Early Sunday morning, I received texts and messages that my dad had passed away from a heart attack.  I can't remember now how long after the news, but I felt/heard my dad next to me, in good health, and he said, 'It's ok.'  I didn't know what to make of it, but I felt reassured by his words.

I went to my parents' home to help take care of my dad's passing.  That week, we had light bulbs that were going out and other minor home annoyances, which in hindsight, I attribute to my dad somehow (at the time, I didn't because I didn't really believe in this kind of thing).  One afternoon in that same week, my mom, sister and I went to a restaurant.  It was the sort of restaurant my dad would have liked - good food, but not fancy, little bit corny in decoration.  And, these songs started playing that reminded me of him.  I thought it was just coincidence - I still do, for that event.  Later, that week, I went upstairs and played around with the TV and saw that the cassette player was open (my parents kept all kinds of old technology).  I went to go close it and as I did, a message scrolled across that said 'Goodbye'.  I thought it was strange because I didn't know that it was powered up.  I told my mom and sister about it, and they thought it incredulous, so I dismissed it and thought nothing of it. 

Several months later, I was in my home, and I had had the first of a series of dreams, where I dreamt that my dad and I were driving around in my car, I have a small SUV (he was with me).  I was driving and he was in the passenger seat, and then suddenly, it was just him driving.  And he was exploring my town.  I got the sense that he was trying to figure out if it was a good place for him.  He was driving, what I thought looked like a station wagon or hatchback, similar to my car, and he had this look on his face, like surprise, that I caught him doing something.  That same week, my garage door (which I had no problems with until that week) broke down.  I could not rationalize it, at all, and was left confused.  I told my mom, some parts of the dream (not everything because again, she and my sister are skeptical of these things) - I told her that I just saw my dad driving around in a station wagon and she told me that he always like the hatchback type of car, that he said the next car he got would be that one.  I didn't know that until she told me. 

I helped my mom clear out a lot of my dad's belongings.  We tried several times to open his car and probably sell it since my mom can't really drive.  The first time, I couldn't open the door because it was power locked and there was something wrong with the key.  I tried several times after that.  I finally figured out how to open it manually but then when I tried to put the key in the ignition, it wouldn't start (the car battery had died out).  I'm not the most tech savvy person out there, but I'm pretty up to date, and can figure out how to open a car door, but it took a long time for us to finally be able to open that car door and eventually sell it.  My dad loved his cars.

Other minor events, at this point I started being open to the possibility that something was happening, including a card that dropped out from the top of a desk, while I was cleaning.  The card said 'For my Daughter'.  And other small things that happened not too frequently, but enough times to make me think about larger issues of spirituality.

On the one year anniversary of my dad's death, my mom, sister, and I went to a restaurant (after dispersing his ashes, he had wanted that).  It was an Italian restaurant and one of his favorite songs, 'Edelweiss' played (my dad loved 'Sound of Music'), which during that meal, all we heard was more current up to date music, so it did stand out as odd.  I pointed it out to my sister and having not told her any of all the other little incidents, even she thought it to be odd. 

Again, this past December, my family and I were at a restaurant and another song played, another old song from his generation that really doesn't get played too much.  I started to cry. 

There have been other incidents, too.  I don't even bother sharing with my family because I know they would think that I was under stress and maybe stretching things to fit, but I'm actually quite skeptical of a lot of this stuff and for so many events like this to happen, I really can not say that all of them are me trying to see something that may not be there.  The ones that stand out, in particular, are my garage door breaking (I'm still scratching my head on that one), and a couple of dreams, I really can not explain.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?          No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   My dad saying, 'It's ok.' It was said softly and when I heard him saying that, I felt reassured.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     I did not hear a voice or sound.  I had a deep sense of knowing.  I thought it was odd because I would have expected him to say good-bye or something but instead he said, 'It's ok.'

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     n/a

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      The immediate experience (when my dad said 'It's ok.'), very short, less than a minute.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       It was not gradual, but it was not sudden in the sense that it came abruptly.  It came calmly.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

I felt my dad felt calm.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No, but I felt reassurance.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   There is no way I can possibly explain some of the events that happened to me or what my dreams had relayed.  I can not explain the message that went across the machine ('Goodbye'), one or two times when songs played on the radio at certain times (some songs that were popular I dismissed, but some songs that were a bit obscure, I can't explain), or the garage door incident.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes

Some of the events described were dreams I had. So yes, they felt dreamy.      

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  The feelings I had when my dad said 'It's ok' was reassurance and calming.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

I don't know that emotional healing is the right word.  After my dad said, 'it's ok', I more or less felt calmed down and when I really thought about it, in some ways, I was thankful that it was short and quick (my dad always said that he wanted to die quick, not in pain).  So, in some ways, it felt ok.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     Of the first experience, where my dad said, 'it's ok', the best part was knowing that he was fine with things.  That made me feel that everything, with him and with our family, was going to be fine.  The worst part of the experience was that it was so short, so accepting, and said with a certain casualness and shyness/humility that my dad spoke with sometimes.  I wish he could have said 'good-bye' or had said 'I love you' or give me instructions like take care of your mom, etc.  But, actually, 'it's ok', turned out to be pretty good all-encompassing advice in the end, despite how casual the message was and how it was said.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No     

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have?           
           
More open-minded, but still have a 'skeptic's' checklist.  Puzzled by some events.  

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Uncertain     Not in a big definitive way, but I am more open-minded to the possibility of things that we just don't know about.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes Of the events I described, my mom telling me that my dad loved station wagon/hatchback cars and that the next one he wanted to buy was one of those.  She told me that after I told her about my dream of my dad driving a car like that.

My sister also looking perplexed why one of the songs we think of with my dad, 'Edelweiss', was playing the weekend when we were dispersing his ashes, in an Italian restaurant that up until that point was playing current music.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          After my dad said, 'it's ok', I felt calm, like this was natural, and that it was his time, as abrupt as it was.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        In one of the events I shared, yes, I saw what

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes    In the beginning, when I shared a couple of events to my mom and sister, they were skeptical, so I stopped sharing.  But, I did share that one dream of my dad driving to my mom and when she told me about my dad wanting a station wagon/hatchback, she thought it was 'interesting'.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   I had never heard of your website before my dad passed away.  I started reading about this kind of thing after he passed away and eventually saw your website.  I had wanted to write earlier but never did because of the skeptical reactions I had gotten from family members.  I guess I'm writing now because it has happened enough times that, at this point, I'd like to learn more and if possible, get some answers.  Every once in a while, I still have a dream of my dad.  There's a certain quality to the dream that I can't really describe, compared to your normal dream remembered (in the past, I would remember one or two dreams but not as much as in the past two years).

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       No. Thank you.