When I was 15 years old I moved in with my abuse boyfriend who was 10 years older than me due to a hectic home life. We lived in a very old house converted poorly into apartments. I didn't like it there and I often thought the house might be haunted (it was a scary place: there were even axe marks on the stair railing).

I woke up one day feeling like something or someone was watching me. My boyfriend was out and I was alone. This being watched feeling got really annoying and I frequently found myself asking 'what do you want?!' or 'leave me alone' to the corner of the room.

Over time the 'watched' feeling gradually grew and became more and more obvious, and got closer to me. It no longer felt like it was in the corner of the room watching me but it felt like a blanket wrapped around me. It occurred to me that this presence loved me. I'd never felt this type of love before and it is difficult to explain but it was more love than I have ever experienced in my entire life.

Later I found out I was pregnant, at 15. I wrestled with the decision for quite some time, then during one of my boyfriend's rages I had a vision of him throwing the baby against the wall. It was at that moment I decided to have an abortion. I did not want to bring a child into this violent relationship and I did not want to be forever tied to this abusive person. I made plans and had to stay with some understanding family members so I could have the procedure.

During my preparations I left the apartment to buy a few bits (I rarely ventured outside, I was pretty much a hermit due to the abuse). This loving presence that was wrapped around me followed me right outside. Everywhere I felt euphoric. It was like being permanently wrapped in cotton wool and loved unconditionally. This presence was attached to me, not the apartment, it was attached to me. Then it dawned on me, it was the pregnancy. I couldn't explain it, I just knew that this was the spirit of my child.

For the time before the abortion I was carrying this feeling of pure love everywhere I went. It helped me. I empathized with people, I could connect with them and I spoke from the heart. It was the most amazing few weeks of my life and I still think about it every day.  I had the abortion and I said goodbye to the spirit and that I was sorry for what was happening. I felt from the presence that there was nothing for me to be sorry for. I kept this experience a secret and for years I explained it away as crazy pregnancy hormones or something. Until my next pregnancy many years later. I expected that same feeling of love to return. It didn't. I had a beautiful child, but always wondered about my previous experience. Then my next pregnancy, I had a healthy child - but no similar experience of a presence.  A few years later I was watching a program (I can't remember what the program was) the person said that spirits would not go into a child straight away and would wait to see if the pregnancy was viable before they inhabited. I was very struck by this as it seemed to explain my experience.

Only a couple of years ago I suddenly felt the same feeling of a presence in the room and it brought back memories of the pregnancy/abortion. It watched me for a time and stayed with me until morning - it was so strange that I told my partner just so I would have proof if anything happened. A couple of weeks later I was notified of the passing of a family member, they passed the same day that I felt the presence. They had left me a gift in their will. As soon as I heard this I realized my pregnancy/abortion experience was real.

The experience taught me that I did not need to feel guilt or shame about the abortion. It taught me that when we are not in our bodies, there is no boundary between us and our love can touch others without limitation or distortion. It taught me that my child's spirit was magnificent, a force of unconditional love and that there was a real possibility that this child's spirit was in one of my living children. And if that was the case, then I was also a magnificent force of unconditional love, we all are, and I need to remember this when I interact and talk with anyone, including myself.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     explaining it in words is difficult as it was an other worldly experience. I felt like I was between worlds.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?         about a week before the abortion

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I felt as though I was big, spaced out - that I could understand people, especially children and animals.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Vision was normal

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   hearing was normal

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   I felt euphoric and love  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
It was like being touched on the skin, I could feel that something was touching me but it wasn't the same as actually being touched. Because I have no visual reference for the feeling, my brain would try to create a picture of it and when I remember the feeling I remember this image of it interacting with me. Once it was wrapped around me I believe that it wasn't 'touching' me it was all around me and a part of me.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   I believe this being was the spirit of my unborn child. I do not believe the spirit was inhabiting the fetus (alive) at the time, although the fetus was definitely alive. I believe the spirit was attached to the child and waiting for my decision.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others
I didn't feel like I was all knowing. I felt like I was able to empathize and understand everyone. During the time I had to look after a child that had behavioural difficulties and he regularly had tantrums. He had a tantrum while in my care and began kicking me and screaming. I am not sure how, but I spoke the truth to him from my heart and he immediately hugged me and his tantrum stopped. It was unbelievable to me, because I had no experience with children or children with behavioural challenges.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   As soon as I was in contact with the presence, I knew that life continued after.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Uncertain   when I realized the presence was the spirit of my child I realized that I must have existed before I was born. (but not that I had a previous life, I did not have any specific awareness for or against this aspect)

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I felt like I was connected to everything but I did not understand that it was unity or oneness (I had not heard of this concept before)

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   that I was loved unconditionally

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   that there was no need to feel guilty or sorry

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I believed that it was wrong to abort a child. Even though I did not believe in Christianity, I was brought up Christian and felt that it was wrong and punishable to kill another human being. I believed in the possibility of ghosts as I was still young and that sort of thing was and interesting topic for me. The presence was not completely consistent with my beliefs as although I thought the ghosts were a possibility, it was a shock that I had a real experience. It took me many years to accept that the presence did not require an apology and I hadn't done anything wrong and it is still something which is difficult for me to accept - so that part is inconsistent with my beliefs although I have come to accept it now.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   I remember things that have happened to me at the time. However, in this experience I remember the little details. They stand out and I still remember what happened clearly.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   The changes I experienced haven't been that big, mainly because I ignored the experience. I didn't tell anyone it happened to me. Now, I've had other experiences which have given me proof, it has made me take note and I have begun to believe in myself.

I will say that I have always felt, since the experience, slightly expanded - like I am still connected and that made me feel throughout my life, like I didn't quite fit in.

My experience directly resulted in:   Moderate changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I believed in the afterlife (although I did question my experience)

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I sometimes sense events.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     I think I was supposed to share my story so that other women stop feeling pain about their decision to continue pregnancies.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I have only just started sharing my experience. I have only shared it online, and have not had the courage to share with anyone else but my husband. He didn't really express what he thought.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I had read a book about NDE's. I don't remember the title. I was an avid reader at the time and I liked the paranormal for entertainment. I liked Stephen king things along that line.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was probably not real   I thought it must have been pregnancy hormones and I put it to the back of my mind.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   Because I had no similar experience with my later pregnancies and my only similar experience was when a relative died. That joined the dots for me and I realized my experience was real.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I believe in the afterlife and I understand that we are all connected and unconditionally loved.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   When a relative died last year I felt the presence again. I also felt the presence when another relative died after that.  

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes