedding, too. But that aside, he did not sleep in our bed very often anyway. He slept in our closet at the other end of our bedroom, and we had kept it closed after his death. The open closet door made us sad because it reminded us of how he used to go in there. So it was not possible to smell him while I was sleeping in bed.
How long did the experience last? It felt like twenty to thirty minutes, maybe? It is hard to judge time in a dream. In any case, it was much too short.
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? The beginning was typical dream chaos. You start somewhere, and suddenly you are teleported somewhere else. But then the focus was on the balcony, and everything became concentrated on my cat. The surroundings were the balcony I knew. Maybe there were some things that I had last seen years ago and that are no longer there, but it was not important. It was our balcony. Who cares about the decorations at such a moment? The balcony did not matter. He mattered.
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes. Happiness. Intelligence, because he gave me cues. Calmness and confidence. A proud, relaxed kind of confidence.
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? No. I mean, only a feeling of forgiveness and love. That he acknowledged my pain and sorrow. If it truly was him, it surely took him a lot of energy to visit me and calm me down.
Did you believe in ADCs prior to your experience? Believed it probably could happen.
Do you believe in ADCs now? Believed it probably could happen.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Believed it probably could happen.
Do you now believe in an afterlife? Believed it probably could happen.
Did you believe in God or a Supreme Being prior to your experience? Believed God does not likely exist.
Do you now believe in God or a Supreme Being? Believed God does not likely exist.
Were you afraid of death before your experience? Very fearful.
Are you afraid of death now? Very fearful.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was probably real.
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: I wish I could say "definitely," but I am a skeptic due to fear. I want definite proof, and I am afraid it was just a dream in the end. I hope not. I cling to it and feel good when I remember it. I am torn between the two possibilities. I cannot explain it. I think many people feel that way when they are caught between "There is something" and "There is not." I believe we are the most insecure and scared people, and we have such a hard time standing our own ground and trusting our wishes and beliefs.
Was the experience dream like in any way? Yes. My whole entry is about the dream.
What did you feel (while awake) immediately prior to your experience? Happy.
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: Confusion. I could not believe it. Happiness, love, relief, joy, and sadness, as in "Please stay longer."
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes. I felt like Malfoy forgave me for the rough start to our life together. This is also why I lean toward "It was probably a real event." Despite being a skeptic, this feeling of him forgiving me is branded deep within me, and I stand behind it.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? Being with my beloved animal child again was the best part. Feeling him. Smelling him. The emotions. The worst part was waking up. I also found the way the beginning of the dream led to the whole meeting a bit awkward and stumbling, but that no longer mattered in the end.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes. The relationships with my mother and husband are unchanged. As for me, now when I think of Malfoy, I rarely remember the bad times. Instead, my focus is on the good times we had. For me, as a pessimist who has difficulty remembering nice things, this was a big change. I decided never to get another cat because I do not wish to forget this dream or have the memories of the feelings and smells altered by a new cat. But I cannot see into the future. Maybe one day I will have another cat. As a pessimist, I remember the dream I had about Malfoy quite often when I am in doubt about what comes after life. It is not a certainty for me, but a possibility.
What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have? Sacred, life-changing, fantasy, fear, dream, and joy. I have many thoughts about what happened. The dream is sacred to me. It was life-changing because I no longer feel depressed when thinking about our early life together. I worry that the dream was just a fantasy or a dream, which also includes fear. But I feel joy every time I remember it.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes. My feelings of self-guilt shrank immensely. I was so fascinated by the experience that it helped strengthen my belief in a possible afterlife, despite still being skeptical due to fear and a lack of confidence.
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes. It helped me believe a little more in life after death.
Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? Yes. With my mother and husband. I am afraid of death, and they are not, so I told them to try to reach out. Maybe it works. I am glad to say they are still alive and healthy. I would not want it any other way.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Sadness that it ended, joy, happiness, love, warmth, and confusion.
Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? No.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain. Time in a dream is difficult to catch, make out, and describe.
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes. I felt like Malfoy and I were connected on the same wavelength. Like he "could" have talked with me telepathically, but we did not. We just enjoyed the moment, but this sensation of a connection was there. Instead of him saying anything to me telepathically, I "felt" his forgiveness and emotional security. It was like it came directly from his whole being. It is so difficult to explain. I am sorry.
Did you become aware of future events? No.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No.
Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? Yes. I heard but did not really see my mother, who is still alive. It was the part where the dream was still a chaotic, normal dream before the focus shifted to the balcony and Malfoy. Suddenly, everything became hyper-realistic, and it was just him and me. Nothing else.
Did you see a light? Uncertain. Behind my cat and me, while I was cuddling him, it was very bright, but to me it was the sun. It was hot on my skin, like direct sunlight. It warmed his fur and gave it a certain scent.
Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? No.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. My mother and my husband. Their reactions were curiosity, calmness, joy for my experience, and acceptance. They were not influenced.
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No.
Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No.
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes. A spiritual event. I had another experience involving two animals when I was a very young child. I saw their deaths in my dream, and what I saw became real. Spoiler: It is about two fish. Yes, fish! I know. They lived in a tank in my parents' living room, and I LOVED observing them because they were white with black spots, like Dalmatians. After watching them and going to bed, I did not actually see them die in my dream, but I saw them already deceased in specific spots and positions. I woke up crying and found them exactly as they had appeared in my dream. I will go into more detail about this in my second and final entry here.
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes.
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. The questions were very detailed. I am quite happy.