My partner Robert died of cancer in 2018. We had been together for twelve years. We were so close and so ideally suited to each other we considered ourselves to be soulmates.  Unfortunately due to a disagreement on his side of the family, and the very complicated situation we found ourselves in, we were unable to be together for the last few weeks of his life.  During one of our calls together in his final week he promised with all his heart to 'try and get to me” as he put it, after he had died.  I stayed open minded because past experiences and a sensitive nature have taught me to be so.  The ADC took place just two hours after his death fifteen miles away in a hospice.

On the night Robert died I had a lucid dream. It began with a false awakening. I believed I had woken up to feel an unusual wind-like energy blowing on the back of my body, mostly on my back and head.  I knew instantly it was Robert. It was as if he had just that second come into the bedroom and it had woken me up, when in reality I was still asleep.  I remember thinking 'He’s dead now” and not feeling any grief about it because in my altered state of consciousness, my lucid dreaming, only physical death existed and it was as if on a soul level we had never truly been apart.

After about 3 seconds of feeling this he moved closer.  The wind sensation on my back grew stronger, and I found myself enveloped in what felt like an all encompassing, all embracing, spiritual hug, although my position in the bed remained the same.  All physicality had gone and he had become this volatile, highly energetic entity recognizable to me as Robert but comparable to being caught up in a miniature maelstrom or the eye of a storm; a wind-like phenomenon that did not feel dangerous, frightening or destructive, but instead had a conscious, was familiar to me and loved me. This is the closest I can get to describing how it felt.

It was so overpowering that I stopped passively experiencing and began to resist a little to what was happening to me.  I felt a mixture of feelings.  I wasn’t scared. How could I be. It was Robert and we loved each other.  But his spiritual form felt utterly foreign to me and the intensity of it mildly unsettling.  I lifted my head and in a tone of half joking protest typical of me, I said 'Robert, what’s going on.”  I then felt some of his energy shift around me and I got the definite impression of just his arms coalesced as it were within the overall mass of his energy, holding me in a familiar and classic spoons position.  In hindsight I think he was trying to reassure me.  The gesture was personal to us and more tangibly human and loving than just pure volatile energy, although at the time I didn’t realise this. I just felt his arms around me.

As I lifted myself up in the bed I found myself in the bizarre situation of lifting both of us; Robert in his new spiritual form and myself in my denser physical form.  At the same moment I lost the feel of his arms around me as they quickly  reverted back into being formless again.

I managed to get out of the bed and still carrying his presence stagger walked half blindly and with enormous difficulty along our small and narrow landing.  Like someone covered in a massive swarm of bees, I had to hold my arms out, away from my sides, to balance myself.  My physical body seemed to hold no barrier to him because it felt like he had merged both into me and around me just short of actual possession.  I still thought and existed independently.  Also, I could sense some kind of process taking place but at the time of it happening I was unable to define what it was.  Again on hindsight, and taking into consideration he had died just two hours before, I think he was reviewing his life, possibly his relationship with me.

My intention at this point was to go into my Dad’s bedroom to let him know that Robert was with me. He had dementia and we had all been living together before Robert died.  The fact that he would not have understood what was happening did not seem important within the spiritual context of the dream I was having.  However before I could approach his door Roberts presence suddenly and decisively lifted off me and disappeared.

The dream then took a more ordinary turn.  There was a break in the dreams continuity, the missing part being from standing on the landing about to enter my Dads room, to both of us (my Dad and myself) being downstairs, peering in through the open living room door,  The living room was dim. The TV heavy with static.  Up until this point everything I had experienced had been sensed and felt.  But now I was able to see Robert for the first time.  He was sitting on the sofa and looked slightly insubstantial.  It felt and appeared to be just as much a continuation of his side of the experience as my own, as though he had gone straight downstairs from when he lifted off me, as if somehow it was all happening to all of us at the same time.  In other words it felt real.  His hands rested on his knees. His gaze was tilted down and inward.  He did not move or look at us, not even once.  I am unsure if he was aware of our presence in the doorway or if he was allowing us to see him. Possibly both. He looked like someone in quiet but serious contemplation, as though he had just taken in an enormous amount of information and was attempting to process it all.  The area around his heart and chest glowed softly as though lit from within. He was also wearing some of the everyday clothes he had taken with him to the hospice where he died.

My Dad exclaimed 'It’s Robert' and began to move forward.

I placed my hand on his arm to stop him.  'No, it’s not' I replied. 'it’s his spirit.'

Those simple words of acknowledgment, spoken with deep conviction and certainty, brought a sudden and unexpected end to the whole experience. A split second after saying the word 'spirit'  I woke up, for real this time and with a comforting conviction.  I was certain Robert had visited me in my sleep and maybe even my Dad, although I was unable to confirm this.  I’ve taken it as evidence of the continuing bond of love between us, even after death.  It also strikes me as significant now that the room I actually saw him in and acknowledged he was a spirit was the 'living'room.

The whole experience lasted about 35 seconds.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes

some of the elements to it were incomparable to anything I could think of in this world.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         Yes

His arms around my waist. And overall as an energy.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? Both. A familiar action and personality but in an unfamiliar form, until I saw him sitting on the sofa.

          Was anything communicated by the touch? See description. The main communicants seems to be of love, longing, reassurance, reuniting.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No. None whatsoever.

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

See my account. He looked as he always did, neither older, younger or particularly ravaged by illness. The difference in appearance was the glow that came from the area of his heart and a slight insubstantiality for want if a better word.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Slightly transparent.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of him when he was sitting on the sofa.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?           The same age as when he died. It was just two hours post death.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            He looked a little ill,  but nit at deaths door or beyond.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No. There wasn’t a wind or even a slight draft in the bedroom. The wind like energy was spiritual, without a doubt,

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      Around 35 seconds. I’ve tried to calculate it as closely as I can by going through it in my mind.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       The end was very sudden, although not  unpleasantly so. The beginning was a gentle awakening, without shock.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

I could sense his love, his longing to be with me (He had come back home to me as quickly as he could and as soon as he was able) a feeling of intent and purpose at one point on the landing, a sense of reuniting.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I just know. I have had numerous experiences throughout my life which has been quite a hard one. I have had several ADC’s with loved ones. OBEs when I was younger. I get synchronised coincidences quite often. And a strange ability when in a relaxed state close to sleep to be able to form a tunnel through concentration and effort (I used to call it a telescope) down which I can see a bright area and sometimes scenes from different time periods but always mundane ones,mlastingnonky a few seconds at a time because the concentration is too great.  All this has made me a firm believer based on personal experience.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?          Uncertain

It was a lucid dream during them first half of the experience. And a more traditional dream during the second half. At the same time it did not feel like an ordinary dream. It felt special and spiritual in nature.      

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Please See account for my best description. I would add though that, despite the spiritual unfamiliarity of him I took his visit almost for granted because we were close and both spiritually open minded.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

See above. And I can add that it, along with the relationship as a whole, has accelerated my spiritual growth and my closeness to God.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          The best part was being reunited with my partner, being with him again and knowing he was alive in some way. The worst part was the bizarre overpowering feeling of his energy upon me.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain                 Describe:     I do have even more spiritual confidence which means I deal with everything in a better more positive way. My life hasn’t been able to change dramatically because I have been caring for my Dad who has dementia.  I am definitely on a more even keel than I would  have been at this stage in my life.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    It led to a deeper spiritual belief and knowledge. I view it as part of my spiritual journey and thank God for it.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    See above.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    Yes

See my account. We were inseparable and rarely spent a day apart when he was alive. His terminal illness was a huge shock to both of us. I knew he would try to visit me. But I didn’t know for sure if I would experience it or if God would permit it to happen, I think sometimes   it depends on whether you need it for your spiritual growth. So in answer I expected something to happen, but was still shocked when it did.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         I still felt terrible grief, but the experience acted as a buffer, giving me the conviction that no matter how bad I felt, he was still with me. Love is eternal.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      Yes

Yes. Eight  ADCs with other family members. Two shard NDEs with the same family members. OBEs as a teenager and younger woman. Many occurrences of synchronicity, And an ability to see scenes behind my eyes. When in a very relaxed state I can form a tunnel or tube with my eyelids closed. (I used to call it a telescope)  down which I can see a bright light and sometimes mundane everyday scenes from various time periods.  It takes an enormous amount of concentration and focus to form it and  so  only lasts a few seconds. Sometimes it happens involuntarily, without effort when I’m falling asleep. I have had these experiences all my life particularly Intensely  at turning points or in times of crisis.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes    My best friend, and an open minded neighbor. They believe me and it has helped to reinforce  their own growing belief in God and an afterlife. I’m selective in who I tell.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   No. I think Ingot everything down in the account.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes 

See above section for OBES, ADCs and two shared NDEs plus other experiences.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       No.