Preface: Jesse's health had declined and quality of life become very poor. House bound, no longer able to work. She saw no improvement after five yrs of hard battle - just a slow continued decline so took her own life.

Several days after her passing but prior to the funeral, I met Jesse in a dream. She looked healthy, stood taller and serene. The dream was vivid but natural - normal colours and real.

We were in a small, shaded garden.

She was smiling peacefully and was well dressed - clothes I had chosen for her burial but had not witnessed ON her until days later when I would attend a viewing and realise that was how she appeared in the dream.

I was distraught. Begging for 'another chance'. 'We'll see a new doctor', I told her. 'Move somewhere new. Try anything!'

She continued her soft smile and spoke calmly to tell me 'it's OK Rob. You did all you could. I did all I could. WE did all we could' 

I continued to beg for another chance and she continued to repeat the above. Calmly and softly.

I held her hand as we spoke but do not recall us parting.

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

Dream state. Appeared healthy, vibrant - my first impression was as how I first met her. She was wearing clothes I had selected for her funeral but not yet seen her dressed in.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?           Appeared same age but she always looked younger than her actual age.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Healthy. I found her some hours post mortem so had been disturbed by cyanosis - in the dream she was healthy. Standing taller - chronic pain meant she was often slightly bent over.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No

How long did the experience last?      Unknown time.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       Appeared gradual.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

Calm, serene but also soothing, intending to bring comfort.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Her insistence that 'you did all you could, I did all I could' was my first communication of her explicit reason for suicide. I had though already assumed that. Insistence that I (Rob) did all I could was new - in weeks since, police have returned a suicide note I did not see which also stated 'you did all you could'. At the time I had not seen that.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   My dreams are generally nonsensical. This was clear. Defined with a distinct, logical message. Her appearance in clothes I had selected for her but not yet seen in that selection.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes

Dream.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Distressed, begging for another chance but shifting toward peace.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

An easing of guilt that I had not done enough to prevent her death.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Best - seeing her looking so radiant and healthy. Happy.

Worst - acceptance she could not grant a 'second chance'.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     Continuing strong spiritual growth and communication to my partner. Ease of burden of guilt.

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION 2613:

I was awake in bed, prior to alarm going off but had already woken up and was considering getting up for the day. Only one week since my partner's death so I was lethargic but mostly alert.

I was facing away from the door, lying on my right side as I often do.

I heard the bedroom door open slightly and gentle footsteps on the carpet to her side of the bed.

I then felt the bed sink behind me, weight against my back and an arm under mine and across my chest in a gentle cuddle.

In living, Jesse would often be up before me - and due to ill health, have to return to bed for a rest - this was often what she did on returning to bed (cuddle up behind, arm around to chest)

I had closed my eyes and frozen on the sound of the bedroom door opening - and given how real the sensations felt, I asked 'who is this?' followed by the same question. I was convinced I must be being robbed - and someone was holding me down. Though, gently. So I said 'right...if you want money, it's in the kitchen. Just get off me!' I also curled up my right fist to prepare to strike.

I then suddenly realized this was not so and immediately relaxed into the embrace. It slowly faded - the arm weight first, followed by the weight behind my back.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   No voice, but footsteps clearly heard.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     Externally - quite clearly by the bedroom door to her side of the bed.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     No. The footfall was the same as when alive.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   I don't believe so. I now live alone with no pets or other tenants. We are in a quiet residential suburb.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         Yes

A hug from behind. I felt her body against my back and left arm across my chest.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? Familiar. It was exactly how she used to come in and cuddle me when I was resting on my right side.

          Was anything communicated by the touch? I felt an inference of comfort. You're not alone. I'm still here.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No.

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      Uncertain - perhaps one minute.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       Beginning seemed quite sudden. Gentle but sudden - the door opened, I immediately heard her footsteps then felt the bed sink. She did not stop or delay.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Uncertain

When I realized I was not being restrained by a physical being, I felt a sense of calm. Peace. Her emotion felt indirectly calming - soothing.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I spoke to the present force as if it were a physical human - it was so real, and no one else is physically present in my house, so I inferred it could only be a robbery. I did not even consider a possible ADC until I heard no response and realized the contact was calm, soothing and holding - not restraining.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Alarmed and frankly, quite afraid at first - I was not expecting it and the intensity and realism inferred a physical human presence - one not welcome or expected in my house. However, it seemed to suddenly occur to me that 'this is what Jesse does' and as soon as I realized that, I relaxed and felt calm and peace. On ending though, I was unsettled - I had felt presence previously, heard voice (via an intercom) but physical, tangible touch felt to be a whole new level when I am well aware her body is in the care of the coroner's office. I was left with a feeling of comfort but unsettled.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

The touch was an indisputable piece of evidence that she could contact me in a way that was familiar to us both. A sense of 'proving' she is here. A familiar ritual though not a daily one. Being fully alert at the time, knowing there is NO other physical human in my residence, I just do not understand what else it could be. It was too real to be hallucination - and has repeated since. With this in mind, I find it comforting - a kind of 'see, I'm here...it's ok' message.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Best - physical, tangible contact even though beyond my explanation or understanding - with my beloved partner again. Proof that there is an opportunity (IF proof is the right word) to 'continue' such contact beyond the grave. Comfort given - knowing she is here. I didn't need to search. She just is.

Worst - the initial fear. I was NOT open to this being a form of ADC at first so I was quite afraid I was being robbed.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     Spirituality. I regard  myself as spiritual agnostic - and I was very open to the idea of ADC. However, I also felt the risk was that messages could be so vague, it was hard to prove them. 'Prove' presence. This experience - especially as it has repeated but without the fear the second time - showed me this was very, very real.