I was sitting/laying on my bed crying, screaming, pleading to both Mama and God. I had just returned from Montana, where she had been living for about a year and where she had passed away. I cant describe with words the feelings I had inside as a result of losing her and in such a horrifying way. I had been crying in outbursts of sadness, anger, frustration, and guilt since she left this life and this day was no different. After an hour or so of sitting on the bed in tears, eyes swollen and heartache bleeding from my soul I started feeling as if I was going into a panic attack, so I got up, still crying, and started towards the bedroom door as I was all of the sudden uneasy about being alone given my state. I approached the door as if I couldn't get there fast enough and at that moment, I stopped and turned toward the room in a kind of freeze. I felt an eerie shiver crawl up my back. Which frightened me for a second. I then heard Mama say to me, in a worried and saddened tone, "Please stop crying". For a moment I just stood there not breathing and then just a quick I felt a sort of calm come over me and I replied to her, "ok Ma, I will try". Again, for just a minute, I stood there until I couldn't hold back the tears and I turned and walked out of the room.  

Almost every time I cry since that experience, I think back on that day and how sad she seemed to be that I was so deeply torn over her passing. But, I still cry silently and sometimes very loud. I've still yet to accept her being gone and continue to bear a soul of pain and loneliness and a near empty heart full of unanswered questions and worry for where her soul may be.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    My Mama asking me to please stop crying. It was almost clear as would have been had she been right there beside me in life. She expressed her sorrow in my pain and her wish for me to be strong.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  She was speaking both in my heart and as if she were right there on my left side as I stood looking from the door to my room.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Quite similar to her how she would sound in life.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           Not at all.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   I do not believe so.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Uncertain

I felt a feeling up my back, which enveloped over my body going up and over my head until it consumed me.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   I was taken back at first, almost scared until I hear her. However, at that moment it didn't seem fully familiar. But hearing her made it so, she was there to comfort me even if for a brief moment.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  I don't think so.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you see the deceased?         No

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            I have not seen her in any manner outside of the dreams I have. Which, she appears as solid as everyone else.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of her.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       She looked, to me, as she did the last time I saw her alive.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            She has appeared to be, in what I call normal health, when I see her in the dreams.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           Again, no.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        Just for a moment.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The end was sudden, i.e., the feeling and sound of her voice, there and gone.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

She was sad and worried as she was in life toward me for months before she had passed.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  What she had asked of me was helpful in an important way.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           Hearing her was real therefore I believe in my heart the experience was reality via the spirit realm.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

this one was not.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           No

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best part: hearing her voice and emotion. Worst part: feeling as if that was the last time I'd hear from her in life other than possibly in dreams.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                  Daily life most often seems unmanageable. Marital problems were an issue before this and became more difficult after. I talk to God a lot more now.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     My belief in God was effected in a positive well needed manner.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes    

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?   No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Continued sadness, anger, loneliness.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes    

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes 

When I shake her Urn I feel her in my heart. When I hold the lock of hair I cut from her head while preparing her body for the service, or hold the bracelet I had put on her for the service I feel her in my heart. When I wear or hold the earrings she was wearing when she passed I feel close to her. The same applies when I touch and smell the dress I put on her for the viewing.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Uncertain 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes