This was a 'dream' of my father. But it was very different from the usual dreams I would have from time to time about him. Usually, he would be old and his health would be fragile. I would be happy to see him, but aware he was fragile. I would be aware that I had not seen him in some time, and I would feel somewhat guilty because of that. This dream was entirely different. In this dream, he was beautiful. I could say he was 'in his prime', but that does not express just how beautiful he was. The dream was brief. It consisted entirely of his looking deeply into my eyes, and I looking deeply into his. This very deep eye contact was the entire dream. There were no words. I am not sure, but as I was waking up, I thought three things. But as I reflected on these things, I have come to consider that these thoughts were 'transmitted' to me during the dream, and I 'translated' them to words, as I awakened. I am not sure of that, but here are the three thoughts. 1. I'd forgotten how beautiful his eyes were. 2. Wait a minute. He never looked that good, when he was alive. 3. Oh - we must continue to become more beautiful, after we die. As I was awakening, I wasn't just crying. I was sobbing. I knew I had seen him.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes

How my father appeared.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?         No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   Uncertain

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     I didn't 'hear' anything, but I think thoughts were 'transmitted' to me. As I was awakening, 3 thoughts were forming, which I think I was 'translating into words. 1. I'd forgotten how beautiful his eyes were. 2. Wait a minute - he never looked that good in life. 3. Oh - we continue to become more beautiful, after we die.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?    No voice or words. But as I was waking up, three thoughts were forming in my mind in consecutive order. I think the thoughts were 'transmitted' during the eye contact with my father during the dream, and as I was waking up, the words were taking shape in my mind.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?        No voice.

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?      I don't think so. I don't remember any TV or radio being on at the time.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?     No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   No

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

This is very difficult to describe. All I can say is that my father was 'beautiful' in this dream. I might say he appeared to be 'in his prime', but this doesn't do it justice. One of the thoughts I had when I was waking up was, 'He never looked that good in life.'

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Very clear, but not full body. Very difficult to describe. I was aware only of his head and maybe shoulders. But mostly his eyes. Deeply looking into his eyes, and he was deeply looking into my eyes. That was very clear, and even so much more deeper than that. Like looking into each other's souls (?)

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Just the head area, but mostly the eyes.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died? He seemed to be young, but I can't specify and age. Ageless, I would say. But Ageless in a 'beautiful' way. His hair was black and extremely thick. His eyes were the bluest blue. His skin was radiant.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           This was not like the usual dreams of my father, in which he did appear old and infirm. In this dream he was healthier than healthy. More complete than whole. 'Beautiful' is the only word that even comes close to his appearance, and even that's not very close.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?       I don't think so.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?       No

How long did the experience last?      It was brief. I think it was occurring during the last part of a nap, just before I was waking up - and during the process of waking up.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?          I would say it began as a sudden awareness, but then evolved as I was waking up - seeing him in the dream, 'translating' the thoughts as I was waking up, and then the overwhelming emotion - sobbing - as I felt I had just seen him. Not a 'dream', but him directly.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?         Uncertain

I don't know if it was his emotions or mood, but the depth of his eyes and the extreme beauty of his presence and appearance - these are impossible to describe. I think I felt what he had become, and that that was what he intended for me to see.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? I think so. I think what he was trying to tell me is that we become more beautiful after we die. I think that was the purpose of his visit.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?         Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I believe this dream was really a visit by my deceased father because 1. It was so different from any other dream I'd ever had about him, and 2. the profound effect it had on me. It was the most deeply profound experience of my life and the most beautiful. I didn't 'decide' to 'believe' it. It was simply just the depth, profundity and beauty that made it self-evident.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  Uncertain

Yes, I was waking from a 'dream', but it was unlike any 'dream' I've had before or since.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:        I think during the dream, I was just observing - just seeing deeply into my father's eyes, and having him look deeply into mine. It was the most intimate experience I've ever had. As I was waking up, I wasn't just crying - I was sobbing. I was sure I had just seen my dad for the first time in 35 years. And I knew it was him.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          Yes

I felt that I would see him again at some point, since I had just seen him - or what he has become, since his death. I felt it was an intentional visit from him to deliver a message. I think he wanted me to know that 'we become more beautiful after we die.' It opened my mind to the 'existence' of other - what should I say? - planes of existence? realms? dimensions? Death is not 'the end'.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The best part was seeing my father again. I had missed him so much. The worst part was when it was over.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      Yes                      Describe:     I have more confident in what I experience, spiritually, myself - rather than the creeds, dogmas, and theologies of the various religions. Not that I don't find these 'tools' useful. But I know now that direct experience is of profound importance in life.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes    I was certain I had seen my father, so I knew there is an 'afterlife'. I trusted my experience, and so I think I began to trust my experience more, in general. I didn't 'buy' anymore that 'subjective experience' is just 'anecdotal'.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    My father communicated to me, 'We become more beautiful, after we die.'

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?         No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         Hopeful and joyous, and at the same time, in deep grief. The depth of the feelings caused me to sob as I was waking up. Not just cry. I knew I had just seen my father for the first time in 35 years, that it was him, and that I was missing him deeply all over again.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?         No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Uncertain

As mentioned above, I was 'told' that 'we become more beautiful, after we die.' But no physics equations or meanings of life, etc.

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?          No

Did you see a light?        No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?        Uncertain

It seemed to be 'no place'.

Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    I shared it with my wife, initially, and she accepted it. She had had her own experiences. Later, I told other members of our extended family. And aunt, who had cancer found comfort in it. A cousin didn't seem to know what to make of it. My mother believed it, and found it comforting. She missed my father terribly, and so this was comforting to her.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?          I don't think so.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?          Uncertain 

I've had other experiences, but not produced by drugs, or anything like that.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?    Uncertain 

If it was a near-death experience, it was extremely brief and superficial. I was playing outside, alone, when I was a child. I began to choke on a piece of hard candy. I remember not being able to breathe or swallow, when I heard a very clear 'voice' - kind of above and around me - say, 'I need to lie down now, because I am going to die.' It was just 'matter-of-fact' and 'authoritative', so I didn't panic in any way. I just 'followed instructions', and as I went to lie down, I actually Heimlich-ed myself. My knees hit my abdominal area and chest, and the piece of candy popped up. I think that whatever that was, it told me exactly what I needed to hear to save my life. I would not have stooped to lie down, if I had not been 'instructed' to do so. It was like a parent saying, 'Go brush your teeth. It's time for bed.' Kind of like that. It seemed to be me. It used 'first-person, singular'. But it was not 'me'. It came from above and around me. I don't think of this as a 'near-death experience.' I don't know what to call it. But it saved my life.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                    Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.          I think the multiple choice descriptors are inadequate. The ones that don't ask for any comments. I don't know how to fix that, because a lot of this subject is so difficult to describe.