I was sitting in my garage waiting to hear from my brother about when our mother had passed away.
My mom had suffered a brain bleed. She had previously signed paperwork stating that if she became unconscious and surgery was an option to save her life, but the surgery would leave her in a worse condition than she had been before, then she did not want to have the surgery. That was the situation she was in. They placed her in palliative care, which I learned is where they care for people who are basically at the end of life and try to keep them as comfortable as possible.
I received a call from my brother telling me this was probably the moment we all dread, and that it was time. I flew from California, where I live, to Portland, Oregon, where my mom was. I stayed for about a day and a half, but then I had to fly home because I am responsible for a number of animals where I live. I had no one to care for them, so if I had not returned, they would have starved to death.
It was about three and a half days after my mom had been placed in palliative care. I was staring at the ground in my garage, feeling angry that there was nothing I could do to help her. I felt sad, upset, frustrated, angry, confused, and irritated all at once.
Then, all of a sudden, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I had heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me twice before in my life. I felt as though something inside me changed, and suddenly my mother was standing in front of me.
I immediately felt ashamed that I was not there beside her. She reached down, cupped her right hand beneath my chin, and gently lifted my face so I would look at her. She said, "Don't worry."
I still felt bad, so she repeated herself. She again said, "Don't worry."
As soon as she said it the second time, all of my worry dissolved away.
She went on to tell me that we did not have to worry anymore, that she was not in any pain, and that she was very happy with the way everyone at the hospital had cared for her. She said it could not have been done any better. She told me that she was at peace now and that everything was good.
She smiled at me and started to turn away. Then I called out, "Mom?" because I wanted to ask her a question.
She turned back toward me, and of all the things I could have asked, I asked, "Will I ever find love?"
She looked at me and answered in a way only my mother could, with a certain tone of voice. She said, "I don't know?"
When she spoke, it was not audible like a sound you hear with your ears. I also did not feel like I was seeing her with my physical eyes. I saw her with what I can only describe as my mind's eye, or maybe I really was seeing her with my eyes. I honestly do not know. What I do know is that you could feel everything they felt, and she could see every feeling I had. It was such a pure experience of perfect being. Nothing could be hidden. No thought and no emotion could be concealed. It was so amazing.
When she answered, "I don't know," I could feel that she noticed my disappointment and my embarrassment for asking what I thought was a dumb question. I could also feel that she felt bad for not knowing the answer. I sensed that she wanted to respond again by saying that she would go out there with me to find it. Instead, what she added was, "I'm sure if you go out there, you will find what you're looking for."
Then she turned and was gone.
I sat there in amazement over what had just happened. About two minutes later, or perhaps even less, my mother appeared again, this time slightly to my right.
As soon as she appeared, she began moving backward and slightly upward while still facing me. Something was rushing past her that looked like sharp pieces of glass, although my guess is that it was actually brilliant light. My view of her gradually began to fade.
She quickly said, "Use your gifts. You'll find love."
Then she was gone.
I immediately grabbed my cell phone and texted my brother, telling him that I had just had an experience with our mother. As soon as I sent the text, he replied, "She's gone."
She had passed away only moments before, and he had needed a little time to gather himself before texting me.
I have a younger sister and an older brother. My brother lived in Oregon near my mom, and my sister also lives in California. Neither my brother nor my sister are spiritual the way I am.
My sister flew out to see my mom as well, and she arrived before I did. She was able to see my mom awake one last time, but by the time I arrived, my mother had already become unconscious.
I also do not get along with my sister. She holds a grudge against me because of something that was actually my mother's fault. My mother had promised me many years earlier that she would not let this happen. As far as I know, I am the only person my mother ever made a promise to that she never kept.
Over the years I would ask her, "Did you tell her yet?"
She would always answer, "No, not yet. I will."
But she never did.
My sister resents me now and, I believe, will resent me for the rest of her life over something my mother forced me to do. It was something my mother should have done herself rather than making her child do it.
My sister had a warrant out for her arrest, and one day the police came looking for her. To make a long story short, my mom came up with the idea of inviting my sister and her child over. She planned to take them upstairs to give my sister a present while I went into my mom's office and called the police to tell them she was there.
I argued with my mom for ten or fifteen minutes. I told her I would not do it, that I would not betray my sister, and that she needed to find another way.
My mom then guilted me by saying that if I loved her, I would do it. Otherwise, she would not have someone like that living under her roof.
I told my mom, "If I do this, she'll eventually find out, and she'll hate me for the rest of her life."
My mom replied, "I promise I won't let that happen."
But she did let it happen, and she never did anything to fix it.
Because of that, I did not talk to my mom very much during the years leading up to her death. I was angry that she had not kept her promise to me. I lost my relationship with my sister because of what happened.
To this day, I am still upset that my mother did that to me. That is the question I should have asked her when I saw her after she died. Instead, I asked whether I would ever find love.
That's all I have to say.
Oh, one more thing.
About four months later, I had a dream that predicted the death of a girl I knew. At the time, I did not realize it was her because I could not remember her face.
About a week later, she died in a motorcycle accident. When I saw a picture from her memorial at the place where she died, I immediately recognized her as the girl from my dream. Before seeing that picture, I could not remember her face at all.
I have always been confused about why I was given the knowledge that someone was going to die, but her face was somehow hidden from my memory until after she had passed away.
I don't know. It's strange.
Okay, that's all.
Thank you.
Was this experience difficult to express in words? No
Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? No
Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? Yes
Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated: I already described this in the narrative of my experience, so I won't repeat it here. It was extremely clear and pure. It was as though I heard it through energy.
Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? It seemed to come from within me. It was like spirit communicating directly with spirit through energy.
If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive? It was exactly my mom's voice, just as I remembered it when she was alive.
Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No chance.
Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No
Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? Yes
My mother's hand was placed under my chin, and she gently lifted my chin so I would look at her.
Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? Very familiar.
Was anything communicated by the touch? It was gentle.
Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No
Did you see the deceased? Yes
I think she was wearing a beautiful robe or something similar.
How clearly did the deceased appear? It wasn't exactly like seeing with my physical eyes. It's hard to explain. It was almost as though my whole being had temporarily changed somehow. Maybe I was seeing with what people call the "mind's eye." I really don't know.
How much of the deceased did you see? I saw her entire body.
Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? She appeared younger than when she died. She had no gray hair and looked to be in her 40s.
How healthy did the deceased appear to be? She looked perfect. There was nothing wrong with her at all. She appeared younger again, probably in her late 40s.
Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No
Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No
How long did the experience last? I honestly don't know.
Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? Gradual.
Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes
I explained this in the description.
Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? She told me to use my gifts and that I would find love.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience? The experience was definitely real.
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: The way she gently touched my chin, the way she spoke, the presence of the Holy Spirit, the way she acted, and seeing her all made the experience feel completely real. It was also confirmed moments later when my brother texted me that she had just died.
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: Relieved, grateful, happy, comforted, and loved.
Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes
In the description.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? It was all good.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes
All good.
Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? Yes
Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Same as described above.
Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Uncertain
Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? No
Did you see a light? Yes
When she was being pulled backward and upward.
Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? No
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Good.
Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No
Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? Nothing.
Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes