Pam M ADC
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Experience description:

My mom passed due to a sudden heart attack. It was very unexpected. I got a call in the morning and rushed to the next state to see her, as I was told it was doubtful that she would make it. I arrived about 1/2 hour or so after she had passed. I went into the hospital room and just held her hand and kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her. I was sad because I thought that I would be able to see her before she passed, and I was upset and thinking that I wished she would have held on so I could say goodbye. I had to be strong because my brother and stepdad were a mess. We left the hospital, and got something to eat. I went with my stepdad directly to the funeral home to make an appointment for the next day, and then they went home and my husband and I went to our hotel room to rest and decompress for awhile. We were watching TV and both dozed off for I guess an hour or two. Right before I woke up, I had a dream that was not like any dream I ever had before. It was probably only a few seconds long, although there was no feeling of time. I was of swirling colors of orange, different hues of orange swirling with maybe a little bit of yellow. The feeling was warm, and good. I see my mom, but much younger. Late 20's or 30's. I can only see her from her shoulders up, and her arms are raised to the air and she's happy and glowing in the orange swirl, almost like someone pushing up from the bottom of a swimming pool. She is looking up and the main thing I felt was warmth and contentment. And happiness. And lightness of being. She didn't look at me or say anything, it was all just feeling and swirling color. The feelings that I felt in that moment were familiar, like I had felt them somewhere before and I wanted to go back and remember where I had felt them before, but I woke up. Waking up was surreal. I opened my eyes and knew I couldn't go back there to the dream, but wished I could. I think, just because of the oddness of the dream, and the fact that there were no words, just swirling color and feelings, that maybe it was my mom telling me that she was happy now, and out of the heavy, cumbersome body that she had and was content. I still wish she had held out so I could say goodbye, but maybe this was her way of letting me do that, and sending me her energy so I would know everything was ok.

 Background Information:

 Was this experience difficult to express in words?     Yes

 There were no words involved, just colors and feelings

 Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

 Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?       No

 Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?       No

 Did you see the deceased?       Yes

 Younger, much. Vibrant, glowing, happy.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Sort of solid, but mostly covered by glowing, swirling color.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Head, shoulders, arms

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   My mom died at 75. She was maybe 30 here.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           Very healthy and very peaceful and happy and content.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No.

 Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

 How long did the experience last?      Probably only seconds.

 Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?      It was a dream, very gradual but fast.

 Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

 Sheer contentment.

 Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?          No specific information, just feeling.

 How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was probably real

           Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   It was just different than anything I had ever experienced.

           Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes

 It was while I was sleeping.

 Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I felt happy, content, a feeling I knew I had felt before and I know it was her, and I knew I had felt the same thing and Kind of wished I could go back and feel it again.

 Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

 I felt that she was trying to tell me that she was ok, and just wanted out of that body.

 What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Seeing my mom that happy and content. No part of it was bad except having to leave and wake up.

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? No     

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?          Uncertain     I am fairly spiritual, so it kind of confirmed it for me.

 Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?         No

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Peace. A little confusion. I didn't want to tell anyone at first, figured they'd think I was just having a grieving dream, but it felt different than that.

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes I knew there was no time there.

 Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Uncertain

 It was more like a feeling, not like something I could write down.

 Did you become aware of future events?      No

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?  Uncertain

 I don't know since I was asleep.Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?        No

 Did you see a light?        Uncertain

 the colors were very vibrant, not a light per se, but it was more like everything was lit

 Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

 Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    I told my husband and stepdad. Not sure how they took it, but were open minded and hoped it was what I thought.

 Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?       No

 Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?     Uncertain 

Once many years ago I had a minor surgery. While I was waking up, I swore I heard nurses saying 'her heart stopped for a minute' and I remember asking 'what happened?' and them telling me nothing happened and I must have been dreaming. Not sure if I heard that, or if it was me they were talking about, or if it was just being 'under.'

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes