The night prior to my experience, I was feeling very sad and remorseful about my grandmother's death and how I treated her while she was still alive. I was remembering how I told her I hated her and wished she would die... I was 14 years old at that time. I had a large plate full of spaghetti in my bedroom and it was sitting on a desk in the room, but I found I could not eat. I was too distraught. I turned out the bedroom lights in order to try to go to sleep, but I only cried. I went over to my bedroom window while still grieving, and looked up into the night sky. I said something like: 'I'm so sorry Grammie. I love you and I always will.' Anyway, I went to bed and fell asleep.

In the very early morning, just when it was barely light outside, I heard a loud clanging noise... It sounded like someone was banging the fork against that plate of spaghetti I had left on the desk from the last night. Then I felt my bed shake, and simultaneously, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure standing at the foot of my bed. He was wearing what I saw as a black tuxedo or suit. I specifically heard him say ' she's asleep' I was lying on my right side at that time. Suddenly, and I don't recall how it happened, but I found myself on my left side where I could see from my peripheral vision, the window across the room from my bed. At that time, I could see my grandmother's curly hair. Her figure was standing at the foot of my bed. The man I saw dressed in black, and whose voice I first heard, saying I was asleep was gone. I remember my eyes were fixated right in front of me but I could still see the outline of my grandmother's figure from the dim lighting coming in through the window. She spoke to me. I still remember her exact words to this day. She said in a very loving and gentle voice, 'Don't be afraid. It's me, Grammie. I'm alright where I'm at. I know you love me. Don't look back on my funeral days. Look ahead.' When she spoke, even though she was standing at the foot of the bed, her voice was right next to my ear. Right after those specific words, I saw her walk right past me. She had on the exact same lavender outfit that she had been buried in. I noticed she was also barefoot and was above the ground like about a foot above it. She was still holding onto the rosary beads that her sister put in the casket with her before burial. Grammie was also holding onto  a small prayer card that had either a picture of Jesus or Mary on one side, with a prayer on the back. As soon as she walked, or floated by me, she disappeared into the wall beside my bed. I want to also add that during the entire time my grandmother was present, I felt a very strong, very peaceful sentence presence.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?       No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   I first heard a male voice talking to my grandmother telling her that I was asleep. Then, after he was gone, my grandmother spoke directly to me saying:' Don't be afraid. It's me, Grammie. I'm alright where I'm at. I know you love me. Don't look back on my funeral days. Look ahead.' I heard her voice (as well as the man's voice) as clear as can be. Very very clear. . I just want to add that I heard a loud clank from across my room coming from my plate of spaghetti I left on the desk, unbeaten.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?            The voices were both definitely outside me

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           Exactly the same voice as my grandmother while on earth

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          Not a chance. Absolutely not

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? No possible impairment whatsoever. None

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           No

Did you see the deceased?        Yes

I saw her black curly hair, the exact same lavender outfit she wore in her casket, the same rosary beads and prayer card her sister placed in her hands as she lay in her casket. I saw my grandmother's exact same smile and exact same face and I saw them very clearly

            How clearly did the deceased appear?           Somewhat transparent

            How much of the deceased did you see?       All of her as she walked past my bed. She passed right in front of my field of vision

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?      She appeared to be the same age as when she passed

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           She appeared very healthy, pain free and happy. She was having heart trouble and frequent chest pains shortly before her death. Though I was not present with her while she was hospitalized, right before her death, I heard through other relatives that were present during the time of her death, that she was having a 'hard time' the night she passed.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          There is no possibility that it could have been anything or anyone else other than my grandmother

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?   No

How long did the experience last?       About five minutes or a little more

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        At the beginning, it was very gentle how I was gently awakened and my grandmother was already there. At the end, she passed right by me so I could see her. I think it was all pretty consistent from beginning to end

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

She was very much joyful and at peace

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? Yes. My grandmother quelled my fears about her being alone in some horrible place, scared and hurt. She informed me that she is alright where she is at ( but she did not tell me specifically where she is at). Also, I thought my grandmother died believing that I hated her. But she told me at that time that she knows I love her. I kept repeatedly dwelling on her funeral along with the sadness. She told me to not look back on her funeral days, look ahead. Yes, her answers were all very very helpful and comforting. It set my mind at ease. I knew I no longer needed to worry about her anymore.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         I know it was real because I never forgot it. I saw her with my own two eyes, I heard her voice. She addressed my fears and worries about her and she was very comforting and very loving

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          I felt very surprised, shocked (in a good sort of way), very peaceful and so glad, and comforted. I also felt loved

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Uncertain

I was only 15 years old and a rather unaware person in terms of healing from grief. I didn't actually work on my healing from this grief until in my 30s. However, I still think about my gerandmother's visit, and I often find myself reminded of the reality of the Spirit World..... It's the gift that keeps on giving

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     Seeing my grandmother again and truly knowing that she is really alive, I think, was the best. There is no worst other than she had to go.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?       No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  No      

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     It confirmed what I already believed on some level. It strengthened my belief and today, I attribute my knowing that the Spirit World is real and true, to a lot of what I saw during this experience

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?    No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           A sense of an inner gladness and relief that there really and truly is a life after death. It almost felt like it was too good to be true. I was so happy

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?   No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?           Yes

The man dressed in the black suit who initially appeared with my grandmother, but then disappeared. Although I don't know for certain, I somehow believe that was my grandmother's brother... my great uncle, Nick, who passed a few years before she did.

Did you see a light?          No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?          No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     When I told my mother about it the following day, she was very receptive. She believed me. However, many of my friends did not. They said I was dreaming. A former pastor  from a church said that it wasn't really my grandmother who appeared to me, but rather, was a demon attempting to deceive me. Also, I had one of my professors attribute my experience to grief induced hallucination. However, there were some people in my life that believed me.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?      I think I said all there is. Thanks

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      Yes 

During my 30s, while I was living alone in my tiny apartment, I was actually crying and feeling very alone. It was late evening and I was sitting on my bed with my back resting against the metal headboard. As I was crying, I actually said aloud that I'm so tired of being all alone. As soon as I said that, I heard a tapping sound against the metal headboard right behind me. It was very gentle but very audible, and it was continual. It kept on tapping. I stopped crying feeling somewhat startled but not really afraid. Then I needed to know for sure if what I was hearing was real, and was actually happening.... that I wasn't 'hearing things.' So I slowly turned myself over onto my hands and knees, facing the headboard, looking straight at it, inches from my face.... and yes, the tapping was still happening right in front of me before my very eyes and ears. I slowly reached over to the exact spot where the tapping was taking place, and I touched that spot. It then stopped. I didn't feel anything tangible. But it was apparent to me that someone was there, letting me know that I was not truly alone.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.   None that I can think of at this time. Thank you for allowing me to share