I have previously submitted my experience on seeing my grandfather in June of 2016. He had come to me at night and told me to stop worrying about him and that he loves me and we will see each other again. I have always had an extreme fear of death. It is actually debilitating. And while this previous experience gave me a lot of comfort at the time, I found that I was back to panicking about death and what happens when you die very soon after.

One afternoon, My family and I were in our living room and I was sitting on the end of the sofa closest to our sliding door that leads to the porch. In front of the porch railing is a giant bush where lots of birds and small animals come every day. It is very rare however, for us to see a cardinal. The cardinal was my grandfathers favorite bird and we had not seen any for about a year until my papa died in February 2016, when a male and female cardinal began visiting our porch every day. My family and I said, 'Oh, that's papa!' but of course with my anxieties and my skeptical/scientific mind, I dismissed the birds. After the birds came my visit from papa but as I said, I still panic! (Believe me, I wish I would just believe and accept what I saw and get over my fear but I can't)

Anyway, we were sitting in the living room and I was thinking about papa when a young male cardinal in all his glory, came and landed on our porch railing and stared right at me! I smiled and yelled for my grandmother and husband to look and we all agreed it was papa. The cardinal flew off a few minutes later as I was reading a passage from 'Hello From Heaven'. This passage was about how a butterfly came to a grieving mother and when it left, she asked that if it was her son, to please send the butterfly back so she would know it was really him. I decided to try it. The cardinal had been gone for about five minutes now but I told my family what I was going to ask and then said aloud, 'Papa, if that's you, please send the cardinal back.' After saying it aloud I repeated it in my head like a mantra '...please send the cardinal back.' I had been silently chanting for about five minutes and was on the verge of a panic attack because the cardinal wasn't coming (so in my mind that meant papa wasn't there and never has been or will be) when the SAME cardinal came flying in and landed on the porch railing again but this time on the other side of it, out of sight to my husband and grandmother. I screamed for joy and made my family get up so they could see what papa had sent me. Papa sent me a cardinal! It was really him! I was getting out my phone so I could take a picture of the beautiful bird when I opened the camera, turned my phone toward the slider, and the cardinal took off straight up into the sky before I could snap the picture. In my mind, this was papa telling I need to believe my own eyes and trust in the things I have seen and experienced.

I am still petrified of death and dying and I often rip apart the experiences I have had and say 'I was dreaming' or 'It was a coincidence'  but my husband reminds me of the cardinal and how papa sent it back when I asked him to and how I did see him and he told me he was okay and that we would see each other again and it helps to calm me down some. I hope that as time goes on I will continue to receive signs that my papa is still very much alive.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?       Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           No

Did you see the deceased?        No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No

How long did the experience last?       about 5 minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        Gradual

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         I was awake and begged/prayed for my papa to send the bird back. It was very much real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          I was panicking about dying and the afterlife right before this experience which is why I was reading 'Hello From Heaven'

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Uncertain

I believe my experience to be an act by my grandfather but I am still uncertain in my spiritual beliefs and have such a great fear of death that I am not sure it 'healed' anything as much as it did provide me with another coping mechanism for my grief and panic

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     The best part was that I asked papa to send the bird back and he did! The worst was that I couldn't get a picture!

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?       No     

Experience description 2428:  

I was in and out of a very light sleep like always when all of a sudden; it was like I was on a different plane of existence. I was in my bed with My husband  and the TV was showing the same show I had on in my normal reality. The cat was in the dog bed and the dog was not in the room. The bedroom was illuminated only by the light of the TV. I was looking around the room while laying down seeing all of this when I turned my attention to a figure appearing out of thin air in my door way. It looked as if a person was taking shape out of the air and the first thing I saw was a thin white V-neck shirt and in my mind I thought, “That’s my papa.”

​The shape that was forming seemed to rush toward me and through my body, in one side and out the other. My heart raced, I flipped onto my back in bed and, as the particles moved through me, I heard Papa saying, “Don’t worry about me”.

​Still in this other plane I closed my eyes and was trying to go back to sleep when I felt like someone was watching me. I opened my eyes and looked over to the window across my husbands sleeping body and saw my Papa in full form standing in my room in his dark green bathrobe with the red trim that he wore all the time. I immediately started crying and reached my hand out over my husbands  body and my Papa grabbed it. He then walked over to my side of the bed and sat on the edge while I still lay there with my head propped up a bit.

​I was holding his hand and could feel his soft leather like skin when I rubbed it with my thumb. Still crying, I looked at him and said, “I love you Papa. Do you know I love you?” I kissed his hand and he smiled looking at me and said, “Yes, I do. I love you too. Very much.” Crying harder now I hugged him and could feel the worn fleece of his robe and his strong arms around me. I sat back holding his hand again and asked, “Will I see you again?” we both knew I was really asking, will I be with you when I die? “Yes.” He said. “Yes you will.”

​This was the end of the encounter and I cannot tell you how he left, when it started, when it ended, or how long it lasted. Time didn’t matter and the idea of time seemingly didn’t exist at all. I have been saying I was in another plane because I truly felt and believe that was where I was. This was not like a dream where you didn’t know if what was happening was real or not. This was not a dream that you woke up from and said, “Oh, I was dreaming and am now awake”. This was not a dream.

I was hyper aware of what was happening. I was aware that my Papa came to me and I had every question I had been panicking about, answered. My Papa knows I love him. My Papa is okay. There is a life after death that includes consciousness that we have here on earth. When I die, I will see my Papa again.

A little background for this encounter; two days before I had been panicing about death and where my papa was, if the soul and consciousness existed after death. I am not religious but I prayed and said, 'God, if you are real, if you exist, please let me see my Papa. I need to know my papa knows I love him. I can't handle panicking every day about him and about death. Papa, if you're listening, please come and see me. Please let me know you're okay.' The day after this prayer I heard Papas distinct whistle in my room while I was trying to fall asleep. Whenever we lost him in a store he would whistle a few notes until we were reunited. I blew it off to someone outside the building but then the experience above happened. The feelings of peace and happiness were overwhelming. Because of my anxiety I still panic but I remember this experience and the peace I felt from my Papa and I know he is okay and that we will be together again.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?       No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   I heard my Papa say, 'Don't worry about me' and then he also answered my questions during our conversation. When asked if he knew that I love him, he replied that he did and that he loved me as well. He also said I would see him again one day. I heard him very clearly and it was his voice.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?            I was speaking to Papa with my voice but his responses were internal to me. Like he was speaking directly into my head. His lips were not moving when he responded.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Exact voice as when alive.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          Absolutely not. The TV show that was on was a British narrator and my Papa had a slight Spanish accent.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? The tv volume was too low since we were in bed to have affect on hearing. I also heard papa internally so the tv did not bother anything.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           Yes

I was holding my papas hand and we hugged.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?  Completely familiar. It was my papas long, skinny, strong, arms.

            Was anything communicated by the touch? Just comfort and reassurance.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          No.

Did you see the deceased?        Yes

Papa looked as he did when he was alive, before the dementia took him. He looked healthy and happy. He had fewer wrinkles and his hands were smooth instead of veins popping through. He stood straight and proud like before the dementia.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?           Completely solid in the robe he only took off of he had too with the white v-neck thin t-shirt underneath.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of him.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?      He was about 10 years younger.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           When he died, pap looked like a skeleton with skin on top. He was frail and cold. When he came to me here, he was solid and fuller. His cheeck swerve full and tight, not sagging. His hands were smooth and not wrinkly.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          Absolutely not.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No

How long did the experience last?       Maybe about 5 minutes. It's hard to say.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        Beginning was subtle. I saw him and felt him fading into the room. The ending was abrupt, he was just gone and then I awoke the next morning with this memory.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

He was happy and peaceful yet a little concerned about me.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? No.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         I was in my room, the same TV show was on. My husband and cat were in the room. I could FEEL my papas hands and robe and body underneath that. I have no doubt it was real. The emotions that lingered into the next day from this experience were the most powerful things I've ever felt.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          Elated to see my papa. Worry that it was a dream then peaceful once he reassured me that I would see him again and when I realized I was in my room but somewhere else. Like my whole room was on another plane. Just happy.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Yes

When I panic about death, I know that there is an afterlife and can remind myself of this exerted a. I have not panicked about papa since.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     The best thing was holding my papas hand and hearing I would see him again. The worst part was It being over.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?       Yes                 Describe:            This has affected my daily life. I think of dying daily and am afraid of it but thinking of this experience helps relieve the anxiety.